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Started By
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1
Posted on 11/6/23 at 7:05 pm to makersmark1
We met in early 30s when were both starting to do well in our jobs.
When we moved in together (pre-engagement) we got a joint credit card and EVERYTHING went on that, all things for APT, meals out, trips etc. But we kept separate accounts and split rent evenly. That way when I want to load up the FanDuel account or make the big withdrawal for a Vegas trip or she goes shopping we don’t feel bad about spending.
3 years into marriage plus a kid and still do it this way and it works great for us. We make a similar salary (which allows us to lead a very comfortable and fairly carefree life) but my bonus is multiples of my salary. Everything goes on CC, split mortgage via Zelle. I take care of big ticket items, investing and everything else is split. We never fight about money, I get why some people disagree with this but it’s what works for us.
When we moved in together (pre-engagement) we got a joint credit card and EVERYTHING went on that, all things for APT, meals out, trips etc. But we kept separate accounts and split rent evenly. That way when I want to load up the FanDuel account or make the big withdrawal for a Vegas trip or she goes shopping we don’t feel bad about spending.
3 years into marriage plus a kid and still do it this way and it works great for us. We make a similar salary (which allows us to lead a very comfortable and fairly carefree life) but my bonus is multiples of my salary. Everything goes on CC, split mortgage via Zelle. I take care of big ticket items, investing and everything else is split. We never fight about money, I get why some people disagree with this but it’s what works for us.
Posted on 11/6/23 at 7:30 pm to jlovel7
Married people who keep separate bank accounts are weird as frick. If you get divorced you’ll find out your account wasn’t your money real quick
Posted on 11/6/23 at 8:23 pm to indytiger
quote:
But the Joint account nazi's have the attitude of "My way is the only way"
Posted on 11/6/23 at 8:35 pm to Drizzt
quote:
If you get divorced you’ll find out your account wasn’t your money real quick
What do you mean?
We married everything is ours
Posted on 11/6/23 at 8:41 pm to Drizzt
quote:
Married people who keep separate bank accounts are weird as frick. If you get divorced you’ll find out your account wasn’t your money real quick
Posted on 11/7/23 at 8:34 am to makersmark1
quote:
All ours are joint.
This is not a room mate. It’s your wife.
this is the big "gotcha" the never-separate folks always make but I'm curious exactly what in your eyes makes a spouse opposed to a roommate?
-I legally married my wife and have documentation from the state saying as such
-I have sex with her
-We have kids together
-We have a mortgage together
-We do stuff with each other's families
-We have some joint accounts
-We plan our lives and future together
I don't know what kind of intriguing backstory you have, but I have done precisely zero of those things with former roommates. So I'm curious how having a few separate bank accounts of our own suddenly negates the bonds of our marriage and devolves us now to simply being roommates. Can you help explain it to me? I'd like to know so I can begin to formulate how I'll break it to the kids.
Posted on 11/7/23 at 8:51 am to Drizzt
quote:
Married people who keep separate bank accounts are weird as frick. If you get divorced you’ll find out your account wasn’t your money real quick
And that would be different in a joint account?
Posted on 11/7/23 at 8:52 am to WG_Dawg
quote:
I don't know what kind of intriguing backstory you have, but I have done precisely zero of those things with former roommates. So I'm curious how having a few separate bank accounts of our own suddenly negates the bonds of our marriage and devolves us now to simply being roommates. Can you help explain it to me? I'd like to know so I can begin to formulate how I'll break it to the kids.
Posted on 11/7/23 at 8:57 am to SquatchDawg
quote:This is us. I know it is not correct, but I HATE discussing finances. If I see we arent growing our retirement and savings as much as I would like I will sometimes look into it and discuss. As long as we are saving and enjoying life I am happy and let her roll with it. I buy what I want within reason, favoring quality over quantity.
Joint account and a loose budget…since we’re not really cash strapped. All purchase decisions of size are discussed. We don’t get in the weeds with allowances or picking over every Amazon order.
We’re both pretty tight though
Posted on 11/7/23 at 10:08 am to jlovel7
We have a joint checking account, a joint savings account, and our own CCs. We are open and trusting enough that we can generally foresee if our CC statement balances are going to be on the high or low end. We use savings very much like a "rainy day" fund and find that it never really has as much money in it as we'd like, but we both have good insurance and we're both paying into long-term accounts so I'm generally okay with borrowing from savings from time to time.
I do all bills and manage 90% of our investments. I like to do it and she generally doesn't care to, so it works. She has consistently earned about 10%-15% more than me throughout our marriage. Yes, that irks me to no end. But we treat every dollar as equal among us.
We've been married almost 11 years and for the last 8 or so we have never paid any less than our statement balances.
That's really the foundation. Live your lives however you want, but avoid paying interest at all costs. Once you remove that from the equation shite gets a lot easier.
Not to say that you won't ever bicker about money, because you will. But if it's something you know can be off your books within a month, that brings you a lot of peace of mind.
