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re: Encouraging grandparents to move closer to grandkids or simplify. Anyone ever done this?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:17 am to concrete_tiger
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:17 am to concrete_tiger
Wife and I have never considered living near any of the 3 children and grandchildren as they are making their own ways in the world - as we were treated.
We have taken steps to move to a local Retirement Center when that day comes, while our health is still reasonable. I don't believe if one of us had to live with any of the 3 would be a problem - assuming one of us is deceased. Now, they may cast lots if I happen to be the last one standing
The eldest is 2 hours away, middle child 5 hours away, the youngest a tad bit over 3 hours away
We have taken steps to move to a local Retirement Center when that day comes, while our health is still reasonable. I don't believe if one of us had to live with any of the 3 would be a problem - assuming one of us is deceased. Now, they may cast lots if I happen to be the last one standing
The eldest is 2 hours away, middle child 5 hours away, the youngest a tad bit over 3 hours away
This post was edited on 3/27/23 at 11:24 am
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:21 am to concrete_tiger
Yes we have done so it took a while...and are still working on another.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:54 am to concrete_tiger
I successfully moved my parents within the same zipcode (they were several hours away) when my wife was pregnant with our first kid.
Same situation. Borderline hoarder. I couldn't keep up with their house issues already. Both were retired.
It's still a big PITA, but they were able to help watch their grandkids vs daycare. They were closer to medical. My dad had a stroke, was institutionalized half paralyzed and eventually died a few years later. Because of their proximity, I was able to visit him several times a week. That was pretty much all he had to look forward to. It was a bitch to deal with, but it would have been infinitely worse if they were hours away.
It gave us a great deal to think about. We do not want to be in this state, but my mom is alive and really the main anchor here aside from my job. She's also on a teacher retirement, and I think moving her would be a nightmare and not sure how her health insurance would function. (parish retirement with BCBS of LA for many years)
Same situation. Borderline hoarder. I couldn't keep up with their house issues already. Both were retired.
It's still a big PITA, but they were able to help watch their grandkids vs daycare. They were closer to medical. My dad had a stroke, was institutionalized half paralyzed and eventually died a few years later. Because of their proximity, I was able to visit him several times a week. That was pretty much all he had to look forward to. It was a bitch to deal with, but it would have been infinitely worse if they were hours away.
It gave us a great deal to think about. We do not want to be in this state, but my mom is alive and really the main anchor here aside from my job. She's also on a teacher retirement, and I think moving her would be a nightmare and not sure how her health insurance would function. (parish retirement with BCBS of LA for many years)
Posted on 3/27/23 at 12:00 pm to concrete_tiger
quote:
We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough.
Use this and ask - why don’t you move closer? You could see the grandkids more and we wouldn’t have to interrupt the kids’ lives
If the answer is still no, the next time they give you grief about not seeing the grandkids enough, bring it up again
Posted on 3/27/23 at 12:08 pm to concrete_tiger
It took my mother in law injuring herself before she listened and moved close. She fell and broke her kneecap and was trying to walk on it instead of going to the hospital. We moved her in while she recouped and then sold her on the idea of staying close to us.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 1:05 pm to concrete_tiger
quote:
Encouraging grandparents to move closer
quote:
We (mostly me) worry a LOT about having to deal with their house when the time comes. I'd rather get ahead of it.
quote:
They own a condo at the beach they could even just move into.
Sounds like this is not much about moving them closer, but rather you wanting to be done with their house on your timeline
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:13 pm to concrete_tiger
Having seen it first-hand in my family, there's no substitute for being in close proximity to your aging parents. It's a shite part of life. We've done the family unit a disservice by scattering everyone. My brother lives across the country and is totally oblivious to what efforts it has taken to care for my aging parent(s).
If we're still in Louisiana (god I hope not) by the time my kids finish high-school, my wife and I plan to move close to wherever they end up. We're encouraging them to vacate this state. I'm a big believer in them being somewhat free-range even in elementary, so I have no desire to meddle in their lives. I just want us to be close for whenever they need us.
If we're still in Louisiana (god I hope not) by the time my kids finish high-school, my wife and I plan to move close to wherever they end up. We're encouraging them to vacate this state. I'm a big believer in them being somewhat free-range even in elementary, so I have no desire to meddle in their lives. I just want us to be close for whenever they need us.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:23 pm to concrete_tiger
Unfortunately, we did not have to relocate as my kids and grandkids are all in Baton Rouge. I've told my son though that I'd happily move wherever should he want to relocate somewhere with more opportunity.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:33 pm to concrete_tiger
quote:
community, either here or in Florida, but it actually makes them a little mad. They are more concerned about having to get rid of stuff than anything else, it seems like
It sounds stupid because it’s just stuff to you, but you’d be surprised the memories people attach to the most trivial stuff. If you just approach it from the standpoint of you need to get rid of this crap, you’ll always encounter resistance. Find a new approach that lets them let go of things while simultaneously creating new memories. In my case, my dad has/had a lot of old mechanical things because he spent years as a mechanic. It’s taken some time but his new passion is gardening. He realizes that if he wants more room to garden he has to get rid of stuff to expand, which he’s done.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 5:43 pm to concrete_tiger
I'm dealing with it now. When they offer to give us things, we take whatever it is. Mostly we discard what they give us. That's the only way to get them to give up this crap they deam valuable. When I visit, I make sure their trash can is full everytime it goes to the curb. Not hoarders, but have a ton of crap. They resist going to a retirement community because there are rules there and they won't get rid of the junk. Lol. They have health issues that are beyond our capabilities. We are now in agreement that whatever happens, happens. Insanity
Posted on 3/27/23 at 6:02 pm to concrete_tiger
just the opposite - wife's family is from PacNW, mine from Deep South... so we moved to Colorado... close enough to visit but not so close they're underfoot every time you turn around.
This post was edited on 3/27/23 at 6:08 pm
Posted on 3/27/23 at 7:00 pm to concrete_tiger
quote:
I just don't see how they can stay in the house they are in, it is massive and pointless.
Anyone ever dealt with this with success?
No, but I’m about to go through it. My wife and I are 60, and we are almost finished building a house that is massive and pointless. I’ll send this thread to my kids to start them thinking on it.
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconcheers.gif)
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:13 pm to concrete_tiger
My father in law has 8 storage until across 3 cities. They store everything from random clothes and furniture to a 3 ct diamond lost in one once and a complete original metal train set from the 40s that actually blows steam.
I dread the time when it needs to be sorted through.
I dread the time when it needs to be sorted through.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:24 pm to concrete_tiger
Working on this now because my father lives alone and of my siblings I have the youngest kids who would benefit the most from his presence.
Posted on 3/28/23 at 7:54 am to concrete_tiger
No, but I’m dreading it.
ETA: we don’t even have kids yet and my mom recently started asking me about jobs back home, nevermind that I’m in a much better professional situation here.
ETA: we don’t even have kids yet and my mom recently started asking me about jobs back home, nevermind that I’m in a much better professional situation here.
This post was edited on 3/28/23 at 8:00 am
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