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re: My Mom has been getting worse with her dementia
Posted on 4/27/24 at 12:01 pm to Kashmir
Posted on 4/27/24 at 12:01 pm to Kashmir
It’s brutal. One characteristic of my grandmother who had dementia was she constantly wanted to see or talk to people who had long been dead. Luckily she was able to stay at home with my grandfather and a caretaker until she died. I am thankful for that.
Posted on 4/27/24 at 12:06 pm to Pisco
That's tough brother. Wishing y'all the best.
No experience in this dept but I would imagine just being there in support is important now and for your future peace of mind.
No experience in this dept but I would imagine just being there in support is important now and for your future peace of mind.
This post was edited on 4/27/24 at 12:11 pm
Posted on 4/27/24 at 12:29 pm to Jim Rockford
I am so sorry Jim - my dad is developing the same issue, and we just found out he has Afib now, as well as an infection they are trying to treat aggressively to prevent sepsis.
the VA is setting them up for inhouse hospice care - it was difficult to hear.
the VA is setting them up for inhouse hospice care - it was difficult to hear.
Posted on 4/27/24 at 12:41 pm to Pisco
quote:
Lately she’s been sleeping late into the day. She’s gone almost two weeks without taking a shower and we have to beg her to do it. Sometimes she refuses to change out of her dirty depends.
Same thing my step dad went thru recently. Had to put him in nursing home
Posted on 4/27/24 at 6:28 pm to TheOcean
quote:
Also, don't forget if either spouse was a vet, you can also get caregiver benefits turned on and a lifetime pension called aid and attendance. The pension for aid and attendance is $2,700/mo tax free for life for a married couple. It's life changing for many seniors.
Curious about this. As I think I mentioned earlier my mom has Parkinson's and is developing congestive heart failure and is getting beyond what the wife and I can do for her.
My dad was drafted in I think '51. Ended up in a transportation battalion in Germany, served his 2 years active duty, and was discharged with another 2 years of inactive reserve. He and mom met/married after his time was up.
He died in 1994. The only two VA benefits he ever used were a VA loan in the 60s or 70s to buy my grandmother a house, and he has a VA foot stone.
Dad never saw combat, did his minimum tour. Would mom still qualify for the caregiver benefits or aid and attention service?
Posted on 4/27/24 at 6:35 pm to Pisco
Lost my mom 2 months ago after battling dementia for about 5 years. The last year was hard. She would sleep 20 hours/day and never shower or eat if we let her. We were fortunate to keep her at home with round the clock sitters. I think she would have passed a year ago without good care. One thing I noticed with her is when she was at the point that your mom is at now, we couldn’t really give her choices. She wasn’t mentally capable of making decisions. We had to say ok mom it’s time to eat. Or time to shower. Or let’s walk to the bathroom now. That worked well for her and I think it may have prolonged her life some.
Posted on 4/30/24 at 1:12 pm to GRIZZ
Had an appointment yesterday to see about putting on her on hospice and it was not reassuring. My mother is in excruciating pain from her degenerating hip, They basically admitted that upping her pain meds any more would cause her to be sedated all the time and that they wouldn't do anything to encourage her to eat and drink, which she hasn't been doing for a few days, so she will probably decline and die pretty quickly and not be able to interact with us very much if at all.. You see the testimonials about how wonderful hospice it is but it's clear to me the reality is going to be something else, at least for us.
OTOH she was crying in pain when they got her up to use the bathroom today so we have to do something.
OTOH she was crying in pain when they got her up to use the bathroom today so we have to do something.
Posted on 4/30/24 at 1:25 pm to Pisco
I really feel for you OP. My grandmother passed last July and was showing early signs of it. It was progressing rapidly before she went. In fact the last voicemail I had from her was a rant about how my grandfather had abandoned her and she wanted me to come and get him. He had been dead for 12 years.
I miss her every day but I’m grateful she was spared the brunt of that disease. Especially for my dads sake.
I miss her every day but I’m grateful she was spared the brunt of that disease. Especially for my dads sake.
Posted on 4/30/24 at 1:45 pm to elprez00
I lost my Mom to lewy body dementia 11 years ago. It was heart wrenching watching her decline and how quick it was and there was nothing that could be done. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
Posted on 4/30/24 at 1:59 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
Since this is the dementia thread... My mother got her meds down with great difficulty this morning. The nurses think she's lost her ability to swallow and recommended hospice. I knew it was coming but nothing prepares you for it.
It’s a terrible time with zero options that feel right. But As long as you respectfully love and cherish her in the end time, you eventually will feel peace with the decisions
Posted on 4/30/24 at 2:26 pm to Jim Rockford
Just seeing this thread, but it brings me back to my dad. He passed a year ago in February after a few year bout with dementia.
