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Started By
Message
Advice needed on younger sibling debt
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:13 am
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:13 am
I'll try to give enough details without being too long winded.
26 yr old younger brother
HS graduate/ College wasn't for him
Makes approx 15-18/hr with little to no benefits
Still lives at home / pays no rent
Pays a truck note $400/Month
Pays phone bill $100/Month
Parents pay the auto insurance because he "couldn't afford it"
Stopped paying health insurance because he "couldn't afford it" - $400/Month
Late on bills regularly and complains about fees
$3,000 in Credit Card debt, pays the minimum monthly
Very friendly often treating his friends to a bar tab and use of vehicles but struggles financially.
Has little to no desire to look for another job.
He has a pretty poor driving record but mostly speeding. No DWIs. Parents have bailed him out financially over and over and over again. The entire extended family takes vacations and parents pay for him because they don't want to leave him behind.
Last week, dad gave him money to buy a used tux for some Mardi Gras events but was furious after when he found out my brothers insurance had lapped and he owed $900.
I want to help him but I feel that he is now accustomed to waiting it out until help arrives from somewhere. He has 0 concern for the consequences of debt and has no drive to improve his situation. Several of his friends are in a similar situation so they all keep their status quo year after year.
My goal is to help him without enabling it to continue. I have attempted to convince him to look for other job opportunities with better benefits/pay. I attempted to explain that $3,000 in credit card debt is just the tip of the iceberg and he could fall down an unrecoverable slope very quickly. He works around heavy machinery but feels health insurance isn't a priority and $400 a month is impossible. He is a great kid with a great heart but continually makes terrible financial decisions.
What can I do?
26 yr old younger brother
HS graduate/ College wasn't for him
Makes approx 15-18/hr with little to no benefits
Still lives at home / pays no rent
Pays a truck note $400/Month
Pays phone bill $100/Month
Parents pay the auto insurance because he "couldn't afford it"
Stopped paying health insurance because he "couldn't afford it" - $400/Month
Late on bills regularly and complains about fees
$3,000 in Credit Card debt, pays the minimum monthly
Very friendly often treating his friends to a bar tab and use of vehicles but struggles financially.
Has little to no desire to look for another job.
He has a pretty poor driving record but mostly speeding. No DWIs. Parents have bailed him out financially over and over and over again. The entire extended family takes vacations and parents pay for him because they don't want to leave him behind.
Last week, dad gave him money to buy a used tux for some Mardi Gras events but was furious after when he found out my brothers insurance had lapped and he owed $900.
I want to help him but I feel that he is now accustomed to waiting it out until help arrives from somewhere. He has 0 concern for the consequences of debt and has no drive to improve his situation. Several of his friends are in a similar situation so they all keep their status quo year after year.
My goal is to help him without enabling it to continue. I have attempted to convince him to look for other job opportunities with better benefits/pay. I attempted to explain that $3,000 in credit card debt is just the tip of the iceberg and he could fall down an unrecoverable slope very quickly. He works around heavy machinery but feels health insurance isn't a priority and $400 a month is impossible. He is a great kid with a great heart but continually makes terrible financial decisions.
What can I do?
16
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:19 am to Scooba
Have an older and younger sibling and financial matters are rarely, if ever, a topic of conversation. They both seem responsible and that may be why. If I am not paying the freight for another then it is not my business/place.
If you wish to do something speak with your folks and be careful with your words as they are supporting him for whatever reason(s)
If you wish to do something speak with your folks and be careful with your words as they are supporting him for whatever reason(s)
This post was edited on 2/20/17 at 11:23 am
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:25 am to Scooba
He doesn't appear to suffer any consequences for his actions and/or inaction as he is bailed out by your parents.
Your parent's love is actually inhibiting his ability to grow into a financial responsible adult. This is happening more and more as children don't want to grow up and the parents are blinded by the immediate concern for their children.
Sounds like you need to sync-up with your parents. A financial intervention is in order.
Your parent's love is actually inhibiting his ability to grow into a financial responsible adult. This is happening more and more as children don't want to grow up and the parents are blinded by the immediate concern for their children.
Sounds like you need to sync-up with your parents. A financial intervention is in order.
This post was edited on 2/20/17 at 11:27 am
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:25 am to Scooba
(no message)
This post was edited on 2/20/17 at 11:26 am
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:30 am to Scooba
Until Mom & Dad (and the rest of the family) start treating him like an adult, he has no reason or motivation to start acting like an adult. You're worried about his situation, right? Is he? Nah.
A soft head (eventually) makes for a tender arse. But until something wakes him up, he'll keep floating along.
A soft head (eventually) makes for a tender arse. But until something wakes him up, he'll keep floating along.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:39 am to Scooba
If your brother makes 18/he and gets 40 hours a week. Your parents should kick him out.
Dude could easily pay off his debt.
This isn't even worth the time.
Kick his arse out.
Dude could easily pay off his debt.
This isn't even worth the time.