Good luck on your plunge
I do all bills and manage 90% of our investments. I like to do it and she generally doesn't care to, so it works. She has consistently earned about 10%-15% more than me throughout our marriage. Yes, that irks me to no end
. But we treat every dollar as equal among us. We've been married almost 11 years and for the last 8 or so we have never paid any less than our statement balances.
That's really the foundation. Live your lives however you want, but avoid paying interest at all costs. Once you remove that from the equation shite gets a lot easier.
Not to say that you won't ever bicker about money, because you will. But if it's something you know can be off your books within a month, that brings you a lot of peace of mind.
Good luck on your plunge
This post was edited on 11/7/23 at 10:10 am
Posted on 11/7/23 at 12:24 pm to LSUSports247
quote:This.
There is no right answer. If you both are responsible and reasonable, it likely can work multiple ways.
There are so many variables now and there probably will be more going forward.
Asking strangers for advice is like each of us pointing to our prescription eyeglasses and saying, "These work for me, I'm sure they'll work for you".
Y'all figure it out.
I did with the misses and it was she runs the (mundane
) day-to-day household finances and I run the big picture things. Good luck.
Posted on 11/7/23 at 6:19 pm to jlovel7
We have almost exclusively joint accounts. 100% joint bank accounts. Our retirement accounts are separate,but we currently withdraw from mine because mine are larger, plus I converted all her retirement accounts to Roth years ago, and we are currently withdrawing pretax IRAs ahead of anticipated increasing income taxes.
My wife handles the daily finances including bill payments except I do the tax returns. We both buy whatever we want.
My wife handles the daily finances including bill payments except I do the tax returns. We both buy whatever we want.
Posted on 11/7/23 at 6:54 pm to jlovel7
One joint checking, she manages
I haven’t logged into it in 5+ years
I haven’t logged into it in 5+ years
Posted on 11/7/23 at 8:27 pm to WG_Dawg
“What’s mine is hers, and what hers is hers, “
I don’t care.
Do whatever.
It does not matter.
I suggest getting a durable power of attorney for separate accounts or at least some way to access in case something unforeseen happens.
Whether you set up separate accounts, joints, whatever, you each may need the ability to access something at some point.
Good luck.
I don’t care.
Do whatever.
It does not matter.
I suggest getting a durable power of attorney for separate accounts or at least some way to access in case something unforeseen happens.
Whether you set up separate accounts, joints, whatever, you each may need the ability to access something at some point.
Good luck.
This post was edited on 11/7/23 at 8:38 pm
Posted on 11/8/23 at 1:06 pm to yellowfin
quote:
One joint checking, she manages
I haven’t logged into it in 5+ years
Posted on 11/8/23 at 3:52 pm to jlovel7
Just dole the little woman some butter and egg money as I see fit. All other money decisions is man's work.
Posted on 11/8/23 at 4:36 pm to jlovel7
quote:You are married! It is one big pot. Never understood committing to sharing your life together but wanting your own personal back account.
Getting married next year, obviously finances are about to change.
The good news is my fiancé is relatively thrifty and not a big spender thank god. So I'm not super worried about her draining all the accounts. She currently manages her own money (with a little help from me on where to direct savings/investments into various accounts). Overall though, she manages it all and we basically set up a framework of what goes where and she has stuck with it very well.
I effectively make all of our large split purchases and she sends me the $ for it. We do split just about everything and each have our own fun budgets of what's remaining once we've hit all our savings/investing/retirement goals + our shared spending for the month like rent/groceries/gas/etc...
To me this works super well because she's in charge of her own finances and can spend her money as she sees fit and I take comfort knowing all the big items get paid for.
Well yesterday she brought up joint accounts which I do not have an issue with from a visibility standpoint (aka there's nothing I'm hiding in there that I don't want her to see), but I've never done this before and I am struggling to visualize how it would work unless it's all just in one big pot, which seems messy as hell since we both make and spend our own money generally.
Is there a hybrid method where we both just transfer money into a communal pot for shared expenses every month and it all gets paid for out of that? Do I just need to suck it up and we both share a checking account and a credit card? She was saying she feels its what "adults" do but I was not visualizing well how it actually makes things any easier. The last thing we want to do is also make it so the pot seems bigger, and we both dip into it a little more because it becomes more "ours" rather than "mine" or "hers" which I think mentally allows us to be a little stingier.
Posted on 11/9/23 at 9:46 am to LSUJML
Got married last year after 9 years of dating. Both mid 40s without young kids. We kept things seperate, but do have a joint house account where we have money drawn from our paychecks to help with fixing stuff around the house. Has worked perfectly so far and see no need to change it.
Posted on 11/9/23 at 10:26 am to NOSHAU
quote:
You are married! It is one big pot. Never understood committing to sharing your life together but wanting your own personal back account.
some will never get it. like you. i can lay out a buncha reasons for separate accounts but i will let you try to figure it out. good luck!
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