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re: Advice for dealing with a loved one who is in cognitive decline?
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:40 am to Will Cover
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:40 am to Will Cover
quote:
They now discredit their primary doctor when reminded of diagnosis, saying "she is fat."
But really, OP, it sounds like you need to get her interdicted once you get this diagnosis from the neurologist.
1
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:42 am to Will Cover
We had a close family member go through this a few years ago. My only advice is to get outside help lined up if it's financially possible. People with dementia can become a handful quickly and will wear out their caregivers.
They may seem okay, but they soon become dangerous to themselves and others. For example, turning on the stove and forgetting to turn it off (or grabbing a hot pan without an oven mitt), taking a walk and forgetting how to get home, taking the wrong medicine, lighting candles and not blowing them out.
Anyway, it's mentally and physically exhausting to essentially babysit a physically capable adult. Not trying to be a downer about it, but just emphasizing the need to plan this out in your head and get various levels of help outlined in advance.
Fortunately, there are some great resources out there who can give you lots of tips and tricks on how to help out your loved one. Good luck with all of it!
They may seem okay, but they soon become dangerous to themselves and others. For example, turning on the stove and forgetting to turn it off (or grabbing a hot pan without an oven mitt), taking a walk and forgetting how to get home, taking the wrong medicine, lighting candles and not blowing them out.
Anyway, it's mentally and physically exhausting to essentially babysit a physically capable adult. Not trying to be a downer about it, but just emphasizing the need to plan this out in your head and get various levels of help outlined in advance.
Fortunately, there are some great resources out there who can give you lots of tips and tricks on how to help out your loved one. Good luck with all of it!
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:42 am to boosiebadazz
quote:
But really, OP, it sounds like you need to get her interdicted once you get this diagnosis from the neurologist.
Our last resort is calling the coroner. PEC. We consider this a "level 10" and are trying to avoid this at all costs. However, if the driving simulation and test, along with neuro appointment don't resonate with them - and they don't allow us to provide help, care, and our involvement, our choices become very limited.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 10:44 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:43 am to Will Cover
I went through this with my father. It's a shite show. Please take away their keys. Dad hit everything and every car. They don't want to lose their independence.
Also listen to every story they want to tell you. Even if you heard them 1000 times before. They are important to them and soon there are no more stories... you will miss them.
Also listen to every story they want to tell you. Even if you heard them 1000 times before. They are important to them and soon there are no more stories... you will miss them.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:46 am to Will Cover
I am going through it. For whatever reason, Mom was much worse off three years ago, this time of year. She had some major health issues, a stroke followed by a fall, Christmas, then January of 2019.
It was then that I found out one of her doctors, the oncologist, diagnosed her as "a happy dementia" in 2017. She is actually "better" than she was back then, if it can be believed. But she still has her moments, and I have to live with her for the night time.
Best to you, Will Cover, you're in my prayers, too. God, please read this prayer intention...us caregivers need each other as much as our loved ones need us.
It was then that I found out one of her doctors, the oncologist, diagnosed her as "a happy dementia" in 2017. She is actually "better" than she was back then, if it can be believed. But she still has her moments, and I have to live with her for the night time.
Best to you, Will Cover, you're in my prayers, too. God, please read this prayer intention...us caregivers need each other as much as our loved ones need us.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:47 am to Will Cover
quote:
Thank you, I am adding these links to my nightly reading.
Good luck..I can tell you that one of the most important things that I've been told is to never correct them when they make a mistake or when they get confused or get things mixed up...just roll with it...let them be themselves.....it's hard to do and it's frustrating but but if you make them feel any less of themselves it makes it worse for you and them....
Here is another piece of advice....from what I was told...In Louisiana if they are diagnosed with Alzheimer's or Dem they can legally take away their drivers license.....If they are diagnosed in Texas they can still keep their licence, Texas has no laws against driving with dementia
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:50 am to tgrbaitn08
quote:
Here is another piece of advice....from what I was told...In Louisiana if they are diagnosed with Alzheimer's or Dem they can legally take away their drivers license.....If they are diagnosed in Texas they can still keep their licence, Texas has no laws against driving with dementia
Do you know where I might be able to find this information for Louisiana? I'll try Google, but if you have a direct link, I would appreciate it.
