re: Wife and I are going to have a son. Need advice from parenting gurus of the OT.

I'm speaking from decades of parenting and from failure and great success. Your time is everything. The dividends the time you invest will pay off greater than any other variable available in parenting. And it's not just time where you are present in the home. It is CONCENTRATED, FOCUSED, ATTENTION that is the Holy Grail for children. I've raised four and still finishing up on my youngest.

And try to keep this in mind... there is not much reward for "dad" in the first year or two so be patient. Mom is going to be most of his worldly needs but when the real interactions start, there is nothing and I mean nothing in life more rewarding than raising children.... **IF** one is willing to invest the time it takes.

And if you've noticed my tag line, even if your marriage goes south and your woman somehow transforms into a raging wildebeest, swallow your pride, ego, need to be "right", do your best to take the high road, and teach your boy by example. I'm not saying to ever "tolerate" a belligerent woman. I'm saying let his childhood memories be of a father who did not contribute to the destruction of his family, but rather kept his dignity and was the source of calm and order he could ALWAYS look to. So even if there are only common domestic quarrels... ALWAYS remain civil, NEVER stoop to belittling his mother, and even in the worst moments, at minimum, still show the same respect you would give a common stranger... no matter what is slung at you. You'll find your son's respect will not only become greater for you with each year he matures, you'll probably watch your son (or sons) become the kind of man that other look up to and follow and their peers will try to emulate.

Get ready for projectile vomit. Mine got me last night. He will be 2 in July. He is awesome! Little dude can already say his ABCs and count to twenty.

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I completely understand why you think that but you're wrong. It may be faster at first but if you put some more work into it and are consistent, non-physical methods stop them before they even get there.

I've learned the hard way from experience. And I fought it for awhile. I get why most of you wont agree and will get annoyed with me for pointing it out but I'm stating a fact.

Physical consequences never require much effort and are not good for the kids and are not nearly as effective as a lot of other non-physical alternatives.

But it takes work. Most people aren't interested in that.

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For the most part I agree with you. I responded in the first page and mentioned I about broke my hands on my boys. I of course didn't and was joking. I don't think spanking a kid is something to be proud of and brag about. My older son is the one I had to spank, he is 7 now, haven't spanked him since he was 5. My youngest I've only done a love pop once or twice on, he is 5.

I actually did feel bad the times I gave a tough whooping on my older son. At 3 or 4 he started hitting his younger brother and older sister. I started spanking him when he did it after trying the whole taking toys away, or sending him to his room, etc. None of that worked. Spanking worked, but then he'd still do it when I was gone and only act good when I was home. Finally I came home early from work one day, I work 24 hour shifts, while he was being bad and spanked him. Haven't had to since.

It is a horrible feeling, and I've told my wife I hope to not ever do it again. I think it should always be a last resort imo. I do agree it's odd to teach a kid not to hit, by hitting them. I understand your point of view on the subject.

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Your statement makes it more important now than ever. I've got two teen boys and I remind myself that I am training them to be men. It is just that simple.

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not sure who would downvote what you said but I do agree with you. I just don't know how you would raise a kid now. If you have done your job and raised two good kids, then you are in the vast minority.

I second all that windshield wiper man said. Boys break everything and are daredevils too.

We have 2 girls and 3 boys, so I'm not a "novice." ;)

Importabt piece of advice: NEVER TEASE A CHILD. They'll grow up insecure and confused. Children trust adults to help, teach, and love them. If adults start teasing them, they become confused and little boys will become EXTREMELY angry. Rightfully so. It's a betrayal for an adult to mock and tease a child - ESPECIALLY in front of people. Be Don't allow your friends to tease your son.

I have noticed that my nieces and nephews that aren't corrected and disciplined by their parents and are allowed to act like spoiled brats actually appreciate being corrected by me when I babysit them. Taking the time to correct a child shows them that you care. Children actually crave rules and boundaries. If there are no guidelines, they feel out of control and lost and flail about. But you have to explain why sometimes. You can't just use "Because I said so" every time.

I won't judge you for a small spank on the thigh when they are trying to roll away while you wipe their hiney covered in poop as toddlers. When older, a hand spank on the behind does a boy good when he misbehaves. But let him know YOU are in control by STAYING CALM. Calmly tell him why he's getting a spanking. It doesn't haven't to hurt. It's the Shame associated with it that does a boy good. You'll realize that hard spanks aren't effective with boys anyway. They'll say "that didn't hurt" with a sassy little face.

Teach them to be kind to girls from a very young age. When they're 5, they'll say girls are babies because they notice that girls are more emotional. Explain to him that girls do cry more and do get upset more easily because girls are different than boys. Tell him Boys are usually more tough and girls are usually more sensitive. He will drive away the feminazis when he starts courting girls if he has been molded to understand the natural differences between boys and girls. ;)

As a teen, PROTECT HIS INNOCENCE! don't let him play M for mature games. No Facebook. No porn. No R rated movies. Put a block on his phone and laptop. He'll still be able to find some minor stuff online that isn't porn when he's 13 with raging hormones. If I find some random image of some boobs or a girl in a thong on my teen son's phone, I don't freak out. I don't even mention it. But we've never found porn are anything vile since we have the filter.

When he says but so abd so can play call of duty and grand theft auto, say "well the rule in our house is no M games." You can explain why if you feel like it. It desensitizes a developing brain to violence and thuggery by the thug or killer character they are "living vicariously" through. You don't want your kid to be school shooter ;). All school shooters have one thing in common: violent video game addictions since childhood.

Bring the kid to Church and remind him often that he is a child of God and should act like one. Tell him to try not to disappoint Jesus.

Luckily you came to a social board that consists of mostly college aged kids and/or jaded divorced men where "she ruined the marriage. ". I'm sure the advice in these first 5 pages I didn't read were golden.

You guys that have been here long enough should know better.

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I second all that windshield wiper man said

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I do those also I guess

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My best advice...keep them away from TV, tablets and smartphones as much as you can.

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This is impossible. Parents aren't always available to entertain their kids and a half hour on a tablet won't kill them...but that's a nice fantasy world you're living in.

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I'm old school, very old, teach him to properly regard the opposite sex, especially his mother and grandmothers as it will pay dividends when begins to court. 

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Awesome comment