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How to Survive the Soccer Board
Posted on 6/4/14 at 6:51 pm
Posted on 6/4/14 at 6:51 pm
THE FIRST COMMANDMENT OF THE SOCCER BOARD
No scores in thread titles. None. Whatsoever. It doesn't matter what time of day the match is being played. The founders and veterans have etched this in stone. Don't ever put a score in the thread title. At all. Ever. Period. End of discussion.
_________________________________________________
TERMS/LINGO/INSIDE JOKES
Soccer Terms
Pitch: The soccer field.
Kit: Uniform. Includes shirt, shorts, boots, socks, etc.
Stoppage Time / Injury Time: Since the upwards-counting clock constantly runs in soccer, time is not stopped for injuries or lengthy dead balls. At the end of the 45 minutes each half, the referee adds extra minutes to the clock to make up for lost time. This is not an exact time unlike other sports, and the end of the half is all up to the referee.
Offside: Not "offsides." No "s." A rather confusing rule for beginners. In the most basic terms, the receiver of a pass cannot be closer to the goal than the ball and the second-to-last defender (the goalkeeper usually is the last defender) when the ball is initially touched. The rule gets murky whenever you have to decide whether an offside player, even if the pass wasn't intended for him, is "actively involved" in the play.
Corner / Corner Kick: If the ball goes out of bounds past the goal line and the defending team was the last one to touch it, the offensive team gets to play it back into play by crossing the ball from the corner of the field. This is where you see headed goalscoring opportunities.
Cross: A lofted pass that usually goals toward the front of the goal for headers. Crosses are usually played from the wings.
Free Kick: Whenever a foul is committed outside the penalty box (more on that below), the team who was fouled restarts play by kicking the ball from the spot of the foul, without any defensive pressure on the kicker.
Penalty / Pen: Whenever a player is fouled inside the goalkeeper's 18-yard box or there is a handball call inside the 18-yard box, the offensive team is awarded a direct kick from 12 yards out, one-on-one with the goalkeeper.
Tifo: Large fan displays before games. Usually a large sign, several large signs, or widespread card displays.
American Terms
USMNT: The United States Men's National Team. The Yanks. Rapists of the Hex. You will be cheering for them in Brazil.
Klinsi / Jurgy: Jurgen Klinsmann. Former German star, current USMNT manager. Doing a lot to grow the game in the United States. I'm sure he has nicknames I'm forgetting.
Germaricans: Nickname given to the half-German/half-American players on the USMNT. These include Jermaine Jones, Timmy Chandler, Fabian Johnson and Julian Green. Born to German mothers and American military fathers. FIFA rules let these players with dual-citizenship through their parents pick who they want to play for, and these guys made the right choice. Klinsmann has recruited several of these guys.
Deuce: Clint Dempsey. Rapper. USMNT captain. American hero. Creator of Deuce Face. Played in the EPL, now tears it up for Seattle. Don't tread.
Josmer / Young Josmer: Jozy Altidore. USMNT forward. Coming off a dreadful year at Sunderland in the English Premier League. Seems to turn up the goalscoring when he's playing for the USMNT.
Baby Bradley / BB / Lex Luthor: Michael Bradley. Former European-trotting midfielder, now Toronto FC workhorse. The greatest player in North America. His dad was the coach.
Timmy / Timmay: Tim Howard. USMNT and Everton goalkeeper.
Aron Bacon: Aron Johannsson. Plays for AZ in Holland and is a newer USMNT forward. Born in Mobile, Alabama. Pissed off Iceland, suited up for America. He looks like Kevin Bacon. Plays for AZ in Holland.
Wondo: Chris Wondolowski (or Wondowlowski, if you prefer). San Jose Earthquakes striker who went on a ridiculous scoring streak for club and country over the last year. The poachiest poacher who ever poached.
San Zusi: Graham Zusi. USMNT and Sporting Kansas City midfielder. He scored a late header for the USMNT that basically sent Mexico to the World Cup. (Turn on the English subtitles on that YouTube link to see how the Mexican announcer trashes Mexico while praising the USMNT.)
BeckerDreads: Kyle Beckerman. Veteran USMNT and Real Salt Lake midfielder. Has dreadlocks. His stock has rose for the most part in the eyes of the SB under Klinsmann.
