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Started By
Message
Here's a text based "choose your own adventure" game to find the 49ers a QB
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:08 pm
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:08 pm
17
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:13 pm to Draconian Sanctions
I went with Dragon Penis.
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:13 pm to Draconian Sanctions
i'm about to draft my future QB
this is a lot more in depth and less funny than i thought it would be
this is a lot more in depth and less funny than i thought it would be
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:23 pm to Draconian Sanctions
1) Watson
2) Schaub
3) Ponder
Grade A-
But my characters fiancee left in game because I didn't have a QB signed before Schaub
2) Schaub
3) Ponder
Grade A-
But my characters fiancee left in game because I didn't have a QB signed before Schaub
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:29 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Brian Hoyer
2) Deshaun Watson
3) Christian Ponder
FA money spent: $15 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall) You've invested a lot in this QB position -- luring over an expensive (future backup) like Brian Hoyer, and drafting Deshaun Watson at #2.
quote:
You've done an excellent job nailing down your depth chart. Some day, you may watch with pride, as the NFL hands over the "Executive of the Year" trophy to -- John Lynch. grade: A
Now let me help the Saints
This post was edited on 2/7/17 at 5:31 pm
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:34 pm to Draconian Sanctions
Hoyer
Trubisky
Ponder
A-
Get on my level
Trubisky
Ponder
A-
Get on my level
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:35 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
Owner Jed York mentions that he must have some serious mojo, because his wife, ESPN reporter Samantha Ponder, is a genuine hottie.
quote:
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Mike Glennon
2) Deshaun Watson
3) Christian Ponder
FA money spent: $19 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall) You've added a lot of talent to your depth chart via the draft and free agency, but there's at least one person who's not happy about it: Mike Glennon. In fact, he's pissed. He signed a contract with you, expecting to compete for the first time, only to see a high pick stroll right in and (presumably) be handed the starting job over him, just as Jameis Winston was in Tampa Bay. Deshaun Watson may turn out to be the next Winston, but you haven't put him in a great situation here.
The locker room feels toxic, with Glennon not happy about his role. In fact, it may benefit you to try and trade Glennon now, and roll with Watson+Ponder as your only two quarterbacks -- that would have been a combo that makes more sense. Right now, you're making a turkey-peanut butter sandwich. Both OK ingredients, but they don't fit together.
grade: D
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:55 pm to Draconian Sanctions
Jimmy Garappolo
Christian Ponder
Chad Kelly
B
Christian Ponder
Chad Kelly
B
Posted on 2/7/17 at 5:56 pm to Draconian Sanctions
1st try, I got cucked, by Mike Shanahan. 
2nd try:
2nd try:
quote:
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Jimmy Garoppolo
2) Christian Ponder
3) C.J. Beathard
FA money spent: $31 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall), R2, R4
Coach Kyle Shanahan and the entire front office are concerned that you gave up too much for Jimmy Garoppolo. He may turn out to be a solid starter, but there's no guarantee of that.
Fortunately, the rest of your depth chart protects you well. Christian Ponder may be hated by NFL fans, but he's an experienced veteran who can fill in as a starter in the case of emergency.
C.J. Beathard is also in a good situation for himself here, with two veterans taking the pressure off him. He should develop into a high-level backup for you. If Garoppolo works out, Jimmy G. and C.J. may be locking down your depth chart for the next ten years. Overall, you've done a solid job with this depth chart, dinged somewhat for the natural risk of the Garoppolo deal.
grade: B
This post was edited on 2/7/17 at 5:59 pm
Posted on 2/7/17 at 6:03 pm to Draconian Sanctions
i got to a page that said this
and had this as one of the comments
quote:
Owner Jed York is not happy with your stewardship so far. You better turn this thing around, fast
and had this as one of the comments
quote:
If Jed is not happy I made the right decision
This post was edited on 2/7/17 at 6:56 pm
Posted on 2/7/17 at 6:03 pm to Draconian Sanctions
I failed to land a qb, so my fiancé left me for reggie mckenzie:
Your search for a QB has taken a turn.
Suddenly, you find yourself wearing a cocktail dress, and dancing seductively for Reggie McKenzie. One thing leads to another, and you spend the whole night as a courtesan entertaining your sultan master. There’s some spanking, and one awkward moment where you scald your testicles on candle wax.
The next morning, you lie naked bed with your fiancée, and Reggie McKenzie, smoking a post-coital cigar (wait, is that a cigar?). Reggie turns to you, and confesses:
That he is NOT Reggie McKenzie. He’s just some random black dude, living in Oakland, that your racist fiancée thought was Reggie McKenzie.
