How do people cope with separation or divorce?

I have not but I would try to find a new hobby, start working out, reading, anything that will keep your mind occupied
Best of luck to you

Friend,

My parents’ divorce was one of the hardest things I ever went through. The knowledge of God’s love and goodness, friends, and staying active in a community got me through it. The pain is acute now, and it may never fully leave you, but you are loved and have infinite value.

Yours,
TulaneLSU

Pills

quote:

---

My brother recommended listening to Jordan Peterson

---

Nothing against Jordan Peterson, but listening to him while going through a divorce, and understandably having a tough time with it wouldn’t be my first choice.

I’ll answer from my perspective. Happened to me 11 years ago.

quote:

---

How do people keep their minds from going to crazy dark places and handle their shite?

---

Fact is, you can’t. The human mind is the most amazing and most dangerous thing on the planet at the same time. The best way forward is for you to get to the mindset that these thoughts and feelings are normal for what you’re going through. Once you accept the normalcy of it, it happens less and less. And it won’t happen until you’re ready. People, like me, will tell you what to do and how to cope, but the fact is, you’re the only one who decides when and how you’re going to start to step forward again.

quote:

---

This is unbelievably hard. I just want to reset my brain or something.

---

It is hard. Behind the death of a spouse or child, it’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. But you don’t want to reset your brain. You need these experiences. They are part of what it means to be human. It’s how we learn and grow to be better people in the future.

Lastly, yes, Jordan Peterson is a great resource. But don’t just watch his videos. Buy the 12 rules for life and 12 more rules for life books and begin the process of making yourself a better person. Then get other books to help you along the path. I’d also recommend the Bible if you’re of that nature. It sure got me through some rough days.

Whether the split was your doing or not, focus on the only thing in this world you can control. Yourself.

quote:

---

How do people cope with separation or divorce?

---

Honestly depends on how big of a bitch she was.

Meditation can be really helpful in learning to sit with negative emotion

Get back to the basics.
Who are you?
What do you believe in?
What person do you want to be going forward?
Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years?
Do it.

quote:

---

Get back to the basics.
Who are you?
What do you believe in?
What person do you want to be going forward?
Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years?
Do it.

---

This is the best and most pragmatic advice you'll get here. Redefining those basics is what will set your direction for the short and long term. It sounds simple but it isn't so that will keep your mind busy. Do things you haven't been able to do in years or thought you didn't want to do anymore and that will keep your body busy. Interact with all kinds of different people. Reconnect with old friends. Pick one day a week to do, read, taste SOMETHING you haven't before. The quest to find these things could very well uncover a new hobby or interest.

quote:

---

Are you struggling because you didn’t want the divorce? Or because the divorce is difficult?

---

We have had big issues for years and she decided to end it. There is no cheating or abuse. Over the years we just became toxic to each other. Couldn’t get along. I am to blame for a lot of it. She suggested marriage counseling a couple of times and my stupid stubborn arse said no, and we could handle it ourselves. Obviously now it’s a huge regret. She isn’t being a bitch to me or anything but I hate it cause I just want to hate her but I can’t you know. We have 3 daughters and that’s the worst part for me know is knowing we have to tell them eventually. We agreed to wait til we are officially separated.