I don't have a whole lot of advice that hasn't already been said. But a few things stand out:
- Take care of the primary caregiver. My mom was my dad's primary caregiver, and it was exhausting for her. Just giving her some time to go grocery shopping by herself or to a doctor's appointment without having to worry about dragging him along was some relief. As much as this disease ravages the person with it, it affects the caregiver just as much.
- Always stay calm. You can't solve anything by getting upset with anything he/she does. It will only make things worse. Particularly if Sundowners is involved. My dad would be relatively peaceful during the day even though he didn't know what planet he was on. But come evening, he turned into a different person. The longer days certainly helped, because in the winter when it got dark at 5pm, it was really rough. But know that whatever he/she says is not to be taken personally.
- As others have said, look into hospice care so that a nurse can come to the house several times a week. There are no medications that can slow down the process, but a few can help ease some of the moodiness. However, some of them can have the opposite effect, so some experimentation may be in order.
- I wish we had gone with a memory care facility earlier. By the time my dad got to be too much for my mom to handle on her own, he was too far gone. He spent 2 nights in a memory care facility, then was unable to eat, drink or communicate. He spent the next 10 days or so in hospice care before passing peacefully. I was fortunate to be at his side when he took his last breath. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. But it was as much of a relief as it was sad. Seeing him like that for years and the toll it took on my mom was rough.
Good luck to all going through this. It's a truly awful disease.
I don't have a whole lot of advice that hasn't already been said. But a few things stand out:
- Take care of the primary caregiver. My mom was my dad's primary caregiver, and it was exhausting for her. Just giving her some time to go grocery shopping by herself or to a doctor's appointment without having to worry about dragging him along was some relief. As much as this disease ravages the person with it, it affects the caregiver just as much.
- Always stay calm. You can't solve anything by getting upset with anything he/she does. It will only make things worse. Particularly if Sundowners is involved. My dad would be relatively peaceful during the day even though he didn't know what planet he was on. But come evening, he turned into a different person. The longer days certainly helped, because in the winter when it got dark at 5pm, it was really rough. But know that whatever he/she says is not to be taken personally.
- As others have said, look into hospice care so that a nurse can come to the house several times a week. There are no medications that can slow down the process, but a few can help ease some of the moodiness. However, some of them can have the opposite effect, so some experimentation may be in order.
- I wish we had gone with a memory care facility earlier. By the time my dad got to be too much for my mom to handle on her own, he was too far gone. He spent 2 nights in a memory care facility, then was unable to eat, drink or communicate. He spent the next 10 days or so in hospice care before passing peacefully. I was fortunate to be at his side when he took his last breath. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. But it was as much of a relief as it was sad. Seeing him like that for years and the toll it took on my mom was rough.
Good luck to all going through this. It's a truly awful disease.
Posted on 4/30/24 at 2:47 pm to Pisco
My gf dad is going through it and cancer. It’s tough. Sometimes he wants to know who this woman is in his house. Doesn’t know his daughter, grandkids…. It’s very sad. Advice? Man all I can say is try to stay patient.
Posted on 4/30/24 at 6:09 pm to Pisco
My stepmom has it and is now in a care facility. She would leave the house when she was alone, walk into town with thousands of dollars in her purse. Alzheimer’s, Dementia and Cancer are absolutely brutal to deal with. I’ve had a few family members experience those.
Posted on 5/1/24 at 7:31 pm to Jim Rockford
Hospice nurse came today. They'll start her on morphine in the morning. Her bp is 60/40 and she has an irregular heartbeat. Nurse said she might perk up and start eating and drinking once the pain is under control but based on her observation she has a few weeks,probably less than a month. Maybe less than that if she doesn't start taking nutrition.
I've never felt more alone.
I've never felt more alone.
Posted on 5/1/24 at 8:16 pm to Jim Rockford
Sorry to hear. Will be praying for you and of course the op.
Posted on 5/1/24 at 8:18 pm to Jim Rockford
Sorry to hear that my friend.. prayers sent.
Posted on 5/1/24 at 10:18 pm to dukke v
Thanks guys. I'm pretty disconsolate right now but at least I have a lot to occupy me and keep my mind off it somewhat. I dread what comes after, Once the funeral is over, in a week or two everybody else goes back to their normal routine and you're alone with just your thoughts.
Posted on 5/1/24 at 10:27 pm to Jim Rockford
I lost my mom (54 years old) to early onset Alzheimers around Christmas last year. I know what you're going through and am happy to help, even if you just want someone to listen
Posted on 5/1/24 at 10:40 pm to Pisco
Dementia runs in may family, if I live long enough, it will effect me (and many of us). Hopefully, I'll have a moment of lucidity when it hits and be able to down a handful pills.
Posted on 5/1/24 at 11:07 pm to Jim Rockford
I am relatively local, so if you want to get away for an hour let me know…we can grab a burger or something.
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