- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
How do you deal with a parent that is losing their mind?
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:38 pm
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:38 pm
My Dad just turned 70. And he's slipping but will not admit it. Worse he gets angry when you point out things. He leaves the stove on with food burning and claims he didn't do it. He loses things. He believes every piece of mail he sees so he calls all the spam mail numbers.
But it gets worse. I noticed his license plate expired. So I tried to help him get it renewed. Then find new has flags for no insurance. So I find his paperwork and it lapsed in October over a $58 missed payment. But it gets worse. I go to set up his insurance and ask for a license. He gives me one that expired in 2024.
And his brake tag is expired.
But I'm almost feel like he shouldn't drive anymore or he should be tested.
I'm trying to have the talk with him. Go see a doctor. But that makes him angry. He can't remeber where he left the remote or his office number even. I feel like he could go to a doctor and get some help. But he won't listen. But it gets even worse. He's picked up drinking beer until he passes out. Like silly drunk though. He acts like a teenager drinking for the first time after 3 beers. After 9 or 10 he's out. And I tell him drinking mashed things worse but he can't admit a problem. He's avoiding other family because they are trying to get him help. I've seen all this before. At this rate I'll be changing diapers In three years.
I don't know how to convince him to see a doctor. He's had colon cancer and a heart attack before. But hasn't seen a doctor in any capacity in ten years. He seems healthy. But I know he needs to get on something to help. He has no short term memory. If I tell him something he'll forget in minutes.
I know others have dealt with it.
But it gets worse. I noticed his license plate expired. So I tried to help him get it renewed. Then find new has flags for no insurance. So I find his paperwork and it lapsed in October over a $58 missed payment. But it gets worse. I go to set up his insurance and ask for a license. He gives me one that expired in 2024.
And his brake tag is expired.
But I'm almost feel like he shouldn't drive anymore or he should be tested.
I'm trying to have the talk with him. Go see a doctor. But that makes him angry. He can't remeber where he left the remote or his office number even. I feel like he could go to a doctor and get some help. But he won't listen. But it gets even worse. He's picked up drinking beer until he passes out. Like silly drunk though. He acts like a teenager drinking for the first time after 3 beers. After 9 or 10 he's out. And I tell him drinking mashed things worse but he can't admit a problem. He's avoiding other family because they are trying to get him help. I've seen all this before. At this rate I'll be changing diapers In three years.
I don't know how to convince him to see a doctor. He's had colon cancer and a heart attack before. But hasn't seen a doctor in any capacity in ten years. He seems healthy. But I know he needs to get on something to help. He has no short term memory. If I tell him something he'll forget in minutes.
I know others have dealt with it.
20
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:49 pm to Napoleon
Sounds like the beer is helping him deal with his cognitive loss. I suspect he knows he's losing it.
My Mom's doctor gave her a cognitive test and asked her "Where are you?"
She answered "I'm right here, can't you see me?" Then looked at me with a smile and wink.
She later developed dementia and is no longer with us. Tough road ahead.
My Mom's doctor gave her a cognitive test and asked her "Where are you?"
She answered "I'm right here, can't you see me?" Then looked at me with a smile and wink.
She later developed dementia and is no longer with us. Tough road ahead.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:49 pm to Napoleon
He likely has dementia. It's a terrible disease. Have family with it. It's brutal.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:50 pm to Napoleon
That sounds hard.
About the driving? Honestly? I'd pocket the keys and feign ignorance.
Keep an eye on him, his bills/obligations... work with family to figure out how to best help him without crushing him.
If he's that forgetful over his car needs... definitely check his utilities, put stuff on autopay if you can.
ETA... see if you can get a website login to his financials, just to make sure he's not paying for scam stuff and whatnot.
About the driving? Honestly? I'd pocket the keys and feign ignorance.
Keep an eye on him, his bills/obligations... work with family to figure out how to best help him without crushing him.
If he's that forgetful over his car needs... definitely check his utilities, put stuff on autopay if you can.
ETA... see if you can get a website login to his financials, just to make sure he's not paying for scam stuff and whatnot.