DMB / Run DMB: DeMarcus Beasley. Veteran USMNT midfielder who has found a new role as a defender under Klinsmann. He could absolutely fly in his prime, and he still has speed for a four-time World Cupper, the first in American history.
JAB: John Anthony Brooks. German-American defender who looks to be the future of the position at center back.
Fab: Fabian Johnson. German-American defender who can just flat-out play soccer. Pushing up, defending, passing...he's in inspired form right now.
Jermaine Jones: USMNT defensive midfielder with a tendency to roam and a greater tendency to cut you completely in half with a slide tackle. Plays for Besiktas in Turkey after a long tenure at Schalke 04 in Germany.
Alejandro Bedoya: Colombian-American winger and attacking midfielder for USMNT and French side Nantes. Had a great season abroad and a few good friendlies in the buildup to the World Cup.
Mix Diskerud: The second-most beautiful midfielder in the American pool. Half-Norwegian, so he's basically a Nordic god. Plays for Rosenborg in the country of his birth.
Julian Green: Just turned 19 years old. Forward/winger who was born in Tampa, Florida, but grew up in Germany. He plays for Bayern Munich's reserve team and has featured in a Champions League match for the German giants. There's a ton of hype surrounding this guy.
Matt Besler: Sporting Kansas City center back who could be a starter in Brazil. Former MLS Defender of the Year who has seen his stock explode during this cycle.
Omar Gonzalez: Los Angeles Galaxy center back who was going to be a starter in Brazil, but some poor performances and an injury have slowed him down. Perennial MLS All-Star.
DeAndre Yedlin: Young guy, plays for the Seattle Sounders. Homegrown talent from Washington who has a lot of potential, especially with his attacking skills as a right back.
Geoff Cameron: He's played center back and right back for club (Stoke City) and country (the USA, duh). Versatile defender who should have a starting spot in Brazil.
Brad Davis: Old guy. Left foot. Houston.
Brad Guzan: Bald backup goalkeeper who plays for Aston Villa. The future starter, most likely, for the USMNT.
Nick Rimando: Third goalkeeper on the team, plays for Real Salt Lake. Hopefully you'll never see him in Brazil.
Dos a Cero: "Two to zero." This is a common scoreline for USMNT wins over Mexico in recent years, ensuring America's spot on top of North American soccer.
GAM: Eddie Johnson. When asked which video games he played, he responded, "I don’t play video games. I’m a grown-arse man." Won't be at the World Cup.
StuHawk / StuBear: Stu Holden. USMNT and Bolton midfielder. The Soccer Board's favorite man crush. Has the worst injury luck of anyone on the planet. Won't be at the World Cup.
LandyCakes / LandyShades / Cakes / Lando: Landon Donovan. Greatest player in USMNT history. Hates Mexicans. He's somehow not at the World Cup.
No scores in thread titles. None. Whatsoever. It doesn't matter what time of day the match is being played. The founders and veterans have etched this in stone. Don't ever put a score in the thread title. At all. Ever. Period. End of discussion.
_________________________________________________
TERMS/LINGO/INSIDE JOKES
Soccer Terms
Pitch: The soccer field.
Kit: Uniform. Includes shirt, shorts, boots, socks, etc.
Stoppage Time / Injury Time: Since the upwards-counting clock constantly runs in soccer, time is not stopped for injuries or lengthy dead balls. At the end of the 45 minutes each half, the referee adds extra minutes to the clock to make up for lost time. This is not an exact time unlike other sports, and the end of the half is all up to the referee.
Offside: Not "offsides." No "s." A rather confusing rule for beginners. In the most basic terms, the receiver of a pass cannot be closer to the goal than the ball and the second-to-last defender (the goalkeeper usually is the last defender) when the ball is initially touched. The rule gets murky whenever you have to decide whether an offside player, even if the pass wasn't intended for him, is "actively involved" in the play.
Corner / Corner Kick: If the ball goes out of bounds past the goal line and the defending team was the last one to touch it, the offensive team gets to play it back into play by crossing the ball from the corner of the field. This is where you see headed goalscoring opportunities.