We have a driving simulation and road test scheduled for them later this month. I don't believe they will pass the simulation part.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:51 am to RedPop4
quote:
May want to look into some elder law information, and maybe speak with an elder law attorney. You will want to look into Power of Attorney over medical and financial (don't have to be the same person) decisions. Financial is important because you need to watch what they are spending their money on; had a family member with similar issues and was "loaning" out several thousands of dollars at a time with no anticipation of ever collecting. Then, missed a few mortgage payments because they weren't taking out their RMDs.
Yes, do it now at all costs. My dad went through at 10 year decline in dementia/Alzheimer's and I was able to get POA after finding out he gave a gold-digging girlfriend ridiculous amounts of money. It's really difficult if they get beyong mental capacity to okay this. On the other hand, if he's combative, may be extremely difficult to get him to sign anything.
As far as the keys, once I took my Dad's away, his neighbor told me he was still driving (I had confiscated FIVE SETS of keys. I then found 2 more sets in his house after that! I think the dementia had him losing sets and making more. It's hard but there no choice--he'll kill himself or someone else if he keeps driving.
Good luck, I know it's not easy.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:52 am to Will Cover
quote:
Do you know where I might be able to find this information for Louisiana? I'll try Google, but if you have a direct link, I would appreciate it.
I dont have a direct link but it was the reason why the person I knew when to Baylor because they didnt want him to lose his driving privileges.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:53 am to Will Cover
My dad (76 years) is in the middle of this. It was confirmed in 2018 and the decline was gradual at first but has accelerated now. My mom deals with him and it is literally killing her. We beg her to get help but she is a stubborn woman.
My dad may call me 8 times a day, then other days denies he has kids altogether. He is on the verge of losing verbal communication. He has a difficult time telling stories that take more than 30 seconds.
It is a terrible disease. The care takers suffer.
My paternal grandfather had it and died in 1986. I have three paternal aunts and uncles that died of it. I am 56 and know it is coming my way one day. I am 56 now and hope to make mid 70's in tact. I have told my wife to put me away sooner rather than later. I don't want to drag loved ones down with me. A memory care facility with good drugs would be a better option than wearing my family out.
Sad all the way around bro.. Prayers sent.
My dad may call me 8 times a day, then other days denies he has kids altogether. He is on the verge of losing verbal communication. He has a difficult time telling stories that take more than 30 seconds.
It is a terrible disease. The care takers suffer.
My paternal grandfather had it and died in 1986. I have three paternal aunts and uncles that died of it. I am 56 and know it is coming my way one day. I am 56 now and hope to make mid 70's in tact. I have told my wife to put me away sooner rather than later. I don't want to drag loved ones down with me. A memory care facility with good drugs would be a better option than wearing my family out.
Sad all the way around bro.. Prayers sent.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:56 am to tgrbaitn08
quote:
I dont have a direct link but it was the reason why the person I knew when to Baylor because they didnt want him to lose his driving privileges.
Thanks for checking. Here's what I found, which is different than what you have said.
quote:
Louisiana has no laws against driving with dementia specifically but obviously has laws about medical conditions which impact a person’s ability to drive safely. However, if a doctor or concerned neighbor files a Report of Driver Condition or Behavior, an investigation will be conducted by the Louisiana transportation office and may result in driving restrictions or revocation of license.
I've already filed a Report of Driver Condition or Behavior with LA DMV, but have heard nothing back.
I'm not expecting anything with any Louisiana governmental agency quite frankly.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:57 am to stinkdawg
quote:
Please take away their keys. Dad hit everything and every car. They don't want to lose their independence.
This. Sorry you're going through this. I've dealt with elderly family members, and neighbors, in similar situations. My grandmother suffered a cerebral hemorrhage in the mid 90s, and had very limited use of her left side after that. Therapy helped for a while, but eventually the sedentary lifestyle she was forced to live took its toll and she needed a wheelchair to get around, a lift chair to get up and down, and a lift to get to her room upstairs at her house. Like you, we wanted her to remain at home as long as possible, and that only happened because her daughter, who was a nurse, lived across the street and her sister in law, who didn't work, lived next door. Between them and some home health workers, they were able to manage for a long time.