This post was edited on 4/13/26 at 9:53 pm
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:51 pm to Napoleon
I say this having to deal with a similar situation the past year and a half. Trying to get a parent to do what is overall in their best interest is not easy. They are stubborn, they have been the parent all of your life so having a talk to them about what would be in their best interest to do is something they will likely reject.
A few years before my grandpa died, his kids tried to have a conversation about taking his drivers license away and he told them "if any of you son of a bitches try to stop me from driving you will have to physically fight me", They waited a few weeks and took his wallet. He was really forgetful at that point so they had to pretty much trick him into thinking he lost his license. Told him he would have to go get a new one at the DMV.. because they knew he would likely not do it. And that's when he sort of came to terms with things.. I think it had more to do with his kids telling him he needed to stop driving more than anything so when it was on other terms he accepted it easier.
A few years before my grandpa died, his kids tried to have a conversation about taking his drivers license away and he told them "if any of you son of a bitches try to stop me from driving you will have to physically fight me", They waited a few weeks and took his wallet. He was really forgetful at that point so they had to pretty much trick him into thinking he lost his license. Told him he would have to go get a new one at the DMV.. because they knew he would likely not do it. And that's when he sort of came to terms with things.. I think it had more to do with his kids telling him he needed to stop driving more than anything so when it was on other terms he accepted it easier.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:52 pm to Napoleon
With a great deal of patience and heartache.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 9:59 pm to Napoleon
My father-in-law has dementia, and it’s one of the most challenging diseases imaginable. Godspeed if that’s what it is.
I would make the appointment and then tell him it’s time to leave. Don’t let it become a conversation or argument. Be insistent and demanding until he gets in the car with you. He needs an evaluation by a neurologist. ASAP.
I would make the appointment and then tell him it’s time to leave. Don’t let it become a conversation or argument. Be insistent and demanding until he gets in the car with you. He needs an evaluation by a neurologist. ASAP.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:06 pm to Napoleon
With sympathy, I can say I’ve looked into this. My grandparents experienced it but my parents and aunts and uncles dealt with it. Now I’m seeing the same signs in my parents.
I’m not a medical person or haven anything but Google to back me but it makes sense. A large part of our brains is made from good cholesterol (HDL). People don’t get much of that any more. In old days we cooked with animal fats and we got the HDL that was needed for our brains. During WWII there was a shortage so vegatable oil and other substitutes were made. Substitutes that didn’t have the HDL that’s needed to keep our brains healthy.
I’d be curious if your ole man started sucking in cracklings, gnawing steak fat, and eating bacon and eggs more if it would help regenerate the parts of the brain that have deteriorated.
If anyone smarter than me has an argument against this, then please shut me up. I’m not here to debate and would welcome anything.
I’m not a medical person or haven anything but Google to back me but it makes sense. A large part of our brains is made from good cholesterol (HDL). People don’t get much of that any more. In old days we cooked with animal fats and we got the HDL that was needed for our brains. During WWII there was a shortage so vegatable oil and other substitutes were made. Substitutes that didn’t have the HDL that’s needed to keep our brains healthy.
I’d be curious if your ole man started sucking in cracklings, gnawing steak fat, and eating bacon and eggs more if it would help regenerate the parts of the brain that have deteriorated.
If anyone smarter than me has an argument against this, then please shut me up. I’m not here to debate and would welcome anything.
This post was edited on 4/13/26 at 10:22 pm
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:19 pm to Napoleon
My grandpa had dementia and now my dad is showing the signs but tries his best to hide it. I’ve been wondering how to deal with it as well.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:28 pm to Napoleon
The Louisiana State Police has a form you can fill out to have someone’s driver’s license taken away because you think they are a danger. But you have to sign it. If he makes inquiries, he will know who the rat is and can file to get it back.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:29 pm to Craigwest
quote:
my dad is showing the signs but tries his best to hide it. I’ve been wondering how to deal with it as well.
If he’s still very early... do you think having a conversation with him, hypothetical of course, on how he'd want different maladies handled, say... broken hip, extended medical needs, dementia, etc, ... would you be able to get him to think ahead and plan for these things, would that work?
All hypothetical stuff, of course, in a general "what are your directives, dad?" kinda way?
These are probably discussions we need to be having with our parents before problems arise.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:45 pm to Napoleon
Sorry to read your OP Nap.
Sucks for him, you and everyone else involved.