Cross: A lofted pass that usually goals toward the front of the goal for headers. Crosses are usually played from the wings.
Free Kick: Whenever a foul is committed outside the penalty box (more on that below), the team who was fouled restarts play by kicking the ball from the spot of the foul, without any defensive pressure on the kicker.
Penalty / Pen: Whenever a player is fouled inside the goalkeeper's 18-yard box or there is a handball call inside the 18-yard box, the offensive team is awarded a direct kick from 12 yards out, one-on-one with the goalkeeper.
Tifo: Large fan displays before games. Usually a large sign, several large signs, or widespread card displays.
American Terms
USMNT: The United States Men's National Team. The Yanks. Rapists of the Hex. You will be cheering for them in Brazil.
Klinsi / Jurgy: Jurgen Klinsmann. Former German star, current USMNT manager. Doing a lot to grow the game in the United States. I'm sure he has nicknames I'm forgetting.
Germaricans: Nickname given to the half-German/half-American players on the USMNT. These include Jermaine Jones, Timmy Chandler, Fabian Johnson and Julian Green. Born to German mothers and American military fathers. FIFA rules let these players with dual-citizenship through their parents pick who they want to play for, and these guys made the right choice. Klinsmann has recruited several of these guys.
Deuce: Clint Dempsey. Rapper. USMNT captain. American hero. Creator of Deuce Face. Played in the EPL, now tears it up for Seattle. Don't tread.
Josmer / Young Josmer: Jozy Altidore. USMNT forward. Coming off a dreadful year at Sunderland in the English Premier League. Seems to turn up the goalscoring when he's playing for the USMNT.
Baby Bradley / BB / Lex Luthor: Michael Bradley. Former European-trotting midfielder, now Toronto FC workhorse. The greatest player in North America. His dad was the coach.
Timmy / Timmay: Tim Howard. USMNT and Everton goalkeeper.
Aron Bacon: Aron Johannsson. Plays for AZ in Holland and is a newer USMNT forward. Born in Mobile, Alabama. Pissed off Iceland, suited up for America. He looks like Kevin Bacon. Plays for AZ in Holland.
Wondo: Chris Wondolowski (or Wondowlowski, if you prefer). San Jose Earthquakes striker who went on a ridiculous scoring streak for club and country over the last year. The poachiest poacher who ever poached.
San Zusi: Graham Zusi. USMNT and Sporting Kansas City midfielder. He scored a late header for the USMNT that basically sent Mexico to the World Cup. (Turn on the English subtitles on that YouTube link to see how the Mexican announcer trashes Mexico while praising the USMNT.)
BeckerDreads: Kyle Beckerman. Veteran USMNT and Real Salt Lake midfielder. Has dreadlocks. His stock has rose for the most part in the eyes of the SB under Klinsmann.
DMB / Run DMB: DeMarcus Beasley. Veteran USMNT midfielder who has found a new role as a defender under Klinsmann. He could absolutely fly in his prime, and he still has speed for a four-time World Cupper, the first in American history.
JAB: John Anthony Brooks. German-American defender who looks to be the future of the position at center back.
Fab: Fabian Johnson. German-American defender who can just flat-out play soccer. Pushing up, defending, passing...he's in inspired form right now.
Jermaine Jones: USMNT defensive midfielder with a tendency to roam and a greater tendency to cut you completely in half with a slide tackle. Plays for Besiktas in Turkey after a long tenure at Schalke 04 in Germany.
Alejandro Bedoya: Colombian-American winger and attacking midfielder for USMNT and French side Nantes. Had a great season abroad and a few good friendlies in the buildup to the World Cup.
Mix Diskerud: The second-most beautiful midfielder in the American pool. Half-Norwegian, so he's basically a Nordic god. Plays for Rosenborg in the country of his birth.
Julian Green: Just turned 19 years old. Forward/winger who was born in Tampa, Florida, but grew up in Germany. He plays for Bayern Munich's reserve team and has featured in a Champions League match for the German giants. There's a ton of hype surrounding this guy.
Matt Besler: Sporting Kansas City center back who could be a starter in Brazil. Former MLS Defender of the Year who has seen his stock explode during this cycle.
Omar Gonzalez: Los Angeles Galaxy center back who was going to be a starter in Brazil, but some poor performances and an injury have slowed him down. Perennial MLS All-Star.
