re: Wife getting 1/2 401K via divorce

Watch a lot of Dateline and learn from the mistakes of others.

Well you are going to have fewer expenses with no wife to pay upkeep on. Just don't take on another if your money is a priority. I have a friend that was in your same predicament and he was amazed how much less he spent every month after the split.

As you and others have said, unfortunately fault does not matter. My brother tried to argue that and his attorney told him the court considers it your responsibility to be aware of what your spouse is doing.

If you do get into another relationship that leads to marriage, I’d strongly suggest that you and your future mate get a prenuptial agreement, that will keep you from losing more and if she’s loaded it would encourage the possibility of her marrying you due to less risk of loss for her. You both could live great despite this loss, you’d have to agree on who how bills would be handled but if you ever parted ways you wouldn’t lose as much as this time.
I’ve been divorced and would not consider remarrying without a prenup as legal protection.
Sorry to hear this happened to you but there is life after a situation like this and hopefully you can make the most of it.

I’ve never discussed with anyone that had to test the effectiveness of a prenuptial and I hope I don’t eventually have to find out but I’ve got one just in case.
But I know for an absolute fact what happens if you don’t have one, even if I have only a 50/50 chance with one, I’ve already experienced the certainty of losing 50% without one.

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In practice do prenups actually hold up in court?

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If done correctly (which varies by state)? Yes.

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I've heard anecdotes that they often get thrown out or disregarded once divorce starts.

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Again, depends on the state.

California has some fricked up marriage/divorce laws, and lots of litigation around prenups, PLUS a desire for equity, so I'm sure they may have some wonky legal precedents today.

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It would not shock me to learn other states have that. Louisiana's divorce/property law needs a lot of updating and analysis

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Yeah, I remember reading it and thinking it was a good policy. If they’re not going to penalize cheaters in the property distribution area, the least they can do is make sure they don’t get any f*cking alimony, temporary or permanent.

You never confirmed whether or not your wife accumulated retirement savings during your marriage.

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No doubt and the current situation is shite for a lot of the men on here as previously discussed. However I bet most of these laws were put on the books when the wife stayed at home and only the man worked. So to prevent the man from leaving a wife of 20 years without shite to her name and no earning potential, these laws were put in place. Obviously this isnt the case much anymore so the laws need some updating.

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They were put on the books in Spanish colonial times.

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Convince her that after penalty and income tax that her 1/2 will only be 25% of the total. Cut her a check for $200k and be done with it, home equity loan or whatever. You will still have the full 401k in the market.