In a way, you’re upset – but in a way, you’ve already known this yourself. You’ve ALWAYS known this.
It strikes you: the reason you took this job in the first place, as the assistant to a GM, is because you like the humiliation. You like serving your master.
You decide to quit your job with the 49ers and live out your dream: as a submissive sex slave in the BDSM underworld.
You didn’t find your QB, but you found your calling.
Congrats (?)
Your search for a QB has taken a turn.
Suddenly, you find yourself wearing a cocktail dress, and dancing seductively for Reggie McKenzie. One thing leads to another, and you spend the whole night as a courtesan entertaining your sultan master. There’s some spanking, and one awkward moment where you scald your testicles on candle wax.
The next morning, you lie naked bed with your fiancée, and Reggie McKenzie, smoking a post-coital cigar (wait, is that a cigar?). Reggie turns to you, and confesses:
That he is NOT Reggie McKenzie. He’s just some random black dude, living in Oakland, that your racist fiancée thought was Reggie McKenzie.
In a way, you’re upset – but in a way, you’ve already known this yourself. You’ve ALWAYS known this.
It strikes you: the reason you took this job in the first place, as the assistant to a GM, is because you like the humiliation. You like serving your master.
You decide to quit your job with the 49ers and live out your dream: as a submissive sex slave in the BDSM underworld.
You didn’t find your QB, but you found your calling.
Congrats (?)
This post was edited on 2/7/17 at 6:05 pm
Posted on 2/7/17 at 6:40 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
Your search for a QB has taken a turn. Suddenly, you find yourself wearing a cocktail dress, and dancing seductively for Reggie McKenzie. One thing leads to another, and you spend the whole night as a courtesan entertaining your sultan master. There’s some spanking, and one awkward moment where you scald your testicles on candle wax. The next morning, you lie naked bed with your fiancée, and Reggie McKenzie, smoking a post-coital cigar (wait, is that a cigar?). Reggie turns to you, and confesses: That he is NOT Reggie McKenzie. He’s just some random black dude, living in Oakland, that your racist fiancée thought was Reggie McKenzie.
Posted on 2/7/17 at 6:47 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Kirk Cousins
2) Chad Kelly
3) Antonio Pipkin
FA money spent: $41 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall), 2018 R1, R2, R4
There's no doubt that you've spent A TON on Kirk Cousins, but he does firmly fill the hole at QB for you. Owner Jed York's happy with the decision, and Coach Shanahan loves having a QB that he can trust his offense with from Day 1. He should be able to spike your win total immediately, which should make that 2018 1st rounder you lost a higher pick than the Redskins realized.
Shanahan and co. aren't thrilled with your backup depth chart, though. On their own, Chad Kelly and Antonio Pipkin would be great upside projects to develop, but developing them both at the same time will present a challenge. To make matters worse, you don't have a single quarterback on your roster ready to step in for Cousins if he gets injured.
Overall, analysts like your Cousins gambit, but feel like you didn't provide him enough protection.
grade: B-
Posted on 2/7/17 at 6:53 pm to Draconian Sanctions
I won
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Brian Hoyer
2) Deshaun Watson
3) Christian Ponder
FA money spent: $15 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall)
You've invested a lot in this QB position -- luring over an expensive (future backup) like Brian Hoyer, and drafting Deshaun Watson at #2.
All that said, people in the building feel like the investments were more than worth it! There's no doubt that your legacy will sink or swim with Watson, but you've set him up in a great position to succeed here. Both Hoyer and 3rd string Christian Ponder have starting experience, and can hold down the fort as long as Watson needs to get ready. Those vets won't need major reps (especially given Hoyer's familiarity with Shanahan), which should allow your coaching staff to devote as much time as they need toward Watson's growth.
You've done an excellent job nailing down your depth chart. Some day, you may watch with pride, as the NFL hands over the "Executive of the Year" trophy to -- John Lynch.
grade: A
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Brian Hoyer
2) Deshaun Watson
3) Christian Ponder
FA money spent: $15 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall)
You've invested a lot in this QB position -- luring over an expensive (future backup) like Brian Hoyer, and drafting Deshaun Watson at #2.
All that said, people in the building feel like the investments were more than worth it! There's no doubt that your legacy will sink or swim with Watson, but you've set him up in a great position to succeed here. Both Hoyer and 3rd string Christian Ponder have starting experience, and can hold down the fort as long as Watson needs to get ready. Those vets won't need major reps (especially given Hoyer's familiarity with Shanahan), which should allow your coaching staff to devote as much time as they need toward Watson's growth.