DeAndre Yedlin: Young guy, plays for the Seattle Sounders. Homegrown talent from Washington who has a lot of potential, especially with his attacking skills as a right back.
Geoff Cameron: He's played center back and right back for club (Stoke City) and country (the USA, duh). Versatile defender who should have a starting spot in Brazil.
Brad Davis: Old guy. Left foot. Houston.
Brad Guzan: Bald backup goalkeeper who plays for Aston Villa. The future starter, most likely, for the USMNT.
Nick Rimando: Third goalkeeper on the team, plays for Real Salt Lake. Hopefully you'll never see him in Brazil.
Dos a Cero: "Two to zero." This is a common scoreline for USMNT wins over Mexico in recent years, ensuring America's spot on top of North American soccer.
GAM: Eddie Johnson. When asked which video games he played, he responded, "I don’t play video games. I’m a grown-arse man." Won't be at the World Cup.
StuHawk / StuBear: Stu Holden. USMNT and Bolton midfielder. The Soccer Board's favorite man crush. Has the worst injury luck of anyone on the planet. Won't be at the World Cup.
LandyCakes / LandyShades / Cakes / Lando: Landon Donovan. Greatest player in USMNT history. Hates Mexicans. He's somehow not at the World Cup.
This post was edited on 6/12/14 at 6:44 am
13
Posted on 6/4/14 at 6:51 pm to WarSlamEagle
2014 WORLD CUP
Format: 32 teams are divided into eight groups of four. The groups play a round-robin with the top two teams advancing to the knockout stage. Matches are 90 minutes and there can be ties/draws in the group stage. In the single-elimination knockout stage, ties are settled in a 30-minute extra time period. If it's still tied after the 90 minutes, we go to a penalty kick shootout. England will most likely lose one of these shootouts.
Group A
Brazil: The hosts of the 2014 World Cup. Defeated Spain at the Confederations Cup, the preview mini-tournament held every year before the World Cup. Brazil is known for its attractive style of football and the most World Cup titles of all-time. Players to watch are Neymar, Oscar, David Luiz and MLS's own Julio Cesar.
Croatia: Back at the World Cup after missing out in 2010. Expected to be the second-place team out of Group A, behind Brazil. Solid midfield with an under-the-radar defense. Players to watch are Luka Modric, Mario Mandzukic and Dejan Lovren.
Cameroon: Has qualified for the World Cup more than any other African nation, but rarely gets past group stage. They have a few stars but some question marks...and problems with their own federation. Players to watch are Samuel Eto'o, Alex Song and Stephane M'bia.
Mexico: Pure evil. Pure garbage. Pure waste of space. Hendo gave us a Pulitzer-winning World Cup preview of Mexico here.
Group B
Spain: Defending World Cup champions and back-to-back defending European champions. Spain will pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass and pass some more. And then they will probably beat you. They do that a lot. Players to watch are Xavi, Andres Iniesta, former Brazilian national Diego Costa and Iker Casillas. (If you have a specific question about Spain, Dandy Lion is your man.)
Holland / Netherlands: The 2010 World Cup runners-up. The Dutch have a ton of older attacking talent that loves to fight with each other. Holland flamed out at its last major tournament. Players to watch include Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben and anyone they convince to play defense.
Chile: A popular dark horse pick for the knockout round. Plays a high-pressing style that could cause a lot of trouble this summer. Players to watch are Arturo Vidal and Alexis Sanchez.
Australia: Some idiots think Australia's domestic league is better than MLS. As punishment, the "Socceroos" are probably going to get pummeled in Brazil. Players to watch are Tim Cahill and Tim Cahill alone, I guess.
Group C
Colombia: Outside of Brazil and Argentina, this is the strongest South American squad out of the "under-the-radar" bunch. Will miss superstar striker Radamel Falcao (knee injury suffered with his club), but there is still a lot of attacking talent on this team, which is predicted to get out of the group. Players to watch are James Rodriguez, Fredy Guarin and Juan Cuadrado.
