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re: I have never felt more powerless in all of my life
Posted on 5/23/14 at 10:50 pm to WildTchoupitoulas
Posted on 5/23/14 at 10:50 pm to WildTchoupitoulas
quote:
But as our parents die, we are left as the elders to the next generations. There's a loneliness that comes with that position. There are no more elders for us to turn to, we are the elders the young turn to. And just as our parents went through this at one point in their lives, we too will be going through what our mothers are going through right now.
Words of wisdom. I am 62. All of my parent's generation (in my family) are gone with the exception of an aunt with Alzheimer's (technically gone too). Hopefully, what they taught us has prepared us for the passing of the torch.
0
Posted on 5/23/14 at 10:59 pm to asurob1
ROB, first I want to say how sorry I am to hear about your mom's illness. I didn't respond when you first posted because I just didn't know what to say. I just lost my grandmother. My aunt and cousin are both battling cancer now. It is soul sucking and I'm sorry you are living with this along with your mom. But better you with her than her alone.
Along with that, it is a frightening day, indeed, when you become "the one." I'm also the oldest and that day came to me the day the levees broke. It was my youngest sister's 13th birthday. Two of my siblings were attending LSU and I'd been married for just a year. My stepfather was on the roof of his house for the first 6 days, but I didn't know that for a couple weeks.
I could handle the planning and organizing, the figuring things out because at least then I was DOING something. It was easy to send cash, call for favors, buy plane tickets, beg friends for a sofa my sibling could sleep on... What was difficult was when my mom asked me what to do.
How do I enroll a 13 year old in school? Should she look for a job here? What should she do with her house in NOLA? How to complete FEMA paperwork? How do I find her husband? How do I teach her to interview when she had the same job for 25 years? She can stay with us but is that good for her? Should she 've in bed crying every day or should I force her up and make her work? What should I do with her savings, shares in the company, health insurance, her whole life? Is it a good idea for her to buy that house? Why had she never explained to the baby sister about sex? Why did I have to have THAT conversation, too? I could go on forever but you get the point.
The day when I realized that everyone now looked to ME and my husband... it was terrifying. What the hell did I know? The day before the levees broke, I thought I knew everything. I couldn't be responsible for all these decisions. So every day I made a decision. I did something. I moved forward. I made a call. I took one step. We made it through. But I'm still "the one."
I'm rambling about this because I know it sucks & it's so freaking scary. I'm also telling you that it helps to do just one thing a day. Make one decision. Post another rant. Ask one more question. One foot in front of the other.
But while you're doing that, don't forget to stop and hold her hand and just be her son. I forgot how to be a daughter and that's what my mom needed more than anything else. Just tell her you love her, hold her hand and be her son. That's all I would want from mine.
You may not Believe, but I do so I will pray for your mom and for you.
Along with that, it is a frightening day, indeed, when you become "the one." I'm also the oldest and that day came to me the day the levees broke. It was my youngest sister's 13th birthday. Two of my siblings were attending LSU and I'd been married for just a year. My stepfather was on the roof of his house for the first 6 days, but I didn't know that for a couple weeks.
I could handle the planning and organizing, the figuring things out because at least then I was DOING something. It was easy to send cash, call for favors, buy plane tickets, beg friends for a sofa my sibling could sleep on... What was difficult was when my mom asked me what to do.
How do I enroll a 13 year old in school? Should she look for a job here? What should she do with her house in NOLA? How to complete FEMA paperwork? How do I find her husband? How do I teach her to interview when she had the same job for 25 years? She can stay with us but is that good for her? Should she 've in bed crying every day or should I force her up and make her work? What should I do with her savings, shares in the company, health insurance, her whole life? Is it a good idea for her to buy that house? Why had she never explained to the baby sister about sex? Why did I have to have THAT conversation, too? I could go on forever but you get the point.
The day when I realized that everyone now looked to ME and my husband... it was terrifying. What the hell did I know? The day before the levees broke, I thought I knew everything. I couldn't be responsible for all these decisions. So every day I made a decision. I did something. I moved forward. I made a call. I took one step. We made it through. But I'm still "the one."
I'm rambling about this because I know it sucks & it's so freaking scary. I'm also telling you that it helps to do just one thing a day. Make one decision. Post another rant. Ask one more question. One foot in front of the other.
But while you're doing that, don't forget to stop and hold her hand and just be her son. I forgot how to be a daughter and that's what my mom needed more than anything else. Just tell her you love her, hold her hand and be her son. That's all I would want from mine.