Back to the driving, my neighbor growing up was an elderly lady when we moved into our house. She was a widower and took after herself, but as she got older she experienced some memory loss issues, probably brought on by mini strokes and Alzheimer's. I was driving to work one day, and saw her old blue Buick coming down the road partially on my side. I laid on the horn, and eventually had to drive up into someone's yard to avoid her hitting me. She was straddling the line so I had to pick a side and get out of her way. I turned around and followed her a few blocks home, made sure she got in the house, and went and told the neighbors on her other side about it. We eventually had to take her keys from her and run any errands with her. Like most people dealing with this horrible illness, she had good days and bad days. Never violent or lashing out at anyone, but some days you could walk in and have a long conversation with her and she was alert and attentive. Other days she'd ask you who you were and what you were doing there.
Another good friend of mine lost his wife last year to dementia. She had been diagnosed with it for several years, and it was getting to the point that he was seriously considering assisted living. His daughters are grown, and between him working and not having someone to look after her during the week, it was taking its toll on him. He finally opened up to us a few months after she passed that he thinks it was a blessing in disguise when she passed. She suffered a stroke last December, and never made it out of the hospital. He said similar things to what many have posted in here, and taking it day by day was the best thing he could do.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:57 am to Will Cover
Ugh.. I hate this for you.
I’m dealing with this myself. My grandad calls me by a completely different name . Has moments of lucidity and then completely forgets where he lives. They let him still drive . He even stole a Christmas gift from me last year under the tree , claims to have no idea he even did it
Then that afternoon, he was telling us all about how he was on a ship to Korea during the war and how cold it was there and trying to get on a tank for the warmth of the engine .
I’m the only one who seems to care to speak out and say he shouldn’t be driving. What if he runs a red light or stop sign and t bones a car and kills an entire family .
But what do I know ?
Curious to read what others say in the thread
I’m dealing with this myself. My grandad calls me by a completely different name . Has moments of lucidity and then completely forgets where he lives. They let him still drive . He even stole a Christmas gift from me last year under the tree , claims to have no idea he even did it
Then that afternoon, he was telling us all about how he was on a ship to Korea during the war and how cold it was there and trying to get on a tank for the warmth of the engine .
I’m the only one who seems to care to speak out and say he shouldn’t be driving. What if he runs a red light or stop sign and t bones a car and kills an entire family .
But what do I know ?
Curious to read what others say in the thread
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 11:01 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:57 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:
ShermanTxTiger
I'm sorry to hear of this for your father.
Hang in there as best as you can and support your mom as best as you can.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:02 am to Will Cover
I guess my interpretation was that Texas was a little more lenient than Louisiana and thats why they went to Baylor and not a doctor in Louisiana.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:02 am to Lawyered
quote:
I’m dealing with this myself. My grandad calls me by a completely different name . Has moments of lucidity and then completely forgets where he lives. They let him still drive . He even stole a Christmas gift from me last year under the tree , claims to have no idea he even did it
I'm sorry to hear this. I've been called my uncle's name and my father's name by this individual. I don't take any offense to it as I know it is not intentional.
About the Christmas gift, in his reality, he truly didn't know that he did it.
quote:
I’m the only one who seems to care to speak out and say he shouldn’t be driving. What if he runs a red light or stop sign and t bones a car and kills an entire family .
But what do I know ?
We've asked, pleaded, and demanded for this person not to drive. We've asked them not to be so selfish and risk hurting themselves or worse, hurting someone else. It doesn't resonate. We are the "bad guys." Insults, objects, and screaming at the top of their lungs all comes our way.
It sucks, but I've always said that there is nothing this person can do to prevent me from helping them. Once I drew my line and what I will accept and won't accept, their threats have fallen on deaf ears. It infuriates them even further, but there is a difference between doing what is right and what feels good.
I want to do what is right because I don't want anyone else to be injured on the road by their selfishness.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:02 am to tgrbaitn08
quote:
I guess my interpretation was that Texas was a little more lenient than Louisiana and thats why they went to Baylor and not a doctor in Louisiana.
Understood, thank you.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:07 am to Will Cover
I wish I could offer good advice to you, but the fact is that it will be hard no matter what and you will have many challenges to overcome. However, I can at least tell you some of the things we learned when we went through this with my grandmother.