Ivory Coast / Cote d'Ivoire: The most talented African team at the World Cup, but "Les Elephants" never seem to do much of anything on the big stage. Prone to high-scoring shootouts, so if you're into that, watch all of their matches. Players to watch are Didier Drogba, Yaya Toure and Gervinho.
Japan: Always a dark horse in an international tournament due to their attractive brand of technical soccer and relative unknown status (they're new to this, like the USA). Recent history suggests they will either flame out in the group stage or make it to the Round of 16. Players to watch are Shinji Kagawa, Keisuke Honda and Yuto Nagatomo.
Greece: Once upon a time, not so very long ago, Greece won a European Championship... everyone hated it and still don't consider them much of a threat. The Greeks are not a strong outfit, but their defensive style will usually keep them in most matches. Players to watch are Kostas Mitroglu, Giorgos Samarasa and Sokratis Papastathopoulos.
Group D
Uruguay: A title-winning giant in the old days and a resurgent South American power in the modern age, Uruguay is actually the top-seeded team in a tough Group D with two traditional powers. Uruguay made it all the way to the semifinals in 2010, putting the world on notice. Players to watch are Luis "The Most Polarizing Athlete on the Planet" Suarez, Edinson Cavani and Gaston Ramirez.
England: The country that invented the game and perfected the art of being just short of a world powerhouse for a variety of reasons. If "The Three Lions" make it to the knockout stage and the match goes into penalties, chalk it up as a loss. They don't know how to deal with it. Players to watch are Wayne Rooney, Daniel Sturridge, Steven Gerrard and whatever hilarity Joe Hart can pull off from the goalkeeper spot.
Italy: Not very many people are predicting Italy to win this tournament, but the nation is a legitimate sleeper pick. Strength all over the field with a great blend of young talent and veteran experience. Usually play a more defensive style but has serious talent up front. Players to watch are Mario "Swag" Balotelli, Andrea Pirlo, Daniele de Rossi and Gianluigi Buffon.
Costa Rica: Thanks for showing up, fellow CONCACAFers. This is one of the best Costa Rica teams in its history, but this group draw was a killer and CR will miss injured MLS goalscorer Alvaro Saborio. Still, they could play the spoiler in what seems to be a three-way battle for the top-two spots. Players to watch are Bryan Ruiz, Joel Campbell and Keylor Navas.
Format: 32 teams are divided into eight groups of four. The groups play a round-robin with the top two teams advancing to the knockout stage. Matches are 90 minutes and there can be ties/draws in the group stage. In the single-elimination knockout stage, ties are settled in a 30-minute extra time period. If it's still tied after the 90 minutes, we go to a penalty kick shootout. England will most likely lose one of these shootouts.
Group A
Brazil: The hosts of the 2014 World Cup. Defeated Spain at the Confederations Cup, the preview mini-tournament held every year before the World Cup. Brazil is known for its attractive style of football and the most World Cup titles of all-time. Players to watch are Neymar, Oscar, David Luiz and MLS's own Julio Cesar.
Croatia: Back at the World Cup after missing out in 2010. Expected to be the second-place team out of Group A, behind Brazil. Solid midfield with an under-the-radar defense. Players to watch are Luka Modric, Mario Mandzukic and Dejan Lovren.
Cameroon: Has qualified for the World Cup more than any other African nation, but rarely gets past group stage. They have a few stars but some question marks...and problems with their own federation. Players to watch are Samuel Eto'o, Alex Song and Stephane M'bia.
Mexico: Pure evil. Pure garbage. Pure waste of space. Hendo gave us a Pulitzer-winning World Cup preview of Mexico here.
Group B
Spain: Defending World Cup champions and back-to-back defending European champions. Spain will pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass and pass some more. And then they will probably beat you. They do that a lot. Players to watch are Xavi, Andres Iniesta, former Brazilian national Diego Costa and Iker Casillas. (If you have a specific question about Spain, Dandy Lion is your man.)
Holland / Netherlands: The 2010 World Cup runners-up. The Dutch have a ton of older attacking talent that loves to fight with each other. Holland flamed out at its last major tournament. Players to watch include Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben and anyone they convince to play defense.
Chile: A popular dark horse pick for the knockout round. Plays a high-pressing style that could cause a lot of trouble this summer. Players to watch are Arturo Vidal and Alexis Sanchez.
