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Posted on 12/23/22 at 11:04 pm to Mud_Bone
First c-mas w/o my mom. 
Posted on 12/23/22 at 11:04 pm to Deep Purple Haze
Posted on 12/23/22 at 11:51 pm to Mud_Bone
I still have mine. Both are 79. They live with me and I take care of them. I dread the thought of losing them but will have to face that someday. I pray that our Lord will bring peace and joy to those who have lost loved ones this year.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 12:06 am to soccerfüt
quote:
I’m mostly now sad that they were not around to see their grandchildren grow up and do well and interact with them.
Yeah, lost my dad in 2020 and this part sucks.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 1:15 am to biglego
I lost both my parents, dad in 1995 and mom a few years ago. My wife's father is currently in hospital diagnosed with prostate cancer that has spread to the bones. He will be discharged after Christmas and it is only a matter of time. Her mother is with him but she will not be able to live by herself. Our Christmas plans with our children and grandchildren has been canceled until we can get everyone together again. This is going to be a challenging Christmas for all of us. We have always celebrated when we can without interfering with our children's spouse's families. We hated the drama we were put though with our parents. We always let the others make their plans and then we make ours. So we already know how to adjust.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 2:26 am to Wiseguy
quote:
My mom is now living with us since dad died. She has undiagnosed dementia of some sort (we have a neuro appointment scheduled to give us an idea of what we are dealing with). She has not yet stopped recognizing familiar people, but she has almost no ability to retain new memories past about 10 minutes, sometimes much shorter
The only advice I can give is try to be patient, not only for her quality of life but yours as well. I'll just share a little bit and hopefully it helps someone in some way.
My MIL is struggling with dementia pretty badly, and my wife and I don't always do a great job in the patience department. We try, but it's hard. She is usually aware that her brain doesn't work right, but she is not able to use that knowledge and awareness all the time.
For example, one day she will beg us to put her in a community or facility (she currently lives alone with her dog a block from us) because she knows she struggles to manage day to day life, then the next day she has twisted that conversation and very angrily says how dare we threaten to lock her up in a home. This same exact thing has happened numerous times and we still don't know how to react or handle it.
She is quite far beyond being able to drive. She bounces around between wanting to get rid of her car because it reminds her that she can't drive it, to angrily demanding that we give her the keys back and how dare we lie to her and say that her doctor said she can't drive.
We are still trying to find a good solution for her phone. She answers every spam call and replies to every spam text and email. We can't take it away because she would cry uncontrollably all day long, and we can't give her one of those locked down phones because she absolutely needs to be able to take photos to identify plants and also she knows that those phones are for people who are not very capable and that embarrasses her and she would cry uncontrollably all day long.
She loses one of her phone, keys, purse, or jewelry every day on a rotating basis. We have trackers on her keys and in her purse, and of course the phone can be located, but still it can be amazingly hard to find things because often the keys will be out in the yard somewhere out of Bluetooth range so it's still a hunt. Also I am pretty sure that she spends about half her waking hours just walking around the house looking for something, and then she will find it and move it and then immediately forget where she put it. Rinse repeat.
Sorry for babbling, I guess it helps me to get some of this stuff out. Maybe it will help me to be more patient, and I know the OT is the best therapy.
I know how hard it is to spend the holidays without people, but I think it's harder when the person is still with us but not really with us.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 5:40 am to Mud_Bone
First year without both of mine.
Dad passed last June and Mom this June.
Dad passed last June and Mom this June.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 7:33 am to Korkstand
quote:
know how hard it is to spend the holidays without people, but I think it's harder when the person is still with us but not really with us.
I can understand that. My father’s mental illness took away my “real father” a few years before he physically died. It’s still a loss you have to mourn, but not a physical one yet so it makes it even more difficult and stressful. You are so busy just focusing on keeping them ok you don’t have the time to properly process everything yourself.
The last few holidays while he was still alive were incredibly stressful to all of us (including him). You long to have the holidays you had with that person you love so much when they were still themselves but you know it’s not possible ever again and it’s all the more heartbreaking.
When my father did pass away, I had mourned the man he really was years ago. He was so mentally tortured and miserable the year of so up to his death (every day was filled with non stop worry). When he died my family and I had to mourn him again…but also wrestle with feelings of relief (which is totally normal in these situations but will make you feel like the worst person ever).
I started seeing a therapist while my father was still alive to help me cause I felt like I was drowning. It really helped me to better care for him but also develop healthy boundaries for myself. I highly recommend a therapist that you can talk to about all this. Friends and loved ones are great but they may not truly understand the situation.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 7:37 am to Mud_Bone
I’m so sorry. I can’t relate to Christmas without parents, but it’s my first Christmas without a baby that should be here. This sh*t sucks. Right here trying to navigate the grief with you.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 7:53 am to Mud_Bone
quote:
I know a lot of you have lost your parents over the years and some have lost them THIS YEAR.
We are going through this now, my mom passed in June 2022.
We used to all gather at her house which we did for Thanksgiving, but everyone decided to stay home with their own family for Christmas.
It happens to all families at some point I guess
Posted on 12/24/22 at 8:08 am to The Torch
quote:
used to all gather at her house which we did for Thanksgiving, but everyone decided to stay home with their own family for Christmas.
Once my grandmother passed away that side of the family never gathered like they used to when she was alive. She was the glue that kept us together. Last time I saw most of my cousins on that side was actually at her funeral in 2012.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 8:15 am to Mud_Bone
I lost my mother two days before Christmas my freshman year of college. While this time of year reminds me of some sadness, the overwhelming feeling is joy realizing I'm the father I am because of the love she surrounded my sisters and I with.
I have a 2yo daughter and 2mo son now, and I wish I could see her at Christmas time with them, but I was blessed with 19 years of love - some people don't even get that. Merry Christmas to y'all!
I have a 2yo daughter and 2mo son now, and I wish I could see her at Christmas time with them, but I was blessed with 19 years of love - some people don't even get that. Merry Christmas to y'all!
Posted on 12/24/22 at 11:11 am to Korkstand
quote:
Sorry for babbling, I guess it helps me to get some of this stuff out. Maybe it will help me to be more patient, and I know the OT is the best therapy. I know how hard it is to spend the holidays without people, but I think it's harder when the person is still with us but not really with us.
Yes to all of the above. This place is a cesspool of degenerates. And at the same time the best, most supportive place on the internet. I love you bastards and bitches.
But seriously- I am having a harder time with mom, who is here physically but not mentally than I am with dad’s absemce. Hang in there everyone, I know it gets better.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 11:21 am to Mud_Bone
Lost my dad 5 years ago and my mom is getting up there. I think about it every day. Getting old sucks.
Posted on 12/24/22 at 11:39 am to Mud_Bone
Lost my dear sweet mother to colon cancer back in December 2006.
They said if they would have caught it earlier, they could have removed it before it spread to her liver.
Get a colonoscopy. I had one shortly after her passing and they found two polyps, snipped them out and ran a biopsy on them, which came back negative.
FTR, cancer sucks.
Time will heal the hurt, just remember all the good times and all that your parents sacrificed for you.
In the words of Sullivan Ballou:
They said if they would have caught it earlier, they could have removed it before it spread to her liver.
Get a colonoscopy. I had one shortly after her passing and they found two polyps, snipped them out and ran a biopsy on them, which came back negative.
FTR, cancer sucks.
Time will heal the hurt, just remember all the good times and all that your parents sacrificed for you.
In the words of Sullivan Ballou:
quote:
"and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by."
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