re: Advice needed on younger sibling debt

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But until something wakes him up, he'll keep floating along.

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My parents each had a sibling like the OP. My grandparents enabled their poor habits too long.

Unfortunately, for their siblings the wake-up call happened when their parents died and my parents refused to enable the habits further.

My oldest sister struggles and my parents help for the sake of their grandkids.

She's learning and doing better, but she came to me the other day and asked for help with her taxes. Come to find out, she hasn't filed them in 5 years. She figured she wouldn't file them because they owed her money (She hopes) and because they were going to put it toward her Fed student loans. She thinks they'll be paid off after she files her taxes, but she may be in for quite the surprise.


ETA: her and her ex husband had already gotten popped by the IRS around 2008ish for not filing taxes, so it's just completely inexplicable.

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He has no rent and parents don't want to charge him for fear that he will drive home drunk somewhere or go delinquent on some other bill.

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This is the source of his problems.

Your parents need to know that they are killing him slowly with their "love".

Imagine your brother is 300 lbs overweight and in a wheelchair and can't get out of the house. You and your parents are driving all over town picking him up pizza and cheeseburgers because you "fear he won't eat anything" and get sick and die.

You are all loving him to death.


One thing to add to the OP. I have this exact situation with my brother. My parents let him live there and help him with bills. He was in gifted classes and can't keep a job. He won't support his kids but it's all his ex-wive(s) fault. I quit "helping" him 15 years ago. It was the best thing I ever did for me.

He is still mooching until my parents pass away. Then we will see where he goes next. Won't be with me.

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They have been weening him off for years. Unfortunately when he picks up a new bill, he makes the poor decision of dropping health insurance rather than leaving the bar. Others have stated that we are enabling and I completely agree. We are however letting him make his own choices as far as credit card debt and paying most of his bills but my greatest fear is that in the physical industry he works, he MUST have health insurance. If an accident happens with heavy machinery, not only will it impact him physically, but he will be in debt for the rest of his life with hospital bills. I had hoped he would go in with a few friends on an apartment but why would he. He has no rent and parents don't want to charge him for fear that he will drive home drunk somewhere or go delinquent on some other bill.

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I may be wrong about this but I don't think he can be refused medical treatment just b/c he doesn't have health insurance. The machinery stuff doesn't mean he has to have it. IF he's going to go without it for the foreseeable future and he goes and racks up a $500,000 medical bill, he will get sued, and I assume either charge it off in bankruptcy if that's possible, or make whatever monthly payment to it he can. IT's not a criminal offense to not have health insurance or get behind on a hospital bill.

I have a half-brother in this same boat but he's 45. Been living with Grandma about 7 years now I believe, and has lived with her off and on since he was 18. He will save up enough money to move to California or Florida for a little while, run out of money and come back with her. He has no retirement savings, he has no savings, he has no benefits. It's unknown if he files income taxes, and he probably has a new job every six months to a year. Some don't last 6 months and it's all the 10 dollar an hour stuff.

The thing is, grandma and my dad are financially secure and have always been there to enable him and that's never going to change. As he's got older I think he's been ashamed to ask, and he tries to hold his own and I think since he's been in his 40's he's done ok, as far as I know. My dad used to tell me more about him than he does now possibly.

One thing to consider about people like this is they are a little mentally or emotionally disturbed usually. Weed and blow has always been a part of my brothers life but I don't think he's a coke addict per se. But I could be wrong. Just a weekend user when he's out and about.

Some event may occur in his life, or he may hit a certain age like 30 or 40 where he just realizes he's too old to live the way he is. If he wants a woman of equal social status to him, he's going to have to make changes. If he's ok with a woman that's pretty far down the totem pole in social status; albeit looks, personality, smarts, career, etc then they'll either be supporting her too, or she'll support him. Or he may not be that interested in women long term at all. My advice would be to stay out of it and not concern yourself with it. Your parents are always going to be there to pick him up , just like they would you if need be. Fortunately you turned out a little better in adult responsibility

Nothing, can't do anything until he grows up.

Sounds like my sister, we still don't get along Bc of stuff like this.

Get rid of the truck note ASAP. biggest mistake young people make. unfortunately he's probably still under water with it.
Given that he has no living expenses,he makes enough money to pay off his debts and then to save. Saving that four hundred dollars a month is a good way to pay off debts and amass some savings.
as for these millennial's not wanting to buy health insurance, I'm sure they won't hesitate to put themselves in an emergency room and stick the taxpayers hospitals and doctors with the tab. The refusal of millennials to buy health insurance is the reason Obamacare raises premiums for others.