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re: Life changes quick

Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:01 am to
Posted by Hamma1122
Member since Sep 2016
19918 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:01 am to
Wish you the best bro
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38682 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:04 am to
quote:

I found out she had friends essentially urging her cheating on.


quote:

What’s the deal with this? It seems like once a woman gets divorced she starts acting like being single is the best thing ever and starts putting that bug in all of her friend’s ears. Sick thing that some women do.


Misery loves company. And most don’t know they’re doing this when they’re actually doing it.
This post was edited on 7/5/20 at 10:06 am
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30349 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:04 am to
quote:

She a traveling hoe.


The fact that you refer to your wife like that is probably a significant factor in why this day has come. No one that loved a person and she said she was leaving would say that, UNLESS they knew she was cheating. Then maybe call her a hoe.

So you're either a narcissistic jerk or you're leaving out important details.
Posted by AUriptide
Member since Aug 2009
7350 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:06 am to
Sure its tough, but it will pass in time.

You might be happier this time next year and celebrating your own Independence Day.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129071 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:07 am to
quote:

What’s the deal with this? It seems like once a woman gets divorced she starts acting like being single is the best thing ever and starts putting that bug in all of her friend’s ears. Sick thing that some women do.


Women that do this just want to have single friends to hang out with. So they can feel better about themselves. Also...could be the type that doesn’t want their friends happy if they are not.

A real friend would use her marriage breakdown as a cautionary tale to her still married friends. My most supportive friends in AZ about fighting for my marriage right now....are actually my girlfriends that have been divorced. They are the ones the most encouraging to me to fight for my marriage believe it or not. Cause they know the pain of divorce and don’t wish for me to go through that.

Posted by whitetiger1234
They/Them
Member since Oct 2016
5070 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:08 am to
quote:

So you're either a narcissistic jerk or you're leaving out important details.


Or maybe he’s pissed that she cheated on him?
This post was edited on 7/5/20 at 10:10 am
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30349 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:08 am to
quote:

lsunurse


Hey Nurse, I hope things have settled down for you a bit in your personal life.

I know that COVID is hitting Arizona hard too, hope that's not affecting you too bad.
Posted by ColonelTiger88
Nicholls State Fan
Member since Apr 2014
691 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:12 am to
Wife took a pregnancy test before friends came over yesterday, came back a strong positive. Definitely wasn't planned, already have a 13 and 6 year old.
Posted by MightyYat
New Orleans
Member since Jan 2009
24648 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:13 am to
quote:

The fact that you refer to your wife like that is probably a significant factor in why this day has come. No one that loved a person and she said she was leaving would say that, UNLESS they knew she was cheating. Then maybe call her a hoe.

So you're either a narcissistic jerk or you're leaving out important details.


You’re the 2nd person to mistake this guy for the OP.
Posted by stout
Smoking Crack with Hunter Biden
Member since Sep 2006
167829 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:15 am to
quote:

Wife just informed me she wants a divorce... hell I’m to tired to even ask why...


How old? Men age better so you can probably land a hot young chick while your wife is probably past her prime and deteriorating fast and will probably die an old cat lady so take solace in that.
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30349 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:18 am to
quote:

Or maybe he’s pissed that she cheated on him?


That would fall under 'important details', but it appears that I'm replying to the wrong person, so I'm just going to step out of this thread.
Posted by jamiegla1
Member since Aug 2016
7026 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:23 am to
Women have an uncanny way of getting over you while you’re still together, all the while acting like things are mostly OK. They’ve planned their exit while you’re oblivious.

My advice to you is this. Ask her if there’s any way to save the marriage. If not, accept her answer but say everything to her that you need to say. Ask her anything you want to know the answer to. Don’t hold anything back. This will save you months or years of rumination and doubt.

Quietly taking the high road sounds noble but it can eat you up inside. At this point it’s all about you
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129071 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:27 am to
Thanks Supa

I'm still temporarily separated from my husband (it was a planned thing with set up expectations regarding time together, NO dating others, etc). We were supposed to live apart 6 months and then make big decisions regarding us...but COVID has def messed that timeline up. Don't think it is fair to myself or my marriage to make such life-altering decisions right now. Not when both of us are dealing with intense stress levels at both our jobs related to COVID. And everything going on in the world. My husband agrees and so I just have to be patient right now (something I have always struggled with). Just trying to focus on bettering myself and what I did to contribute to the breakdown. And hope he is doing the same, but know that I can't change him at all...he has to that on his own. Time will tell with his actions if he is.

