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Message
Just found out a couple guys I went to high school with recently killed themselves
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:33 pm
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:33 pm
On top of that, a work colleague killed himself a couple weeks ago. It's been hard to process this. We're all in our forties. I wasn't close to any of them, but we ran in the same circles, had families, good jobs, and were respected contributors to society.
I've seen a lot of men have had a hard time hitting middle age. The mid life crisis is real. We work so hard to get to this point, but getting here leaves little lasting satisfaction. An expensive car or 20 year old side piece isn't solving anything. It's only going to make it worse.
I used to think committing suicide was a terribly selfish thing to do as you've left all of your loved ones to take on the buren of your suffering. It's hard to have empathy for someone who looks back at their life and thinks they've worked their asses for nothing when they can't see the children who need them and friends who love them. I still think it's selfish and self centered, but I do understand how they can feel tired and empty.
To the best I know, none of these guys were seeing a therapist or psychologist. They carried a giant burden that was too overwhelming. If any of y'all out there are struggling, find someone who can talk you through your thoughts. I know it's helped me.
I've seen a lot of men have had a hard time hitting middle age. The mid life crisis is real. We work so hard to get to this point, but getting here leaves little lasting satisfaction. An expensive car or 20 year old side piece isn't solving anything. It's only going to make it worse.
I used to think committing suicide was a terribly selfish thing to do as you've left all of your loved ones to take on the buren of your suffering. It's hard to have empathy for someone who looks back at their life and thinks they've worked their asses for nothing when they can't see the children who need them and friends who love them. I still think it's selfish and self centered, but I do understand how they can feel tired and empty.
To the best I know, none of these guys were seeing a therapist or psychologist. They carried a giant burden that was too overwhelming. If any of y'all out there are struggling, find someone who can talk you through your thoughts. I know it's helped me.
34
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:35 pm to Rex Feral
If all of life is just about money, career...even family, you can end up feeling this way.
We were made to commune with God.
He is the only thing that can deliver the kind of purpose and fulfillment that can't be lost.
We were made to commune with God.
He is the only thing that can deliver the kind of purpose and fulfillment that can't be lost.
This post was edited on 12/9/24 at 12:36 pm
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:35 pm to Rex Feral
Nowadays with these “women’s rights” to control men you can’t even have a good mid life crisis anymore
ETA:
Therapy is just paying to talk to a lib until you agree with them
ETA:
quote:
To the best I know, none of these guys were seeing a therapist or psychologist
Therapy is just paying to talk to a lib until you agree with them
This post was edited on 12/9/24 at 12:37 pm
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:37 pm to Rex Feral
It is all part of the male privilege.
I'd say it has been made worse by our social media society, but historically both me and my wife's families have had some suicide through the generations. I dunno, sorry you're dealing with that. Even if they were from your past, it shakes you a bit as you get older. Hard to make sense of.
I'd say it has been made worse by our social media society, but historically both me and my wife's families have had some suicide through the generations. I dunno, sorry you're dealing with that. Even if they were from your past, it shakes you a bit as you get older. Hard to make sense of.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:39 pm to el Gaucho
quote:
Therapy is just paying to talk to a lib until you agree with them
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:39 pm to Rex Feral
Good post
Wifes uncle ended it last year unexpectedly. No one knew why and he left no note. Just walked outside and checked out one day
Wifes uncle ended it last year unexpectedly. No one knew why and he left no note. Just walked outside and checked out one day
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:39 pm to el Gaucho
quote:
Therapy is just paying to talk to a lib until you agree with them
I know you're a huge troll, but... maybe you aren't too far off with this one.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:39 pm to Rex Feral
Men in the construction industry are particularly prone to suicide around this time of year due to the nature of work and the work schedules around the holidays.
Always be a lending hand for someone going through a tough time, but stretch out a little further around the holidays. Men have a lot on their plates to provide for their loved ones.
Always be a lending hand for someone going through a tough time, but stretch out a little further around the holidays. Men have a lot on their plates to provide for their loved ones.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:40 pm to wackatimesthree
quote:
If all of life is just about money, career...even family, you can end up feeling this way.
We were made to commune with God.
He is the only thing that can deliver the kind of purpose and fulfillment that can't be lost.
Agree 100% brother. And for those who don't, consider reading the works of King Solomon anyways. That was a man who had more than any of us every will combined - he had some very interesting viewpoints on wealth & power
This post was edited on 12/9/24 at 12:41 pm
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:40 pm to Rex Feral
I agree. It’s a shame when a young man in his 40’s ends his own life. I do understand how someone can be tired of this world. At 73 with a bad back and constant pain and unable to do many things I love doing, I am weary of life but so far my concern for the effect on my family has kept me here.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:43 pm to Rex Feral
Mental health is a huge problem for men today and I'm seeing it more and more with people I know. The pressures of today's society on men are immense.
I think it's important to take a step back once in a while and take care of yourself. If there's one thing I've noticed over the past few years, men are not alone in what they're going through privately and if you just talk to friends, chances are they'll breathe a sigh of relief and admit they're thinking the same things as you are. It's good to talk about it with others because it normalizes it, then you are able to deal with it easier knowing you're not alone.
Anyone reading this who has stuff they're going through, seek a counselor. Odds are you get telehealth 100% or damn near free of charge through your health insurance.
