Whats the craziest "almost shite my pants" story you got?

Why'd you go back to the spot?

I think I was afraid people would know it was a human shite and would somehow link it to me so I was going to try to casually get rid of it.

It was on the blacktop and was rather sizeable.

Couldn't make it to the grass edge. I should have gotten rid of it then, but i was so scared someone would come up the road I just hopped back in and drove off.

DAMN!

Almost shite my pants story? I got nothing.

Actually shite my pants story? I'm your huckleberry.

I was in my marketing 301 exam at UT. Halfway through, the shits hit with the fury of a thousand virgins. During exams, they don't allow you to leave, so I had to either hold it in for dear life or make a run for it. I needed to make a 46 on the exam to maintain my A in the class, so I just said frick it and Christmas treed the Scantron and ran out of there to blow up the nearest shitter. Ended up making a 60 something

Heading to check out a house with a real estate person. Had to pull over on a rural highway and run into the woods and shite. Wiped with leaves. This was probably 25 years ago.

I once got a police escort to the closest gas station. I barely made it, and the accommodations were not great, but I made it.

I got pulled over for speeding. Cop came to the window and in moment that can only be described as a rapid fire diarrhea of the mouth I told him I had to shite and was just trying to make it to the gas station and he was holding me up. He said, "I was in that same situation this morning, follow me!". It was a little over two miles to the gas station and we did 85 all the way with his lights on. I got out, did the fast-slow-fast-slow penguin waddle to the gas station door, stopping for a second inside to let the wave pass.

I fully expected for him to be waiting to give me a ticket when I came out. I bought a bottle of water — it was the least I could do after what just happened in that restroom. I went out the door and he was nowhere in sight.

I kind of like to think he was my guardian angel that day.

I had been hunting and had a rock climbing harness on. It had some weird archaic buckle on the front that was a bitch to loosen. I rushed home to shite and couldn't get the buckle loose in time to get the harness and my pants down. Shite myself standing in front of the toilet.

I was on a plane flight from Houston to New Orleans and we were on approach with the entire "buckle up stay in your seats" scenario and my stomach went ape shite. I tried my hardest but as soon as we landed I had to go BAD and hopped up and ran into the bathroom on the plane. Well fricking apparently per regulations once someone gets up and barricades themselves in a toilet, the plane has to stop. So I locked up an entire runway while flight attendants were banging on the door asking me to come out. I had to speak with police because apparently they were called. The plane had to be searched. There were about 130 pissed off people and I was slightly embarrassed

2am in the drive-thru line at Taco Bell. Almost left my car at the window to run to the gas station bathroom. But I made it home, then passed out afterwards without even eating the food lol. Crushed it the next morning.