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re: Money, kids and ethics question...

Posted on 3/26/09 at 10:35 pm to
Posted by MileHigh
Most likely a mile high
Member since Jan 2004
7920 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 10:35 pm to
quote:

Fast forward about 25 years. I was sitting on the front porch with my dad as he was one year away from his death. He said, "Zach, remember that money I lent you and your brother when you were first getting started? You paid me back. Your brother didn't. I always knew that you would make out all right, son."

A man should settle his debts.
Posted by coloradoBengal
Member since Sep 2007
32608 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 10:39 pm to
Sorry, but it sounds like your daughter is a selfish bitch. Do as you see fit with your money. I wouldn't worry about any "give equal to all" nonsense. Will it burn her arse if she doesn't get any? Sure, but she'd find a reason to be pissed about something even if you didn't help your son, I'm sure.

I'd do this. I'd help my son, and then when my daughter got mad, I'd ask her why she hates her brother.
Posted by MileHigh
Most likely a mile high
Member since Jan 2004
7920 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 10:44 pm to
quote:

Sorry, but it sounds like your daughter is a selfish bitch.

would you expect different from a devotee of ayn rand?
This post was edited on 3/26/09 at 10:53 pm
Posted by coloradoBengal
Member since Sep 2007
32608 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 10:50 pm to
quote:

would you expect different from a devotee on ayn rand?
Posted by MileHigh
Most likely a mile high
Member since Jan 2004
7920 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 10:54 pm to
well I had a typo, but a few bong hits too. Ayn rand championed the cause of selfishness.
Posted by Meauxjeaux
102836 posts including my alters
Member since Jun 2005
45804 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 11:13 pm to
Zach, follow your heart, lend or give to your son, deal with your daughter independently.

I've been in very similar circumstance in our family and if your daughter has problems with this, my bet is she has problems with other issues too.. this would not be the first "fairness" reaction from her.

Email me if you would like to discuss - genejr at bayou dot net.
Posted by tigeralum06
Member since Oct 2007
2890 posts
Posted on 3/26/09 at 11:21 pm to
Call it Loan and she won't be able to be upset. Have him pay it back when he can.

It worked for my parents. I only have 5k to payback out of 12k. Brother didn't mind.
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112623 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 3:35 am to
Well, only you know what's best for your kids.

But, in reading the story(All I have to go on), there is no way you should really let your daughter's possible feelings get in the way of helping out your son.

Just my take.
Posted by Zach
Gizmonic Institute
Member since May 2005
116669 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 6:15 am to
quote:

Sorry, but it sounds like your daughter is a selfish bitch. Do as you see fit with your money. I wouldn't worry about any "give equal to all" nonsense.


This was my wife's opinion. She's not the mother of either but she really likes my son and his wife and doesn't care for my daughter's attitude.
Posted by Bayou Tiger
Member since Nov 2003
3701 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 7:38 am to
My sister always received more from my parents, but I have never asked for anything. My sister is also a terrific person who was still growing up at the time.

So guess what? I always felt fortunate for my situation and discipline but was also glad that my parents were able to give to my sister. She turned out great anyway. And my parents seem like they are always trying to pick up the tab for stuff when they are with us (we let them!). It seems like they were always more bothered by the inequity than me. They took pretty good care of me too, just in different ways.
Posted by LSURussian
Member since Feb 2005
133508 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:36 am to
quote:

well I am still pissed about inequalities in my sister and I growing up. She had a car bought for her (actually 2), I had to buy mine. her college was picked up for the first two years, I had to pay for mine.


Your parents loved your sister more than they loved you, IMO.
Posted by MileHigh
Most likely a mile high
Member since Jan 2004
7920 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:46 am to
quote:

Your parents loved your sister more than they loved you, IMO.

can't say I blame them.

child producing minister compared to a pot smoking atheist fast food worker. Hell, I like her more than I like me.
Posted by LSURussian
Member since Feb 2005
133508 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:47 am to
Me, too, FWIW.
Posted by MileHigh
Most likely a mile high
Member since Jan 2004
7920 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:49 am to
my sister wouldn't like you though.
Posted by Cold Cous Cous
Bucktown, La.
Member since Oct 2003
15343 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:52 am to
You two need to get over this juvenile little e-feud.
Posted by Meauxjeaux
102836 posts including my alters
Member since Jun 2005
45804 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:56 am to
quote:

pot smoking atheist fast food worker
quote:

Hell


Acceptance is the first step to recovery! Even if it's simply acknowledging the dark side!

'..if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice!'

(note: hows that for an atheist quote in a religious thread, heh heh heh)
Posted by tiger91
In my own little world
Member since Nov 2005
39954 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:57 am to
Well, I know that if it were me and 1 of my 3 kids needed and desired my offer for help, I wouldn't really be worried about "making it up" to the other 2. As adults they all need to understand ... and my thought would be that if they don't then they're just selfish.

My husband is a farmer taking over the family farm. We "bought" his dad out for a large sum of money to be paid over 5 years ... it's all paid in full now. I remember speaking with my mother-in-law and saying something about the other kids in the family thinking that we "got" everything ... she said it was none of their business (and that's her 3 other children she was talking about).

Perhaps just talk with your son and see what their financial stress level is. Maybe let them know that you'd be able to help as a loan should the need arise ... and that you'd be happy to do it.

And great story abour your dad ...
Posted by LSURussian
Member since Feb 2005
133508 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 8:57 am to
quote:

You two need to get over this juvenile little e-feud.

It's the only reason I visit TD.com.


Posted by MileHigh
Most likely a mile high
Member since Jan 2004
7920 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 9:27 am to
quote:


You two need to get over this juvenile little e-feud.


he slurred my profession, and for that I can never forgive him.
Posted by coloradoBengal
Member since Sep 2007
32608 posts
Posted on 3/27/09 at 9:32 am to
quote:

This was my wife's opinion. She's not the mother of either but she really likes my son and his wife and doesn't care for my daughter's attitude.


Not trying to insult your daughter. I have kids. I love them. But I work for ME and my wife. I provide for my kids, but I have no plans to leave them anything. If its there, its there. If they need my help before I go, I will do everything I can. But my money is MY money. My stuff is MY stuff. And if they're under some kind of impression that they have any rights to it before my will is read, then they are sadly mistaken.
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