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re: Genuine OT help on a new engagee
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:02 am to Lester Earl
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:02 am to Lester Earl
She's a people pleaser, she wants the destination wedding, which could care less but I'm all in with her and what she wants. But she wants to make sure it can accommodate all of our family members across the states; her brides mades and some family are in Alaska. I want it to be her day and our union. That's the only guarantee. We've been in love from day 1, I mean that literally. I want her happiness, that's it. I know this means the world to her and I told her I can help in any way possible but she's overwhelmed and she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
7
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:11 am to RocketPower13
quote:
She's a people pleaser, she wants the destination wedding, which could care less but I'm all in with her and what she wants. But she wants to make sure it can accommodate all of our family members across the states; her brides mades and some family are in Alaska. I want it to be her day and our union. That's the only guarantee. We've been in love from day 1, I mean that literally. I want her happiness, that's it. I know this means the world to her and I told her I can help in any way possible but she's overwhelmed and she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
Look here brother -- I was an elopement type and we had a destination wedding as a happy medium. You ain't going to be able to please everybody.
Focus on things in this order:
1. Destination that makes YOU and HER happy and is not over the top. I.E. Somewhere people can fly within US/Canada/Mexico and then drive (<3 hours). If it's somewhere people can fly to direct, thats definitly better.
Destination also is great for another reason -- it weeds out the herd. The people you care about being there will be there.
2. Having things at the wedding that make you happy but also considering things that your guest will enjoy. IE, don't be like my dickhead friend having black tie in the woods in 90 degree weather...
3. Family considerations -- honestly, you can't let memaw drive you wedding decisions. My wife's grandparents wouldn't have really been fit to travel anywhere more than 15 min from their home anyway. We did our destination wedding and then we did a church thing back in her area with a party with her big arse extended family.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:11 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:11 am to RocketPower13
quote:
want her happiness, that's it.
I understand your premise here, but you can't want her happiness more than she does.
quote:
I know this means the world to her and I told her I can help in any way possible but she's overwhelmed and she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
Get the word "perfect" out of your head. A newborn baby is perfect. A wedding is not and will never be.
It appears that both of you are allowing the need to satisfy others to ruin what is meant to be the day for the two of you. You're both too focused on the "event." Yes, it's a special day, but it's just ONE day. I see and hear far too many people do this. Statistically, most marriages don't work. And they are far less likely to work the second and third time around. I don't say this to scare you. I say this to put the focus on the days after the "event" in order to have the most success possible and not be "let down" after the wedding day - which so many people look forward to, yet fail to realize is only the start of your marriage --- and not the climax.
My suggestion to you is to keep it simple. If she can't or won't make a decision and is too overwhelmed by the stress of trying to please everyone, shift the focus to strictly back to her and you. It's okay to be respectfully selfish.
Less is more and bigger is not always better.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:14 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:12 am to RocketPower13
No way to make everyone happy. She needs to just focus on y’all happiness.
And the desire for a destination wedding AND making sure everyone can attend won’t work. Accept it now. If you can’t convince her to accept that basic logical fact then you’ll struggle to convince her of anything based in logic for the entirety of your marriage and it’ll drive you crazy.
Grow a pair and tell her what needs to be done. She can make the choices but she’s got to start.
And the desire for a destination wedding AND making sure everyone can attend won’t work. Accept it now. If you can’t convince her to accept that basic logical fact then you’ll struggle to convince her of anything based in logic for the entirety of your marriage and it’ll drive you crazy.
Grow a pair and tell her what needs to be done. She can make the choices but she’s got to start.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:19 am to RocketPower13
Destination wedding is the height of selfishness.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 8:49 am to RocketPower13
quote:
she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
Unrealistic expectations
Posted on 10/9/23 at 9:57 am to RocketPower13
quote:
she wants the destination wedding
quote:These are mutually exclusive. The point of a destination wedding is so you DON'T have to deal with accommodating a bunch of people. Anyone who can come will come and those who can't don't have to feel bad about it. If she wants to accommodate all these people, then have it close to home.
But she wants to make sure it can accommodate all of our family members across the states
That's the reason she can't make any decisions, because she's trying to solve an unsolvable problem. Tell her to pick which alternative is more important to her, and go from there.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 3:52 pm to RocketPower13
quote:
She's a people pleaser, she wants the destination wedding
She is the opposite of a people pleaser if she wants that. So I assume she's telling all of these people that it's in Hawaii yet refuses to pick a date so the people asking can make plans...and save money?
Y'all are asking a LOT of your friends and family.
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