- First and foremost, remember that you are dealing with someone who is not in their right mind. It is an extremely frustrating experience at times. You want so badly to just be able to reason with them and convince them to do little things like eat or allow someone to clean their house. My grandmother was convinced that she was still cleaning her house, but she wasn't, my grandfather was having to do it by himself and it was too much for him. Try to just win the little battles that you can win and keep as cool of a demeanor as you can.
- Support your loved ones and let them support you. The support from the rest of your family or friends is really important, and its important that you return that support.
- Take a break occasionally. If you are a primary caregiver to this person, it is important to step away occasionally. As I said above, it can be extremely frustrating and discouraging dealing with a person who has an illness like this. It is especially bad when you are taking care of them every single day. Take a break occasionally. If there is another family member that is willing to sit with the person for a while, let them. You may feel wrong stepping away, but you need it. A caregiver's mental health matters, too.
- Try to find some happy moments with the person. Show them old pictures, talk about old stories. This can trigger old memories in the person that they can still recall. It brings a bit of joy to the situation.
Like I said, nothing can make the situation easy. It will be hard, but you can and will get through it. I'll say a prayer for you, for sure.
- First and foremost, remember that you are dealing with someone who is not in their right mind. It is an extremely frustrating experience at times. You want so badly to just be able to reason with them and convince them to do little things like eat or allow someone to clean their house. My grandmother was convinced that she was still cleaning her house, but she wasn't, my grandfather was having to do it by himself and it was too much for him. Try to just win the little battles that you can win and keep as cool of a demeanor as you can.
- Support your loved ones and let them support you. The support from the rest of your family or friends is really important, and its important that you return that support.
- Take a break occasionally. If you are a primary caregiver to this person, it is important to step away occasionally. As I said above, it can be extremely frustrating and discouraging dealing with a person who has an illness like this. It is especially bad when you are taking care of them every single day. Take a break occasionally. If there is another family member that is willing to sit with the person for a while, let them. You may feel wrong stepping away, but you need it. A caregiver's mental health matters, too.
- Try to find some happy moments with the person. Show them old pictures, talk about old stories. This can trigger old memories in the person that they can still recall. It brings a bit of joy to the situation.
Like I said, nothing can make the situation easy. It will be hard, but you can and will get through it. I'll say a prayer for you, for sure.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:18 am to Will Cover
quote:
Cerebral atrophy and mini-strokes.
So assuming this is not related the mrna vaccine you can treat a lot of this stuff now.
So first thing, if you can convince someone to learn something entirely new you can have a major improvement in the brain. Learning something entirely new causes the brain to rewire, create new pathways, etc. And it has to be an entirely new thing, it couldn't be like you do geometry and are now going to learn algebra. It has to be like you've worked with geometry and are now going to learn to play the piano.
Balance the omega 6 levels in the body. This avoids all seed oils. Nearly anything processed has seed oil in it it seems. Switch to ketosis diet is a good idea but again, you have to be careful of what fats to use. Coconut, avocado, butter, lard, tallow. Or even switching to just an all meat diet.
Ancestral health and the reversal of cognitive decline - Dale Bredesen (AHS21) This channel has other good videos, like ones going into details of the omega 6 problem.
The $100 Billion Dollar Ingredient making your Food Toxic This channel also has other good videos going that explicitly go into reversing Alzheimers.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 11:21 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 11:21 am to Will Cover
In my mom's case- she was combative and in denial of anything a doctor said. She kept driving and was found all over the city and surrounding towns. We resorted to a tracker so the police did not have to get involved. We finally unhooked her battery and convinced her the car wouldn't run. Eventually, she allowed us to bring in sitters but this was after a year of dealing with her disease. One day she fell and had to go the hospital. She was never the same and we put her into a private home for dementia patients.
After discussions with her doctor at NeuroMed, we believed that treatments would not make a difference- most do not- so we didn't medicate except for relaxation meds. We visited everyday and made the best of things. It is a slow and painful
process. When they get "mean," remember that it is not them but the disease.
After discussions with her doctor at NeuroMed, we believed that treatments would not make a difference- most do not- so we didn't medicate except for relaxation meds. We visited everyday and made the best of things. It is a slow and painful
process. When they get "mean," remember that it is not them but the disease.
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