Australia: Some idiots think Australia's domestic league is better than MLS. As punishment, the "Socceroos" are probably going to get pummeled in Brazil. Players to watch are Tim Cahill and Tim Cahill alone, I guess.
Group C
Colombia: Outside of Brazil and Argentina, this is the strongest South American squad out of the "under-the-radar" bunch. Will miss superstar striker Radamel Falcao (knee injury suffered with his club), but there is still a lot of attacking talent on this team, which is predicted to get out of the group. Players to watch are James Rodriguez, Fredy Guarin and Juan Cuadrado.
Ivory Coast / Cote d'Ivoire: The most talented African team at the World Cup, but "Les Elephants" never seem to do much of anything on the big stage. Prone to high-scoring shootouts, so if you're into that, watch all of their matches. Players to watch are Didier Drogba, Yaya Toure and Gervinho.
Japan: Always a dark horse in an international tournament due to their attractive brand of technical soccer and relative unknown status (they're new to this, like the USA). Recent history suggests they will either flame out in the group stage or make it to the Round of 16. Players to watch are Shinji Kagawa, Keisuke Honda and Yuto Nagatomo.
Greece: Once upon a time, not so very long ago, Greece won a European Championship... everyone hated it and still don't consider them much of a threat. The Greeks are not a strong outfit, but their defensive style will usually keep them in most matches. Players to watch are Kostas Mitroglu, Giorgos Samarasa and Sokratis Papastathopoulos.
Group D
Uruguay: A title-winning giant in the old days and a resurgent South American power in the modern age, Uruguay is actually the top-seeded team in a tough Group D with two traditional powers. Uruguay made it all the way to the semifinals in 2010, putting the world on notice. Players to watch are Luis "The Most Polarizing Athlete on the Planet" Suarez, Edinson Cavani and Gaston Ramirez.
England: The country that invented the game and perfected the art of being just short of a world powerhouse for a variety of reasons. If "The Three Lions" make it to the knockout stage and the match goes into penalties, chalk it up as a loss. They don't know how to deal with it. Players to watch are Wayne Rooney, Daniel Sturridge, Steven Gerrard and whatever hilarity Joe Hart can pull off from the goalkeeper spot.
Italy: Not very many people are predicting Italy to win this tournament, but the nation is a legitimate sleeper pick. Strength all over the field with a great blend of young talent and veteran experience. Usually play a more defensive style but has serious talent up front. Players to watch are Mario "Swag" Balotelli, Andrea Pirlo, Daniele de Rossi and Gianluigi Buffon.
Costa Rica: Thanks for showing up, fellow CONCACAFers. This is one of the best Costa Rica teams in its history, but this group draw was a killer and CR will miss injured MLS goalscorer Alvaro Saborio. Still, they could play the spoiler in what seems to be a three-way battle for the top-two spots. Players to watch are Bryan Ruiz, Joel Campbell and Keylor Navas.
This post was edited on 6/9/14 at 9:21 am
Posted on 6/4/14 at 6:52 pm to WarSlamEagle
Group E
France: France's history at the World Cup is as up and down as possible. "Les Bleus" won it in 1998, did not score a single goal in 2002, lost in the final in 2006 via headbutt and did not record a single win in 2010. With a good squad with young and old talent, it should be their year to make some noise! (Star winger Franck Ribery was a late scratch due to injury, though.) Players to watch are Karim Benzema, Paul Pogba, Patrice Evra and Hugo Lloris.
Switzerland: The Swiss ran through their qualifying group and are the top seed in E. This comes as a surprise to most of the world as Switzerland have never been a true power. With a winning coach and some fantastic young players, Switzerland could be a real pain in the knockout stage if it gets there. Players to watch are Xherdan Shaqiri, Granit Xhaka, Gokhan Inler and Stephan Lichtensteiner. (Best names in the tournament, the Swiss.)
Ecuador: Not one of the strongest teams in the tournament by any means, but Ecuador showed its ability to knock off better squads during qualifying. Rallied after the shocking death of star striker Christian Benitez. Not expected to get out of the group, but could with some big upsets. Players to watch are Antonio Valencia and Jefferson Montero.
