As an LSU fan, who do you despise more: Alabama or Auburn?

Up until the time that Saban was hired, I loathed Auburn far more than Alabama. The Tide has essentially been irrelevant this decade and, as a result, their fans have been tolerable.

Now I abhor Alabama, and not merely because Saban is their coach. Saban's arrival in Tuscaloosa, while despicable and unnatural in and of itself, also activated some atavistic, dormant genome in certain Tide fans. Now they give sweaty faced, trembling, febrile testimonials in foreign tongues about the manifest destiny of the Tide. They perspire long-repressed arrogance. They writhe on the floor and contort their spines. A small but vocal sect vehemently believes that Julio Jones has healng powers. They've adopted obscure Calvinist theologies, comfortable that they are the elect and everyone else is the preterite.

It bothers me.

They act as if it is a foregone conclusion that the Tide will return to its rightful place atop the AP poll, despite the profound changes that have swept across the college football landscape over the last twenty years. LSU's sleeping giant has awakened. Auburn is a far better, more consistent program than it has been in quite a while. The last time Alabama won a championsip, Florida was just a young whelp under the tutelage of a madman named Spurrier. Now it's grown into a perennial juggernaut. UGA recruits in the top five every year. SC has blossomed into respectability. Hell, even Tennessee won a national crown. Everyone has great facilities now. And wealthy boosters. And fertile regional recruiting. And ample tradition. And there are scholarship limits which ensure parity. Things done changed.

Listen, the "A" in your logo doesn't stand for "Anachronism." And while general relativity holds that mass warps space and time, the cumulative weight of all your barbecue eaten' asses sitting in Bryant-Denny still isn't going to take you back to 1963.

All I'm saying is this:

Saban is a good coach. Alabama can be a good team. But please, Tide fans, stop preachin' about the return of the king, the rapture, the second reign. As Lawrence of Arabia once said: nothing is written.