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re: A good buddy called me asking for money yesterday. Update 6/12

Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:22 am to
Posted by gumbeaux
Member since Jun 2004
4538 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:22 am to
There is no way I would give him money based on the circumstances you described.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
74787 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:23 am to
quote:

Now take that $600 and go finance you a SxS baw, it's the OT way



wouldn't that be better spent towards an iPhone upgrade?
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
111718 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:27 am to
quote:

Maybe I’m too generous and maybe it’s because I’m not in the same situation but if the loan doesn’t hurt my family or investment plans, I’m definitely helping a friend in need
The issue at hand is you're not really helping them.

Given that scenario, there's a 99.9999999% chance that friend will be broke and asking for more money soon. So it's not helping, it's just kicking the can down the road. And at some point, you will have to say no, and he will stop being your friend. That is a darn near certainty given the specific scenario the OP laid out. So you can lose a friend after giving them 1000s of dollars or you can lose a friend without giving them anything. Not really that difficult a choice once you piece it together IMO.



And again, we have to remember, the friend didn't concede that he does need to make lifestyle changes. In fact, he did the exact opposite, he got angry at OP at the mere suggestion. He's not changing...at all.
Posted by Tigahs24Seven
Communist USA
Member since Nov 2007
12551 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:28 am to
Perfect response. Hold the line. You would have lost him if you gave him money. You would never see it back, and it would change everything about your current relationship equilibrium.
Posted by bgtiger
Prairieville
Member since Dec 2004
11490 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:30 am to
It’s just money.
Posted by Lakeboy7
New Orleans
Member since Jul 2011
23965 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:33 am to
Happened to me recently.

Good drinking buddy laid off and divorced about the same time. O and G job made 170-180.

Got 3 months full pay severance and sat on a bar stool everyday for the whole 3 months. Then sat there another 6 months burning through his savings. No attempt to go to work.

Asked for 10k I said no, cant (wont) do it because you arent even trying. He kept drinking and had to spend a week in the hospital, BP, liver all that.

He claims to be offshore now but I know a friend gave in 10 recently.
Posted by LSUSkip
Central, LA
Member since Jul 2012
18662 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:33 am to
If it was like a hundred to help him keep his lights on, I would do it, no problem. If it was more than that, you're helping him more with the tough love than the money. I do alot of things for extra money right now that I wouldn't have had to do even a year ago. If that doesn't work, we're gonna have to cut something we need out of the budget.
Posted by H2O Tiger
Delta Sky Club
Member since May 2021
6644 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:34 am to
quote:

wouldn't that be better spent towards an iPhone upgrade?


Not when you can finance it for 24 months, they just add it to your bill
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
111718 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:37 am to
quote:

Give him the money. Is it worth a friendship?
Why do people keep saying this? OP wouldn't be the one choosing to end the friendship, so this does not apply to OP.

I imagine OP would be more than happy simply saying no and continuing to be friends.

This idea that a friend can hold your friendship hostage over money and you have to pay a ransom to keep being friends and if you don't it's your fault you lose a "friendship" is wild.
Posted by real turf fan
East Tennessee
Member since Dec 2016
9330 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:40 am to
A long time friend had run up several thousand in credit card bills and didn't want to take that debt into marriage. I had the money but we agreed it would be difficult for her to pay me each and every month. It would just be too personal.
So, I gave her the money to pay off the credit cards and she did, and we opened a checking account at a bank local to her. She paid into that account every month until the debt was paid.
Friendship remains.

Posted by White Raj
Member since Oct 2021
369 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:43 am to
My household makes twice that and I don't see how they can afford that stuff. I drive a 10 year old accord, wife in an old Acura, no boat, no side by side. I spend a lot on the kids extra curriculars. I feel like money is tight with this. I don't see how people make it these days. We need to start drilling oil ASAP!

Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
74787 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:45 am to
quote:

I feel like money is tight with this.


cut back on the tik-tok, OF accounts and you'll see a big difference baw
Posted by H2O Tiger
Delta Sky Club
Member since May 2021
6644 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:46 am to
We're 4x that and don't have any kids. I've got a truck, car and boat but that's it. Can't imagine them paying for all this stuff but the loan terms have gotten outrageous. I bought a used boat and the bank told me I could finance it for 20 years if I wanted to
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
111718 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:53 am to
quote:

We just started paying teenager car insurance last month. Good times

I have twin boys. They're only 11 now, if they want a car when they're old enough to drive, they will have to get a job to pay for the car and the insurance.
Posted by LSUDAN1
Member since Oct 2010
9306 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:56 am to
Should have loaned money as long as you got to bang his wife.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
50203 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:57 am to
quote:

I have twin boys. They're only 11 now, if they want a car when they're old enough to drive, they will have to get a job to pay for the car and the insurance.

My youngest daughter is doing dual enrollment in HS where she also completes an associates degree. She really doesn't have time to work during the school year. I'm fine with that. That'll save me a hell of a lot more than paying for her insurance.

She's got a summer job lined up for a few months.
Posted by tgrmeat
Member since Sep 2020
4515 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:59 am to
I have no idea how he has done all of this

quote:

He drives a new f150. She drives a 2 year old Yukon XL. Big into their kids sports and spend a ton of money doing that half their weekends. Kids in private school. 2 or 3 vacations a year. Has 2 boats and a side by side. Eat out all the time.


on this

quote:

80-90k


For even a short period of time.
Posted by ghost2most
Member since Mar 2012
7020 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:00 pm to
I've loaned money to a friend before too. Bad idea. Dude makes plenty offshore but blows it the minute he comes back and then when he doesn't get a hitch he's broke.

somehow always has the money to be at the bars though. We're not close anymore...
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
111718 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:00 pm to
quote:

My household makes twice that and I don't see how they can afford that stuff
They're obviously living beyond their means, but I never took that portion of the OP to say they're making exactly that much, $80-90k.

It's more of a reference to a specific type of person who lives way beyond their means, not necessarily that that was their exact salary, at least that's how I took it.
Posted by OU812ME2
Earth
Member since Jun 2021
943 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:01 pm to
Sounds like a good hardass way of doing it. But by the time they're 15, I guarantee you that you'll end up buying them a car and insurance and probably having to force them to get their license. Toting teenage kids around gets old quick.
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