The 1980s were truly the heydays of Kenner. The city’s Rivertown was able to steal from the French Quarter the Louisiana Wildlife and Fisheries Museum. It opened here in 1983 and thrived for the next 10-15 years as did the other museums of Rivertown. But when funding from the city and parish dried up, Rivertown began a rapid collapse. By 2009, in the post-Katrina world where people were more interested in returning to the historic New Orleans locations, the museum closed its doors to become a very poorly used banquet and reception hall.

4. First Baptist Church

Does anyone know when First Baptist of Kenner opened? I cannot seem to find it anywhere. I hate how churches today don’t seem to bother with their own histories. It’s all about being trendy and often with detaching itself from history. What has happened to much of Protestantism over the last 15 years is abominable. They’ve stripped history, even names of church, and replaced them with kitschy, trendy names like Praise, Celebration, and Movement. The OT hates children named Harper and Logan and all the travel ball shenanigans that go with them. These new church names come from that same vein.

I went to a wedding here back in the late 1990s. It was a neighbor’s daughter. They were a lovely family. I can remember the service, which I didn’t find all that inspiring. There was no organ music. The sanctuary was cavernous, largely empty, and in an awkward shape. There was a swimming pool at the top of the sanctuary, where I assume they baptize only teenagers and older. The sanctuary was also carpeted, guaranteeing terrible acoustics.

The one positive I take from that memory, aside from two people joining in holy matrimony, was the minister, which I believe Baptists prefer to call pastors. His name was a Dr. McKeever, Joe or Jim. I cannot remember his first name. He was an expert comic artist and within minutes he had drawn a detailed caricature of me. Better than most Jackson Square cartoonists, Dr. McKeever harkened to the works of Honore’ Daumier. I still have that drawing in my room today.

3. Pontchartrain Center

There’s no mistaking the time period in which this sign was erected: 1991, the same year the Pontchartrain Center, at the head of Williams, was opened. Its inspiration? Likely the Strayas of St. Charles Ave and Veterans Blvd. Its distinct teal and pink complement the nuevo Arts Deco design. The wave-triangle logo gleams the cube as well as Christian Slater ever could.

The Pontchartrain Center’s biggest event was probably the 1998 UFC tournament, which was a sellout, full of some of the trashiest people in Kenner. Seriously, who watches this filth? UFC is for people who spend their time doing drugs and watching pornography. It’s nothing more than violent pornography for men aren’t fooling anyone with their repressed homosexual fantasies.

It has also hosted baseball card shows, graduations, and gun shows. I remember those dumb commercials with the smutty women with a pump shotgun who said, “Sure as shooting, I’ll see you there.” What does that even mean and how did it embed itself in my memory? Probably there were many cross contaminents from the UFC tournament shopping these gun shows.

I recall a haunted house here in the early 1990s. Our youth group did a large tour of the haunted houses throughout the city and this was one we attended only one year. It was terrible. The pathway was marked by white sheets hung on wires. It was bright inside and none of the haunted had good costumes. I remember it only because it was so bad.

2. Saints Hall of Fame Museum stained glass door window

First concocted within the depilated dome of disgraced former mayor and parish president, Aaron Broussard in 1984, it opened with much fanfare in 1988. It had a nearly two decade run in this beautiful building before it joined the post-Katrina suburban to urban wave and found a home in the Superdome in 2007.

If you grew up in the NOLA Metro in the 90s, you probably took at least one field trip to the Saints Museum. Looking back, that’s pretty absurd, isn’t it? What does professional sports have to do with a well rounded education? Even in middle school I thought it made no sense when Teacher brought us here. We also went to the adjacent planetarium, but perhaps that was the actual purpose of the trip.

I went with a girl to the planetarium for a homecoming or some dance maybe around 2000. She was a sophomore at Mount Carmel. She tried to kiss me during the show. I, of course, rejected her advances, saving my lips for my Beloved.

1. Williams Blvd Baptist Church

Williams Blvd Baptist Church opened around 1960. I have no good stories from this church, but it seems to be doing alright today, as the parking lot on a Saturday was pretty full. The sign has a little of everything: neon, Spanish, changeable letters, and a glorious cross, lifted high pointing us to the truth of the Resurrection. Our heavenly reward comes through the grace of the cross and is not earned through acts, even acts of love, as a movie like Heavenly Kid might suggest. We are on our way Uptown only through the death and resurrection of Christ, symbolized in this wondrous, pure cross.

Friends, I hope your weeks are full of love, gratitude and virtue.

Faith, Hope, and Love,
TulaneLSU

This post was edited on 2/4/20 at 10:19 pm