I've leaned a lot more on my faith during all this and it has given me tremendous strength, the one positive of all this is I'm improving my relationship with God..something I've needed to do for a long time. Something deep down just keeps telling me to not give up, no matter what. Call me foolish if you want...but I'm listening to that and sticking with it. If my marriage ends, it will not be because I walked away from it.


OP---I'm learning that friends and family mean well and usually have the best of intentions...but they do NOT know your marriage. Only you and your spouse truly know that and what is best for the two of you.
Posted by Luke
1113 Chartres Street, NOLA
Member since Nov 2004
13439 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:33 am to
Be sure to have a consult with the 3 or 4 best divorce attorneys in your area that way when the other half tries to retain them there will exist a conflict of interest...
This post was edited on 7/5/20 at 11:42 am
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30349 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:37 am to
quote:

I've leaned a lot more on my faith during all this and it has given me tremendous strength, the one positive of all this is I'm improving my relationship with God..something I've needed to do for a long time. Something deep down just keeps telling me to not give up, no matter what. Call me foolish if you want.


I don't call that foolish at all. I went through extreme hardship in 2015-16 that severely impacted my life. I also used that time to get closer to God and to become a better person in hopes that starting anew meant a chance to do thing right. I read a comparison that sometimes God prunes your life like a rose bush, and will make it look dead and ugly for a bit but it's the only way to ensure beautiful growth. That comparison made sense to me and I've tried to use that pruning to make my life better.

So far, so good. Good job again, financially stable, moving to Houston in 3 weeks because I WANT to, not because life is forcing me there like most other big events in my life. I hit my knees every single morning in thanks for the new growth and the roses are starting to bloom again.

I truly wish you the best for your marriage and hope that this is all worth it for the both of you. It sounds like ya'll are making solid decisions to try to make it work. Keep at it and good things are down the road, just never really know what road that is going to be until your on it.
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
99880 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:44 am to
quote:

One more thing you have to realize... A cheater will say or do anything to try to justify their actions. The level of delusion in an adulterer is insane.

Nothing justifies cheating, if you want out then leave. But every cheater I've met will give you some story on why they cheated in an effort to justify their actions.


True story. The SO’s ex-wife routinely tries to throw out the “You forced my hand” whenever he calls her out for trying to manipulate him into bending to her will over their child custody situation. She’s never accepted responsibility for the affair she had (she’s now married the guy). If anything she routinely tries to erase that it happened by saying he should completely forgive her for “the kid’s sake” and “openly be her friend”.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:45 am to
Get some new pussy and buy a 4Runner
Posted by dukke v
PLUTO
Member since Jul 2006
204185 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:46 am to
Ok. Tell her to pack her shite and GTFO......

Problem solved.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129071 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:52 am to
quote:

I read a comparison that sometimes God prunes your life like a rose bush, and will make it look dead and ugly for a bit but it's the only way to ensure beautiful growth. That comparison made sense to me and I've tried to use that pruning to make my life better.


I like that comparison, thank you

I also like the puzzle piece comparison...

My life right now seems like a bunch of jumbled up individual puzzle pieces right now. Each one individually makes no sense at all. I don't know where they fit at and don't know if they ever will. All I see is a bunch of jumbled pieces.

God sees the big picture though and sees just where each piece of my life fits, even when I cannot. He also sees what the completed puzzle looks like.
Posted by IAmNERD
Member since May 2017
19363 posts
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:54 am to
quote:

I feel bad for what some guys go through with divorces. I let me husband keep everything, except me car. I didnt even ask for child support, as he gets the kids every other week. He just had to pay dor our divorce and pay split the cost of the things that is for the kids NEEDS. Im not gonna punish someone for a failed relationship

quote:

Tiger2287

Are you a Unicorn?
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