I think it's important to take a step back once in a while and take care of yourself. If there's one thing I've noticed over the past few years, men are not alone in what they're going through privately and if you just talk to friends, chances are they'll breathe a sigh of relief and admit they're thinking the same things as you are. It's good to talk about it with others because it normalizes it, then you are able to deal with it easier knowing you're not alone.
Anyone reading this who has stuff they're going through, seek a counselor. Odds are you get telehealth 100% or damn near free of charge through your health insurance.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:43 pm to Rex Feral
This is an interesting topic to me, not only because I'm close to the age bracket but because it doesn't always seem to square with what we generally know about suicide.
*most* of the suicides I'm aware of are from people who had long battles with mental illness and likely are ones where family members had some fear/expectation that it would eventually come.
Are the men doing this in that bucket, and they've just sought to live as normally as possible (thereby pushing down crippling depression/anxiety, etc.)? Or is is situational (overwhelming pressure from work/money/kids) or some combo of both?
*most* of the suicides I'm aware of are from people who had long battles with mental illness and likely are ones where family members had some fear/expectation that it would eventually come.
Are the men doing this in that bucket, and they've just sought to live as normally as possible (thereby pushing down crippling depression/anxiety, etc.)? Or is is situational (overwhelming pressure from work/money/kids) or some combo of both?
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:44 pm to Rex Feral
I've known many people who committed suicide, going back to high school and up to a few years ago. I think my HS class was cursed, we had 5 or 6 people die over the course of 3 years while the other classes had zero..
Most suicided people were heavily grieving over a breakup.
Some were failing to live up to parental expectations and it ate them up inside. I had a cousin in this group.
At least two it turns out had untreated schizophrenia.
I've been through some heavy times and dark shite but never considered ending my own life. I have to wonder if there's a propensity for certain people to feel like ending their life if hurt or stress get to a certain level. Like is it a genetic weakness or something.
Most suicided people were heavily grieving over a breakup.
Some were failing to live up to parental expectations and it ate them up inside. I had a cousin in this group.
At least two it turns out had untreated schizophrenia.
I've been through some heavy times and dark shite but never considered ending my own life. I have to wonder if there's a propensity for certain people to feel like ending their life if hurt or stress get to a certain level. Like is it a genetic weakness or something.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:44 pm to el Gaucho
quote:
Therapy is just paying to talk to a lib until you agree with them
There are conservative guys out there. You just have to find them.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:46 pm to Pettifogger
I just think men in general have so much pressure to provide for their families that it comes to a breaking point, more so now with the cost of living. I’d imagine it’s pretty tough to look your children in the eyes and not know if you’ll be able to provide for them.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:48 pm to Rex Feral
When it comes to therapy, I don't think the therapist's political views are important. It's mostly about having a professional who has a way with words, knows what to ask and when in the conversation to ask it. Someone who's going through issues just needs someone to talk to who can offer a professional bit of advice with a personal touch.
If I needed therapy, I wouldn't care who my therapist votes for. Perhaps if one has politics as a condition of professional help, they're not a good open-minded candidate for therapy in the first place.
If I needed therapy, I wouldn't care who my therapist votes for. Perhaps if one has politics as a condition of professional help, they're not a good open-minded candidate for therapy in the first place.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:50 pm to RaginCajunz
quote:
I'd say it has been made worse by our social media society
It is not just social media. The little phone in your pocket 24/7 makes it hard to turn off from work and family. At work, I get bothered by my family texting or calling, and at home, I get bothered by customers.
for instance, I told every customer of mine that I was going in for my wife's c-section and when the surgery was going to be.
As I was taking a picture of my wife holding the baby, I got a text from a customer: "I know y'all are having a baby today, but quick question..."
i am not even in some high-stress role anymore
grandpa might have grinded harder on the rig but at least when he was done for the day, he was done
This post was edited on 12/9/24 at 12:51 pm
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:51 pm to PapaPogey
That's certainly an understandable thought process.
But the conventional wisdom is usually that some major mental illness was below the surface - hence, suicide isn't selfish, you can't blame yourself for not doing more to help, etc. That's not to be accusatory or question those points, I'm just talking about how to square these incidents with what we think of/know about suicide at large.
And obviously if something in our culture is changing such that people who haven't had major mental breaks/struggles are committing suicide over environmental (read: family, money, work, whatever) stuff - all the more important for us to know that and tackle it.
But the conventional wisdom is usually that some major mental illness was below the surface - hence, suicide isn't selfish, you can't blame yourself for not doing more to help, etc. That's not to be accusatory or question those points, I'm just talking about how to square these incidents with what we think of/know about suicide at large.
And obviously if something in our culture is changing such that people who haven't had major mental breaks/struggles are committing suicide over environmental (read: family, money, work, whatever) stuff - all the more important for us to know that and tackle it.
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:54 pm to Rex Feral
Pick a great woman who is a great wife/mother and have kids. If there’s nothing else to live for they are enough to trump any issues life may bring.
People under estimate the impact who they choose to be their partner in life makes. You as a man obviously have to do your part as husband/father.
People under estimate the impact who they choose to be their partner in life makes. You as a man obviously have to do your part as husband/father.
This post was edited on 12/9/24 at 12:55 pm
Posted on 12/9/24 at 12:55 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
To the best I know, none of these guys were seeing a therapist or psychologist.
I just don't agree with modern therapist. I don't think it does a whole lot, especially for men. Men need something else that isn't an endless discussion about emotions.
Modern therapy isn't adequate to understand male issues.
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