re: poliboard existentialism

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Right. It's just one more thing for me to do. I don't need more things to do.

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Again, not what you said. You are running from your previous statements.

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I need a wife.

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You need a good husband in a major, major way. Unfortunately, he probably isn't honest enough with you and instead appeases you in the same way you appease those you are "helping".

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My car has minor cosmetic damage. Getting it fixed isn't a priority. Anyone who has ever gotten a rental from a car insurance claim knows that it's unlikely you will get one comparable to your vehicle. My vehicle is big and is the one we use to transport the family. We need to to able to fit multiple car seats in the rental. It's just not something I feel like dealing with it right now.

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Originally, you used your situation as example to explain why someone like the kid in the OP might fail at doing something very easy even though not doing it could have major detrimental consequences.

So, which is it? Are you not getting your vehicle fixed because it's mentally exhausting? Are you still frozen by your inability to muster the mental fortitude to address such a challenge?

Or, are you just making a practical decision about your vehicle because it's just not a priority?

You lie a lot to try and make your points. You hide a lot too. You still haven't discussed the person's original felony in detail.

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Noted. How specifically am I harming anyone?

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Your kids aren't getting the direction from their mother they need. And, those you are trying to help aren't getting good guidance either. Your husband deserves what he's getting from you because he's responsible for helping you be the person you need to be. He's a victim of himself. But, obviously he's tortured as well.

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Getting a car fixed entails more than filing a claim, as you know. I explicitly stated all the parts that I just don't feel like dealing with.

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The reality is you are both fat and lazy. Those things go hand-in-hand. A fat, lazy, liberal woman. The harbinger of death for Western civilization.

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You mentioned the plural, "charges". Was this from multiple events or multiple charges in the same event?

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Just one event. From what I've noticed, individuals are charged with the maximum amount of offenses (for example, someone driving recklessly could also be charged with not wearing a seatbelt, illegal tint, expired brake tag, etc. etc.)

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Because details matter. Was his infraction a one-time thing or is it a growing pattern of behavior? Has he had a family that ignores his behavior or has tried (and failed) to counsel him on it? What are his friends like? Does he tend to stick with destructive behavior patterns even after recognizing them? If he tries and fails to correct them, where's the breakdown point? If he doesn't try, why not? Does he even recognize them as destructive?

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Having a record is normalized in his community. I have encouraged him to get a license. I don't know why he won't. I don't spend a whole lot of time lecturing him about it because I want him to keep coming in. I know that if I lectured him every time I saw him, he likely wouldn't want to keep coming in. He works full time, often gets overtime.

He's a young black guy born into poverty. He watched his best friend get killed in front of him when he was in high school. It was a case of mistaken identity, but his friend his dead and he's always afraid that he'll be targeted because he witnessed it. That's why he won't ride the bus.

I don't know much about his friends. I know a little about his mom. I know a little about his girlfriend. A lot about his daughter. A lot about his daughter's mother.

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If someone doesn't care that their behavior is destructive, you can pour all the love and hope in the world into them and it's going to do neither jack nor shite. They have to see it and want to change and they have to want to do it for themselves. If someone doing something nice for them, their momma crying over their decision(s), etc. doesn't have enough impact to change how they view their behavior (and it often doesn't), then they aren't likely to change and those caring for them either have to divorce themselves of the situation or they get dragged on the emotional rollercoaster.

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I hear you. None of this kid's charges are violent. So while he makes poor choices, his behavior is primarily destructive to himself.

From what I've seen, some people can't even fathom what real success could look like for them. If all someone knows is people working fast food jobs and getting by like that, once that person secures a fast food job that enables them to support themself, they think they've made it. It doesn't occur to them that they could achieve more. The suggestion is received the same as I would receive the suggestion that I could become an Academy Award winning actress. Yeah, it's possible but... not really. Not for me.

It's why cycles exist. People emulate what is familiar to them.

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From what I've seen, some people can't even fathom what real success could look like for them.

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I believe this.

I also believe it is one of those systemic issues... but of the community's own making. The options they think they have is sports, rap, or gangs.

How do you take on that systemic issue?

There are examples galore of other humans, even melanated ones, succeeding in life- how do you make them SEE? Or desire it?

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The reality is you are both fat and lazy. Those things go hand-in-hand. A fat, lazy, liberal woman. The harbinger of death for Western civilization.

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Women in the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries:
"You go and defend this country.. I'll take care of things here"

Women now:
"I'm going to drive a mangled vehicle because I don't want to file an insurance claim"

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It's the end of March and I'm still driving around with a damaged vehicle because just the thought of dealing with insurance companies and body shops and getting a rental exhausts me. I've done all of those things before. I know I am capable of doing it again but I just can't muster the mental fortitude required to deal with it right now.

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how you people get through life if fricking amazing.

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I'm going to drive a mangled vehicle because I don't want to file an insurance claim"

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More like “I’ll drive around with dents in my bumper so we won’t have to take two vehicles to church and family outings.”

Why do you desire the attention and approval of men whom you despise and whom you view as despising you?

For the record, I don’t hate you. I feel bad for you. You seem to allow your empathy to blind you to being taken advantage of, then hide behind a victim mentality to absolve yourself from any accountability in your own life. You see nothing but victims everywhere to avoid seeing how many of your own struggles are of your own making. If others’ wounds aren’t self-inflicted, then neither are yours. If you can help someone else heal, then you won’t have to bother with fixing yourself.

Some people are victims. Some people hide behind the label of victimhood to absolve themselves of guilt and weaponize the empathy of others to take advantage of them.

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I run a program that helps felons on probation/parole get their GEDs. Today I found out one of my most consistent and promising students was arrested over the weekend. It’s just devastating.

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So let me get this straight. The felon got arrested while supposedly trying to get his/her/its life back on track? Sorry babe, but that sounds like a natural born scumbag who was simply using your program, and you fell for it. I will give you props for not using the phrase “emotional labor”, though.

Thick thighs, thick calves, wide hips, and a paunch. Need to hit the gym more.