Sounds tough with his denial.
Hang in there and remember he’s scared and confused.
Sucks for him, you and everyone else involved.
Sounds tough with his denial.
Hang in there and remember he’s scared and confused.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:52 pm to Rebel
quote:
With a great deal of patience and heartache.
And more importantly a good lawyer, sympathetic doctor and a knowledgeable money guy.
My Dad all but wrecked his finances before he was legally declared incompetent. I know this sounds harsh, but that’s the first thing you need to do, if you can. If he is somewhat compliant, he might sign over power of attorney to you which would avoid the incompetency declaration.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:57 pm to SallysHuman
He pays every bill in person. He gets cash out the bank. He won't use debit or credit. I don't get it.
I know it's dementia. I also know I'm pretty much stuck with it. .
I just wish it wouldn't start so early. My grandpa was 75 before he really started getting like this.
I know it's dementia. I also know I'm pretty much stuck with it. .
I just wish it wouldn't start so early. My grandpa was 75 before he really started getting like this.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 10:59 pm to StringedInstruments
I'm going to try and get his brother who is a doctor to talk to him.
I think he's avoiding his brothers because they were trying to get him to see someone.
He gets crazy angry if you mention a doctor.
I think he's avoiding his brothers because they were trying to get him to see someone.
He gets crazy angry if you mention a doctor.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 11:04 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:THIS ^^^
I would make the appointment and then tell him it’s time to leave. Don’t let it become a conversation or argument. Be insistent and demanding until he gets in the car with
you. He needs an evaluation by a neurologist. ASAP.
But you need to make sure that the neurologist actually works memory care issues as their specialty rather than other areas within that general area. It is easy to wind up in the wrong environment if you do not check things out before you get there.
Been dealing with this ailment with one family member for a long time and it is on the horizon with another.
Brutal.
Read the "36 Hour Day."
Posted on 4/13/26 at 11:04 pm to Napoleon
quote:
I know it's dementia. I also know I'm pretty much stuck with it. . I just wish it wouldn't start so early. My grandpa was 75 before he really started getting like this.
I'm so sorry. My husband's grandmother went through it, it was really hard on his mom and dad, especially his mom.
I really hope and pray you are able to find resources to guide you and your father going through this. Google stinks and reddit is a cesspool... but there have so be some decent group-sourced knowledge bases out there to help people navigate these things.
My area in SC has community support and groups on aging parents and dementia. Maybe your local area does too.
No matter what you find though, it's going to be difficult. ((hugs)) for both of you.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 11:14 pm to Napoleon
Telling him that whatever the problem is may be fixable doesn’t help?
Be strong bro. It’s a tough row to hoe.
Be strong bro. It’s a tough row to hoe.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 11:30 pm to Napoleon
Hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Im 30 and my dad was 61 when he passed last November. Strongest, most stoic man I could ever know, but last June started seeing signs of dementia and psychosis. It was shortlived, but kick myself everyday for not seeking help right away. It may not have made a difference, but I would get him in right away
The brain is a weird organ, by the time we could get my dad diagnosed (and we still don't know what exactly it was) it was too late to do anything
The brain is a weird organ, by the time we could get my dad diagnosed (and we still don't know what exactly it was) it was too late to do anything
This post was edited on 4/13/26 at 11:35 pm
Posted on 4/13/26 at 11:40 pm to Napoleon
My dad is 84 and was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia two years ago. It started out with him having hallucinations of dogs running through the house, then a consistent delusion of
workmen trying to tear down or reposes the house, now it’s disfigured children that he sees, and just last Sunday, a delusion of children engaging in depraved sexual acts…he is a good man disturbed by what he is seeing and doesn’t seem to know what is real. Tomorrow morning mom and I are taking him to a nursing home. He knows it and he knows who we are, but he physically can’t do for himself. It’s been tough.
workmen trying to tear down or reposes the house, now it’s disfigured children that he sees, and just last Sunday, a delusion of children engaging in depraved sexual acts…he is a good man disturbed by what he is seeing and doesn’t seem to know what is real. Tomorrow morning mom and I are taking him to a nursing home. He knows it and he knows who we are, but he physically can’t do for himself. It’s been tough.
Page 1 of 2
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News