re: Another article about “the Boy Crisis” that gives a different perspective

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I believe it is certainly a component

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Why do women have higher rates of mental illness and suicide attempts then?

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Why the higher rate of mental illness?

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I have no idea and I don't care. It has nothing to do with this discussion.

Men have a higher % of deaths from suicide. That's a fact.

The world doesn't care about men like they do women. I have a problem with that. You don't. Have the day you deserve.

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I have no idea and I don't care. It has nothing to do with this discussion.

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Huh?

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Women have a higher attempt rate because they just do it for the attention. They don't actually intend to kill themselves.

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They don’t succeed because even when their trying to kill themselves they are driven by vanity so the idea of messing up their face with bullet to the head and making them ugly is worse than even death so they usually chose pills or slitting their wrists.

Women are at their very nature risk averse and non violent.

Yes, I have been married. Let me tell you how “weaponized incompetence” worked in our house.

I grew up in a household where I had to do most of my own chores. I was cutting grass as soon as I could walk, doing my own laundry, washing dishes, and cooking for myself by middle school. When I went to college, I lived with roommates then had a home on my own for two years before I got married. I had to both adapt to other people’s systems as well as develop my own.

My wife had literally never lived anywhere other than with her parents before we were married. Her parents did most everything for her, and she only helped out when she wanted to. She only had the system she was taught by her parents, one she was rarely fully responsible for.

When she moved in after the wedding, my systems were thrown out the window. She was so neurotic. She couldn’t stand how I would do the dishes, fold laundry, cook, organize my pantry/fridge, put away clothes, etc. I would ask her for specific instructions so that I could do things her way and understand why they were done. I tried to show her my way, thinking that if she understood why I did things a certain way (after many years of being responsible for myself) that we might find some compromises (I would do some things her way and some things my way depending on which made more sense). She refused. No matter how much I tried to do things her way, it was never done well enough.

She spent more time following behind me and “re-doing” chores I had already completed (re-organizing the dishwasher, re-folding laundry, completely reorganizing anything and everything in the house so that nothing was ever where I put it) than she did on chores themselves (this was all while I was in law school full time and working part time while she was either working part time or not at all). I finally just got tired of her complaining about how I did everything and stopped. I only touched my laundry (kept all my clothes separate), stopped cooking (other than making myself sandwiches to bring for lunch at school), bought paper plates and bowls for my food. It simply didn’t make any sense to do everything twice and get fussed at for trying, so after 18 months, I just quit. I pretended to be incompetent from then on because I was tired of being dragged for doing the work. I was dragged less for not doing the work than for doing it “wrong”. So yeah, I started feigning incompetence so she would leave me the f$&k alone, the chore would get completed, and she would have no one else to blame for it.

Obviously, we’re not together anymore, and all the chores still get done by me in my own goddamn house. However, to this day, I still fold my towels and sort my laundry the way she demanded.

I’m not even referring to marriage. I see this all the time at work. I also know this isn’t true for every single man but it’s true for enough of them to be significant. Men want women to do everything for them - make every phone call, schedule every appointment, etc. And I can never trust a man (and very few women tbh) to complete any action items after meetings.

I mean, if I can afford to pay a secretary or intern (male or female) to handle those tasks for me so I can focus on my actual responsibilities which produce far more value, why wouldn’t I? That seems more like you resenting a division of labor and responsibilities in your specific workplace issue than an issue of intrinsic values/flaws of the sexes.

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Have you heard of “weaponized incompetence” before?

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“I will not fold these clothes perfectly for no good reason!”

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Well making phone calls and scheduling appointments are what secretaries get paid to do.

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After we got married, my husband told me “you’re just better at doing secretary stuff.”

All those years, I just called it being a responsible adult.

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I mean, if I can afford to pay a secretary or intern (male or female) to handle those tasks for me so I can focus on my actual responsibilities which produce far more value, why wouldn’t I?

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I’m not talking about managers. I mean the general public. I have a client facing role.