Friends,

Mother had shopping to do at Lakeside today. Unfortunately, several months ago, I received a three month ban from Lakeside after protesting outside Johnson & Murphy. The story behind it began after receiving a pair of J&M shoes as a birthday gift earlier this year. After wearing them twice, both on long walks in excess of twenty miles, the leather began to split.

J&M is not a high end shoe, but it has always produced a reasonably good product, at least until this pair. I did some research and discovered their shoes are now made in China. Apparently, they closed their factory in Tennessee five years ago! Like you are now, I was outraged, so I staged a peaceful yet loud protest outside its store.

Security asked me to leave, which I did. As I was leaving the kind security guard also said this was a warning and that I could not come back to Lakeside for three months. Not wanting to push the matter, I left and have not returned. It is imperative that I get first dibs on this year's Dillard's Radko stash. Returning before my ban is over is not worth the risk.

Mother knows about the ban and asked me where I wanted to wait while shopping. I had hoped there might be a public Juneteenth celebration on the Veterans neutral grounds in front of the mall, but there was not. Whole Foods never serves the smoked burger samples at the Metairie location, so that was out. WOW Wings is a disgusting place. Toys R Us is sadly gone, and Breaux Mart is too small for a two hour shopping tour. My only option remaining was Outback Steakhouse.

Outback's first Louisiana franchise arrived in Metairie in 1993. Uncle wanted to try it, so he packed up the family and we headed there that year. It was the first non-New Orleans steakhouse I had ever visited. My first impression was, "Why are the lights on?"

Outback had signs that read, "No rules, just right." Cousin took this slogan to heart when, after a huge pile of loaded cheese fries came out as our appetizer, he stole the enormous, Crocodile Dundee-sized bread knife with a rough hewn wooden handle. Do not worry; I told Uncle on the way home that night, and we turned around. Cousin had to go in, return the knife, and apologize to the manager. Uncle grounded Cousin for a full week and Cousin never stole again.

I was not overly impressed by Outback, so I do not believe I ever returned until today. As other chain restaurants on Veterans, like Bennigan's, where a filthy film was shot, TGIF, the legendary Taco Tico and Pancho's, Picadilly, Sweet Fire and Ice, Copeland's, Ralph & Kacoo's, Houston's, Super Popeye's, Cuco's, Chi-Chi's, Shakey's (I have booked a flight later this summer to Seattle to try the one in Rendon), and Bud's have come and gone in the last 30 years, Outback keeps going. They must be doing something right. Mother sent me in with her AE card and some cash, and I sat at a booth by myself.

My waitress was kind and quick to arrive. She did not tell me about any specials, but she did point out the small lunch menu. My eyes were drawn to the all you can eat soup and salad for $8.99.

I started with two Caesar salads and the first of four loaves of Outback bread, which was quite diminutive and dry in comparison to the bread of my Outback memories. The knife also was smaller and the handle no longer wood. The salads were quite nice, a pleasant umami which I assume was the addition of anchovies to the Caesar dressing.

The waitress made comment that I had eaten that food quickly and she could tell I was still ravenous, so was quick to return with my second order, which was a cup of the soup of the day: broccoli and cheddar. I was somewhat disappointed when she brought out the cup rather than a bowl. "All refills on the soup are cups," she said. The rule gave me an idea.

It was a bit salty, so I asked for my third refill of Coke Zero and another loaf of bread. My next order was not so bashful: another cup of BC soup, a house salad with oil and vinegar, and another Caesar salad. The Caesar is much better than the house salad. I thought there was too much cheese on the house salad, causing it to be clumpy.

The soup, salad and bread were growing tired on my palate, so I asked to see the menu again. It was time to taste Outback's steaks so I got two: the 11oz sirloin, rare and an 8 oz filet, also rare. She brought me two baked potatoes, of which I only ate one and brought the other to Mother, and two sides of vegetables. The filet was a bit closer to medium, but was still good. The sirloin, though, was better, leaner, and more enjoyable. I almost got another sirloin, but decided not to run up too big a bill, so returned to the soup and salad.

I got six more cups of baked potato soup and another two Caesars and finished off the meal with another broccoli cheddar soup.

As I was about to put in another order, Mother came and told me it was time to go home. Grandmother always said, "Stop eating before you are full," so even though I wanted more potato soup, it was probably best that I stopped.

My final count for lunch was seven bowls of potato soup, three bowls of broccoli soup, four Caesar salads, four loaves of pumpernickel bread, one house salad, two baked potatoes, two sides of vegetables, a filet, a sirloin, and six Coke Zeros. I weighed all my foods, taring the bowls and plates once they were empty. Weights provided by request.

My waitress was kind enough to give me a to-go Coke Zero, but when she brought it back in a sytrofoam cup, I felt bad for the environmental impact it would have. She was quite attentive and asked if I would be returning for dinner. I paused for a moment, wondering if she was flirting with me, and told her that we would likely be dining at Five Happiness tonight.

As promised here are TulaneLSU's Top 10 Outback items from lunch today:

10. Pumpernickel bread - not as good or fresh as I remember it, but still decent especially good dipped in the broccoli cheddar.

9. House salad - I probably should have gotten the mustard vinaigrette.

8. 8 ounce filet - a bit overdone, it only weighed 6.8 ounces

7. Baked potato soup #3 - the longer the potato soup sat on the table the more starchy it became and the cheese melted creating a gooey gob. I found the soup was great if you ate it right away, but if you had several sitting on the table at once, the quality quickly decreased.

6. Caesar salad #2 - the more salads I ordered, the more the kitchen put on extra dressing. After #2, the dressing amount was just too much.

5. Broccoli cheddar soup #2 - the first BC soup was too salty. The second was pretty good.

4. Potato soup #1 - the only true bowl of soup I got, this one was the best soup of the day. It tasted like I was eating a #2 soaked in a creamy sauce.

3. Sirloin - 11 ounces and perfectly rare. I would get this steak again.

2. Baked potato - Load. They oil and salt the skin, so anyone who does not eat the skin is wasting arguably the best part.

1. Caesar salad #1 - a great salad. Maybe not as good as the chicken Caesar at Le Madeline, but a tangy option.

Yours,
TulaneLSU

This post was edited on 6/19/23 at 3:54 pm