You've done an excellent job nailing down your depth chart. Some day, you may watch with pride, as the NFL hands over the "Executive of the Year" trophy to -- John Lynch.
grade: A
Posted on 2/7/17 at 9:32 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Kirk Cousins
2) Christian Ponder
3) Chad Kelly
FA money spent: $41 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall), 2018 R1, R2
There's no doubt that you invested HEAVILY in Kirk Cousins, which will hurt your ability to build up the rest of the roster. However, coach Kyle Shanahan feels confident that he can patch together the rest of an offense with spare parts and get this team moving the ball again. Between Cousins, Carlos Hyde and Joe Staley, you'll have a solid offense here. If you inch closer to .500 or so, giving up that 2018 1st rounder won't sting so badly.
Analysts and local media also like what you've done with the rest of the depth chart. Christian Ponder may not be an exciting name, but he's a competent backup who can fill in if Cousins gets hurt. And Chad Kelly is in an ideal situation here to develop. He has two smart veterans in front of him who won't need much coaching; your staff can put in extra time getting him up to speed. And who knows -- if Kelly keeps his nose clean and thrives -- maybe you can parlay him into a high pick in the future. Well done.
grade: A-
I am a big believer in Cousins given his familiarity with what Shanahan will want to run. Plus with a veteran backup, I can take the risk for the high up/high risk draft pick. If Chad Kelly is a bust, doesn't matter.
Plus with how hard it is to get a franchise QB, no price is too high. It is the unproven rookies that is worrisome.
If you promise me a better than 2 to 1 TD to INT ratio and a completion % around 67%, I am taking that.
Posted on 2/8/17 at 2:02 pm to Draconian Sanctions
Got fired on the third screen.
Posted on 2/8/17 at 2:46 pm to Draconian Sanctions
Congratulations, you have fulfilled your mandated and filled your depth chart:
1) Kirk Cousins
2) Chad Kelly
3) Antonio Pipkin
FA money spent: $41 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall), 2018 R1, R2, R4
There's no doubt that you've spent A TON on Kirk Cousins, but he does firmly fill the hole at QB for you. Owner Jed York's happy with the decision, and Coach Shanahan loves having a QB that he can trust his offense with from Day 1. He should be able to spike your win total immediately, which should make that 2018 1st rounder you lost a higher pick than the Redskins realized.
Shanahan and co. aren't thrilled with your backup depth chart, though. On their own, Chad Kelly and Antonio Pipkin would be great upside projects to develop, but developing them both at the same time will present a challenge. To make matters worse, you don't have a single quarterback on your roster ready to step in for Cousins if he gets injured.
Overall, analysts like your Cousins gambit, but feel like you didn't provide him enough protection.
grade: B-
1) Kirk Cousins
2) Chad Kelly
3) Antonio Pipkin
FA money spent: $41 million
Draft picks spent: R1 (#2 overall), 2018 R1, R2, R4
There's no doubt that you've spent A TON on Kirk Cousins, but he does firmly fill the hole at QB for you. Owner Jed York's happy with the decision, and Coach Shanahan loves having a QB that he can trust his offense with from Day 1. He should be able to spike your win total immediately, which should make that 2018 1st rounder you lost a higher pick than the Redskins realized.
Shanahan and co. aren't thrilled with your backup depth chart, though. On their own, Chad Kelly and Antonio Pipkin would be great upside projects to develop, but developing them both at the same time will present a challenge. To make matters worse, you don't have a single quarterback on your roster ready to step in for Cousins if he gets injured.
Overall, analysts like your Cousins gambit, but feel like you didn't provide him enough protection.
grade: B-
Posted on 2/9/17 at 12:56 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
You tell coach Kyle Shanahan that you have your own plan at QB, and can't restrict yourself with any mandates or quotas.
He respects your determination and confidence, shakes your hand, and then fires you.
He reminds you that there's a reason that jabronis like you and John Lynch were hired in the first place -- to do what HE says.
Security escorts you out. On the car ride home, you hear a press conference from the new advisor who's going to replace you: Mike Shanahan.
You come home to an empty apartment. Your fiancee heard the news and decided to leave you. She has a lifestyle to maintain, and she can't afford to waste time with an unemployed arse. She has a hot date tonight -- with Mike
Shanahan!
You failed.
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