You may not Believe, but I do so I will pray for your mom and for you.
This post was edited on 5/23/14 at 11:02 pm
Posted on 5/23/14 at 11:15 pm to asurob1
quote:
The 2800 is after all the insurance. The actual drug its self is about 8K a month.
Not to be a dick, but in Europe this wouldn't be an option. Before we shite on our current system, be aware that they don't pay anything for this type of care. Especially in older folks.
Posted on 5/24/14 at 8:36 am to asurob1
quote:
I am the Rob backup now that even my mom is turning to, that my kids will look up towards...I feel inadequate to the task.
That doesn't matter, it's being forced upon you. You will deal with it in your way, you have no choice. And just as your way has brought you to where you are today, it will bring you forward into the future.
I mean, you've made it this far, why assume you won't carry on? You, quite simply, must.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 1:03 pm to WildTchoupitoulas
Just an update.
We were able to get my mother approved for a low income discount (zero cost to us) for the drugs she needs.
It will not eradicate her cancer but it will extend her life a bit.
We followed most of the threads from here and one of them bore fruit.
I cannot thank you guys enough!
We were able to get my mother approved for a low income discount (zero cost to us) for the drugs she needs.
It will not eradicate her cancer but it will extend her life a bit.
We followed most of the threads from here and one of them bore fruit.
I cannot thank you guys enough!
Posted on 6/2/14 at 1:04 pm to asurob1
Good luck Rob
Posted on 6/2/14 at 1:24 pm to Radiojones
quote:
Side note: I just spent the last two months recovering from abdominal surgery with all kinds of complications. The total bill is around $300k. My portion owed….$0.00
And you think that's morally right?
Posted on 6/2/14 at 1:24 pm to asurob1
Make her comfortable, man. Spend as much time with her as you can, and always let her know how much you love her. Have no regrets.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 1:28 pm to asurob1
quote:Wonderful!
Just an update.
We were able to get my mother approved for a low income discount (zero cost to us) for the drugs she needs.
It will not eradicate her cancer but it will extend her life a bit.
We followed most of the threads from here and one of them bore fruit.
So glad you were able to get some help.
Good Luck!
Posted on 6/2/14 at 2:38 pm to dnm3305
quote:
And you think that's morally right?
In every way.
however, I will not discuss this with you in this thread.
You want to talk shite.
Make a thread and I will happily discuss it with you there.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 2:46 pm to asurob1
I am glad someone was able to offer you and your family info that helped, Rob.
Hang in there and enjoy every moment.
Hang in there and enjoy every moment.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 2:51 pm to asurob1
quote:
asurob1
Thats great news, Rob.
Treasure the time you get. My grandpa passed away two years ago Memorial Day. My dad was able to go see him several times right before he died. I know he treasures the conversations they had during those times, and those moments are what you remember.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 2:58 pm to asurob1
I dont have time to read 8 pages but look at what drugs they want to put her on and look at the website of each company and apply for assistance. Also lookup the following organizations:
Chronic Disease Fund
Patient Access Network Foundation
National Organization for Rare Disorders
All 3 foundations recieve donations from companies to assist with out of pocket costs for therapy, especially important if your mom has any type of governement plan like Medicare or Medicare Advantage.
I am knowledgible in this area deal with it often so look into these suggestions.
Chronic Disease Fund
Patient Access Network Foundation
National Organization for Rare Disorders
All 3 foundations recieve donations from companies to assist with out of pocket costs for therapy, especially important if your mom has any type of governement plan like Medicare or Medicare Advantage.
I am knowledgible in this area deal with it often so look into these suggestions.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 3:02 pm to asurob1
GOOD LUCK
Posted on 6/2/14 at 3:06 pm to asurob1
Best of luck to you and your family. Enjoy all the time you can with your mom.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 3:10 pm to asurob1
Great to hear, Rob. We're thinking of you and your mom.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 3:20 pm to asurob1
Good to hear!
Posted on 6/2/14 at 3:30 pm to asurob1
quote:Never underestimate the power of TD!
We followed most of the threads from here and one of them bore fruit.
Glad you have good news! We wish the best for her, and you.
Posted on 6/2/14 at 3:55 pm to asurob1
quote:
Just an update.
Good to hear.
quote:
dnm3305
arse
This post was edited on 6/2/14 at 3:56 pm
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