Demarco Murray and Derrick Henry help a Reddit user win a bet w/his wife

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DeMarco4FartHole & Henry4Hiney
IT'S TIME, BOYS, FOR A SHITTY THURSDAY NIGHT TRADITION!

Two years ago, my wife made a bet with me that if Bishop Sankey ran for 150 yards on TNF against the Steelers, she'd let me put it in her butt. Unfortunately, we came up 23 yards short. This event was known as Sankey4Stankey.

Last year, she lessened the bet because of our atrocious rushing attack and generally being atrocious overall. Antonio Andrews and David Cobb had to combine for 125+ total yards rushing and receiving. Once again, the Titans failed (91 total yards) and my wife didn't get doody impaled. This event was known as Andrews4Anal & Cobb4Cornhole.

On to the new rules!
130+ offensive yards combined between Murray and Henry. This does not count kick return yardage. It would count passing yardage just in case Mularkey gets a little more erotically exotic than usual. The final yardage is tallied from the end of the game. If they passed 130 and then lost yards, the bet is lost. It's a bit higher standard than last year, but the run game is substantially improved.

I feel like this may by the year, guys. Murray is killing it. Henry's carries are limited, but he's been effective. I'm hopping in the spray tan limousine and riding it to the glory hole. The turd time is the charm.

Help me cheer on these two backs who will have hopefully wrecked'em to get me some rectum.

YARDAGE TRACKER

DeMarco Murray: 128
El Tractorcito: 97
Total: 225/130

I'm at the game so I'll be updating stats between quarters unless something crazy happens.

UPDATE 1: MARIOTA GETTING MY DICK PREPPED!

UPDATE 2:

Umm...guys...

Is this real?

What do I do? I don't even know what to do. SOMEONE PROVIDE VISUAL INSTRUCTIONS!

WE'RE GOING SPEAR FISHING FOR DOO DOO SHARKS THIS WEEKEND GENTLEMEN. THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

UPDATE 3: It's halftime and my phone is at 10% charge. I may disappear soon but I'll be here in spirit. I love all of you. I will be picturing random redditors faces as I'm tickling her balloon knot. It's the least I could do and it'll help me last longer because of you ugly bastards. It's been an honor. This moment has brought a tear to my eye and a bulge to my pants.

FINAL UPDATE: So it's 1:00 AM and I just got home from the stadium. My phone went dead somewhere in the third quarter. As soon as I plugged it in (the phone, not my penis) I had notifications for hundreds of messages.

What a successful night! 225 total yards between DeMarco and Henry. I felt like they were my anal angels down on the field. They were looking out for me.

The wife is asleep right now (she didn't go to the game with me). I'm not 100% sure if she realizes what happened because I had no way of communicating with her while I was at the game. She's in for a quick, painful, and disappointing surprise tomorrow!

I want to say something like "thanks, the support has been overwhelming." Then I realize how weird it is to thank a bunch of internet strangers for supporting me putting my round guy in my wife's brown eye. Either way, this has been the most memorable booty hole mission yet. Apparently it got shared on Bleacher Report or something. I haven't even had time to go through all the posts yet.

I have to get to work early in the morning, so I can't respond to messages right now. I'll get to them as soon as possible.

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