Dearest Friends,

Bonne Epiphanie! I will try to be as brief as possible, as I know you are all busy taking down Christmas decorations and putting up their Epiphany counterparts. Perhaps you’ve already tasted some king cake today. For those of you who haven’t had a slice since Mardi Gras, I applaud you. I am appalled at the recent trend moving from the sacred celebration of king cakes to the commercial laissez-faire “let them eat cake” whenever they want philosophy which started under, I believe, Ronald Reagan.

Let me be clear with you: if you eat king cake outside the season between Epiphany and Mardi Gras, you are shameful. To me, it’s the equivalent of wiping your nose and grabbing with the same hand a piece of Aunt Bee’s famous fried chicken or showing up at Commander’s in a pair of blue jeans. Who does something like that? The same people who wear pajamas to grocery shop. Or who invest hours every weekend into something as trivial as adults playing games.

On that note, I refuse to eat king cake from bakeries that serve them year round. Manny Randazzo’s? No, you sold out the tradition that built your business, so you lost mine. Gambino’s? Your NFL themed king cakes are a mockery of the religious tradition. I will never enter your doors again. No loss to me, anyway, as your bakery hasn’t been good since the late 1980s! I was heartbroken when I recently learned that my favorite bakery, Haydel’s, commenced selling black and gold king cakes. I reluctantly have to sever my lifelong relationship with you, Haydel’s. God spoke through the prophet Ezekiel: “And when the wicked turns from his wickedness and does what is just and right, he shall live by this.” I haven’t given up on you, Haydel’s. Turn from this wickedness and I will again give you my business.

All of this leads up to today’s topic: la Madeleine’s French Bakery and Cafe. It is one of the most unsung and overlooked restaurants in New Orleans. Some might even look down on it because it’s a chain based out of Dallas. It could be hyperbole or it could be truth when I say that la Madeleine’s is the only great contribution Dallas has made to the world. Its first location was near SMU and opened in 1983. The owners looked quickly to expand and what better city to which to expand than the Paris of the Americas, New Orleans? At that time, and even more so today, New Orleans suffers from a gross underrepresentation of French cuisine.

The first New Orleans La Madeleine’s opened its doors the year of our World’s Fair, 1984. Now housing the inferior Stanley’s at 547 St. Ann St., its Jackson Square location was perfect as a reminder to visitors of the city’s French heritage. I loved this location and still can remember going to baking classes in 1990 there with Mother while others were sequestered to prekindergarten.

New Orleans loved it, and a second location opened in 1988 at the prized location where St. Charles Ave. meets South Carrolton. When we lived on Prytania, this was the location I would frequent, either by streetcar, or, on beautiful days like today when the French might say À la fête des Rois, le jour croit d’un pas de roi, by foot. When we went, Mother was unaware that it was a chain restaurant. She thought the baker, a friendly man named Sebastien, was the owner. When Mother read in The Times Picayune an article about the third metro location, which included a bit about it not being locally owned, she vowed never to eat there again. Thankfully, I was able, a year later, to convince her that it was okay to eat at a chain from time to time, arguing that she had no qualms about purchasing her gasoline and furniture from national retailers.

Expansion in our Metro area happened in reverse fashion to Waffle House. The Metairie location by Lakeside opened in 1995. Three years later, the one in Elmwood opened. I went on a decidedly unfortunate blind date to this Elmwood locale a little over a decade ago. She was the friend of a friend, who apparently was, as my friend would have it, “a perfect fit for you, TulaneLSU.” I met her there. She got the quiche and it was downhill from there. Talk about vacuous and vapid -- besides her meal I can remember nothing else about the dining experience. She invited me back to her parents’ house in River Ridge, an invitation I quickly and politely declined before scurrying back to Earhardt Expressway. Chances are she is now married to some poor sap on the OT. I pity them both.

It was like losing a good friend when the location in Jackson Square closed its doors around 1999. Does anyone know exactly when it closed? The fourth NOLA Metro location opened in Mandeville in 2002. Owing to my gephyrophobia I have never visited this one.

The Elmwood location abruptly closed last year, causing me much anxiety. Recently, I realized it had simply closed for a short move to its new and improved location between Elmwood Fitness Center, which now, apparently, goes by the name Ocshner, and the closed and festering K-Mart. The new location is quite fetching.

The inside, likewise, is a beautiful space. If they can fix their gas fireplace, it would be a warm and beautiful space. I was in the area on multiple days recently for one reason: to find discount Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby, which is in the old Sports Authority, Home Depot, and Walmart. Each time, it was quite arctic and bleak. Each time I inquired about lighting the fire, so I could sit near the hearth in warmth and peace. But each time I was told it wasn’t working. Management, get this fixed because it would greatly add to the ambiance of your establishment. If you don’t remedy it in the next few weeks, you might as well wait until next year.