Kick his arse out.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:43 am to Scooba
get rid of the $400 truck note, get a beater and insurance goes down too
should qualify for some obammacare subsidy to help with health insurance
get rid of the $100 month cell phone bill
making 15-18$/hr should be very easy living at home and very doable living on his own
26 years old and no reason for him to still be living at home
should qualify for some obammacare subsidy to help with health insurance
get rid of the $100 month cell phone bill
making 15-18$/hr should be very easy living at home and very doable living on his own
26 years old and no reason for him to still be living at home
Posted on 2/20/17 at 11:50 am to Scooba
So he makes roughly 2500 per month before taxes and has expenses of maybe $600 a month (truck, phone, credit card min). His taxes including payroll tax can't be more than $500 a month. So as I see it, he has at least $1400 a month left over.
No insurances and no rent. Where is the money going? That's a lot of bar tabs.
Your brother is why millennials get a bad rap. Not all millennials are like him of course, but people see this and they are like OMG ALL MILLENNIALS ARE LAZY.
Is your brother dating someone?
There are only two ways I see him changing:
1) A girl gets involved and basically tells him to shape up if he wants a future with her
2) Your parents cut him off.
I have a friend that is in his late 30s that I'm not that close to anymore, but he sounds just like your brother. His parents refuse to cut him off.
I just don't see your brother one day waking up and deciding to change. It's going to be forced upon him.
The best thing you can do is express your concern to your parents.
No insurances and no rent. Where is the money going? That's a lot of bar tabs.
Your brother is why millennials get a bad rap. Not all millennials are like him of course, but people see this and they are like OMG ALL MILLENNIALS ARE LAZY.
Is your brother dating someone?
There are only two ways I see him changing:
1) A girl gets involved and basically tells him to shape up if he wants a future with her
2) Your parents cut him off.
I have a friend that is in his late 30s that I'm not that close to anymore, but he sounds just like your brother. His parents refuse to cut him off.
I just don't see your brother one day waking up and deciding to change. It's going to be forced upon him.
The best thing you can do is express your concern to your parents.
This post was edited on 2/20/17 at 11:51 am
Posted on 2/20/17 at 12:05 pm to Scooba
quote:
Pays a truck note $400/Month
He needs to downsize, if he can't afford the insurance he can't afford the truck. He should also just carry the minimum since he doesn't own property.
quote:
Pays phone bill $100/Month
Drop the phone plan and go w/ a boost or T-Mobile account. Until he gets his shite in order, he shouldn't have a smart phone
quote:
Stopped paying health insurance because he "couldn't afford it" - $400/Month
This is insane, but w/ the way the market is I hear about this all the time. As someone else said, check the obamacare plans and see if he at least qualifies for something cheap.
As hard as it is to do, he needs to fail and fail HARD. It will be the only way it gets through. I had a friend in a very similar situation, his dad had to refuse to let him come home and make him jump from couch to couch. He then had to get kicked out of his best friend's house to have it finally sink in. Took him several years, but he is now 2-3 months from getting completely out of debt and build a savings and will finally be able to get back on his own feet.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 12:08 pm to LSUFanHouston
quote:
2) Your parents cut him off.
Yep. The talk you need to be having is with your parents. I went through something similar with my sister several years ago. They need to cut him off and he'll learn. There will be some intense arguments and tough decisions, but that will pass.
Just be prepared for him to come to you when they cut him off.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 1:33 pm to Scooba
I don't think that there is anything you can do to improve this situation. My advice is to stay out of it.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 2:24 pm to dirtsandwich
quote:
I don't think that there is anything you can do to improve this situation. My advice is to stay out of it.
My biggest worry is that the situation is reparable currently but could get bad quick. We would love to kick him to the curb but his friends take advantage of his friendliness. I'm afraid if he goes on his own, someone will screw him over or show up and die from drugs on his sofa. He makes terrible decisions and doesn't take advice from anyone.
Thanks for allowing me to at least vent about it here.
This post was edited on 2/21/17 at 8:53 am
Posted on 2/20/17 at 6:12 pm to Scooba
It is tough watching people that you care about make the same mistakes again and again or just not get their shite together.
I have found that people typically have to learn for themselves. And there's really not much you can do but be there when it gets bad. And if I'm guessing, your brother's situation will get worse before it gets better.
Good luck.
I have found that people typically have to learn for themselves. And there's really not much you can do but be there when it gets bad. And if I'm guessing, your brother's situation will get worse before it gets better.
Good luck.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 7:01 pm to Scooba
quote:
Scooba
quote:
My biggest worry is that the situation is reparable currently but could get bad quick. We would love to kick him to the curb but his friends take advantage of his friendliness. I'm afraid if he goes on his own, someone will screw him over or show up and die from drugs on his sofa. He makes terrible decisions and doesn't take advise from anyone.
Thanks for allowing me to at least vent about it here.
Some people learn lessons the easy way in life. But at one point in time or another, we learn the fear of consequences. Almost all of us, anyway.
What you're advocating in your post is the same mentality that's pervasive in your parents. That of enabling. You're not enabling him to become an addict. You're enabling him to live life without consequence.
You want to protect him from the big bad world, just like his parents are on a financial level.
You have to be willing to allow him to make his own mistakes. Financial, life, love, or otherwise. If you aren't willing to cut the cord, make him work without a safety net, then he'll never learn, and you'll never successfully get him out on his own.
