Something kinda wild just happened to me while voting in Houston (Harris County)

This is a definite Dear Diary post, but it’s too messed up not to share.

I was voting at one of the city’s multiple outdoor, drive-thru locations. This particular locale happened to be a church. Literally as I pull up in my vehicle to one of several tents, the sky turns black, and the wind whips up like mad (think opening scenes of The Wizard of Oz).

The voting attendant, while viewing my identification and preparing the COVID-proof, handheld voting device, is blown over onto the parking lot asphalt. She starts bleeding from both knees while trying to squeeze hand sanitizer into my palm.

Volunteers’ clipboards/papers/rolls of stickers/voting accoutrement are flying all over the parking lot. Multiple attendants are being blown to the ground, tarps are sailing through the air, and the head poll worker guy starts yelling, “SHUT ‘EM OFF! SHUT ‘EM OFF!”

Huh?

Naturally(?) the woman operating my lane starts screaming (again, literally) at me, “Just vote for President and hit ‘Submit Ballot!’”

So I quickly vote for President, Senator, and my Congressman, then (with the woman still shrieking in my ear) madly start clicking “Page Forward”—skipping 7 pages of local elections—to get to the last page, where I can confirm my THREE selections. The volunteer is leaning over me, yelling “HIT SUBMIT BALLOT!”

I submit my ballot.

Meanwhile, the most intense wind I’ve ever experienced, apart from a hurricane, is blowing the entire enterprise across the parking lot. If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’.

As I’m signaling to drive away—looking both directions for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to gallop into the church parking lot—the poll worker says to me, “I sure hope your ballot was submitted.”

”Um, WHAT?” I ask.

“The Internet is now down,” she says, “and none of our equipment is working.”

And that, friends, was my freak voting experience of 2020.
Very appropriate.