You're talking about him being taken advantage of or getting hooked on drugs like those aren't life lessons. If he can't handle himself in this world then you nor your parents nor a wife nor friends nor anyone else is going to be able to shield him from it.
Cut him off. Have your parents cut him off. If either of you aren't 100% committed, then there's no sense in talking about it. Period. But that guy needs to learn lessons about real friendship, women, family, and LIFE. You ain't gonna teach him about them by shielding him or protecting him from them.
Advice sounds crappy. Maybe it is. But it sounds like you and the parents may be the primary source of this dude's problems.
Turn your back. He'll launch like a Rocket.
This post was edited on 2/20/17 at 7:08 pm
Posted on 2/20/17 at 7:13 pm to Scooba
I think the best thing to do is to come up with a plan and timeline for your parents to ween him off of the family. It's a fair way that gives him time to adjust and tightens things a little at a time.
First, he's free to drive whatever truck he wants and pay whatever he wants for a phone bill. Likewise your parents should slowly start charging him rent and 25% of utilities. Let's say first month is $100, second $250 and third $350. As long as he stays he pay $350 a month and 25% of utilities. Increase it $100 a year thereafter.
Next is no more free vacations. Cut that out immediately. I think doing something like this is fair and will eventually make him realize it might be cheaper living somewhere else. You'll have to convince your parents that tough love is true love. Doing it with some patience and an agreed upon timeline will probably be easier to convince them to do it rather than a hard line approach.
First, he's free to drive whatever truck he wants and pay whatever he wants for a phone bill. Likewise your parents should slowly start charging him rent and 25% of utilities. Let's say first month is $100, second $250 and third $350. As long as he stays he pay $350 a month and 25% of utilities. Increase it $100 a year thereafter.
Next is no more free vacations. Cut that out immediately. I think doing something like this is fair and will eventually make him realize it might be cheaper living somewhere else. You'll have to convince your parents that tough love is true love. Doing it with some patience and an agreed upon timeline will probably be easier to convince them to do it rather than a hard line approach.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 9:28 pm to tigereye58
They have been weening him off for years. Unfortunately when he picks up a new bill, he makes the poor decision of dropping health insurance rather than leaving the bar.
Others have stated that we are enabling and I completely agree. We are however letting him make his own choices as far as credit card debt and paying most of his bills but my greatest fear is that in the physical industry he works, he MUST have health insurance. If an accident happens with heavy machinery, not only will it impact him physically, but he will be in debt for the rest of his life with hospital bills.
I had hoped he would go in with a few friends on an apartment but why would he. He has no rent and parents don't want to charge him for fear that he will drive home drunk somewhere or go delinquent on some other bill.
Others have stated that we are enabling and I completely agree. We are however letting him make his own choices as far as credit card debt and paying most of his bills but my greatest fear is that in the physical industry he works, he MUST have health insurance. If an accident happens with heavy machinery, not only will it impact him physically, but he will be in debt for the rest of his life with hospital bills.
I had hoped he would go in with a few friends on an apartment but why would he. He has no rent and parents don't want to charge him for fear that he will drive home drunk somewhere or go delinquent on some other bill.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 9:58 pm to Scooba
There is no helping him until your parents quit enabling him. He is immature and irresponsible, and has no reason to change as long as he keeps getting handouts.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 10:26 pm to Scooba
Parents should stop including him on vacations. Would be a way for him to realize that his financial decisions are making him miss out on things, but without really affecting his credit etc.
Posted on 2/20/17 at 10:55 pm to Scooba
Your parents need to find a way to enroll him on Obamacare. Get him a cheap policy. And just have them pay for it for a year or two. Cut back everything else.
I mean, under the ACA kids can stay on parent policy until age 26. He's now 26. He will likely get a nicely subsidized policy under Obamacare.
Also, you have mentioned several times the physical nature of his job. If he were to get hurt on the job, that's a workman's comp issue.
I mean, under the ACA kids can stay on parent policy until age 26. He's now 26. He will likely get a nicely subsidized policy under Obamacare.
Also, you have mentioned several times the physical nature of his job. If he were to get hurt on the job, that's a workman's comp issue.
Posted on 2/21/17 at 1:32 am to Scooba
Listen to everyone in this topic for the most part. I, too am a 26 year old and my parents used to bail me out time after time or just give me money for spending because my jobs never made that much money. One day, I finally told myself I couldn't live like this forever and told my parents to stop paying for me and moved out. One of the best decisions I ever made, sure it sucks not being able to shop like I used to or buying crap whenever, but my credit is soaring, I'm learning more and more about how to make money through investing and am actually on the verge of fitting in a new vehicle along with my rent and bills because I learned to grow up and financially take care of myself. Sure, I'll still do dinner w/ the parents from time to time but now I know my necessities and when I do buy something because I had the cash, it's more rewarding.
Also, tell your brother to lurk here, the Money board has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. It's why I always claim this as the best board on this site.
Also, tell your brother to lurk here, the Money board has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. It's why I always claim this as the best board on this site.
This post was edited on 2/21/17 at 1:34 am
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