Honduras: Honduras defied all the odds by qualifying for back-to-back World Cups, but it probably won't be in Brazil for long. One of the weakest teams in the competition could sneak up on some opponents, though, like it did with the Swiss in 2010. Players to watch are Oscar Boniek Garcia, Roger Espinoza and Victor Bernardez.
Group F
Argentina: Superstar talent up front, good-to-great midfield, questionable defense. Argentina can score with the best of them and will be a favorite in the tournament since it is in South America. Largely expected to get out of the group and make some sort of run. Players to watch are Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguero, Angel di Maria and Gonzalo Higuain.
Bosnia and Herzegovina: This is the former Yugoslavian nation's first World Cup after becoming a full FIFA member in 1996. Solid squad from top to bottom...no world superstars but more than enough to get out of the group and cause trouble. Players to watch are Edin Dzeko, Miralem Pjanic and Asmir Begovic.
Nigeria: Fresh off a friendly loss to the USMNT, Nigeria head into Brazil with hopes of fighting it out with Bosnia for a spot in the knockout stage. "The Super Eagles" have not recorded a single point in a World Cup this millennium, but they want to change all that with their speedy, team-first style of play. Players to watch are Emmanuel Emenike, John Obi Mikel and Victor Moses.
Iran: Very few know anything about this team other than it rarely scores goals...and rarely gives them up. Packing the box and hoping for a result could give Iran a few points at the World Cup, something it hasn't had since in a while. Players to watch are...ah, I have no clue.
Group G
United States / USMNT/ The Yanks / Team USA / Your Favorite Team: Group G is called the "Group of Death" because the U.S. is in it. Players to watch are all of them.
Germany: "Die Mannschaft" (control your laughter) is one of the favorites at this year's World Cup, even with a cruel injury to forward Marco Reus. They're very, very good, but lack a true striker and a couple of questions on defense. Any questions about Germany should be directed toward resident German expert hendersonshands. Players to watch are Bastian "Jesus" Schweinsteiger, Mesut "Muslim Jesus" Ozil, Mario Gotze and Manuel Neuer.
Portugal: As much as I want to call this section "(Banged-Up) Cristiano Ronaldo and 10 of His Friends," one must admit that Portugal has talent other than the superstar forward. Injuries and an underwhelming buildup to the World Cup could hurt Portugal in the long run. Players to watch are Ronaldo, Nani, Joao Moutinho and Rui Patricio.
Ghana: The constant thorn in the United States' side and Africa's only knockout stage participant at the 2010 World Cup. They've slipped a bit since the last Cup but are still a dangerous side for the U.S.'s first match, a virtual must-win. Players to watch are Kwadwo Asamoah, Kevin-Prince Boateng and Adam Kwarasey, the man who will be fishing the ball out of the back of the net when the USMNT scores repeatedly in the first game.
Group H
Belgium: Everybody's trendy pick to make a huge run in the tournament. Why? Because if they are a young foreign star in the English Premier League, chances are he is Belgian. Belgium does not have much of a recent World Cup history, so this is uncharted territory for them. Players to watch are Romelu Lukaku, Eden Hazard, Vincent Kompany and Thibaut Courtois.
Russia: Former England coach, an Italian named Fabio Capello, has Russia playing with some confidence in his latest globetrotting adventure. They play solid defense with some young attacking talent up front. There aren't any superstars on this team, so Russia is flying under the radar in a weaker group. Players to watch are Aleksandr Kokorin, Alan Dzagoev and Igor Akinfeev.
South Korea: South Korea qualified for the World Cup, but they weren't very impressive, so the federation decided to make a coaching change. The Koreans are a bit of an unknown because of this change, but teams in the past have been balanced and disciplined in defense and attack. Players to watch are Son Heung-Min, Park Chu-Young and Ki Sung-Yeung.
Algeria: Many people are passing over Algeria, but they gave teams trouble in the last World Cup. Algeria has experience all over the field, and there isn't a true weakness in this team other than the fact they don't have any star players. Players to watch are Yacine Brahimi and Islam Slimani.
__________________________________________________
USMNT'S GROUP MATCHES (TIMES IN CDT)
JUNE 16 5:00 PM GHANA
JUNE 22 5:00 PM PORTUGAL
JUNE 26 11:00 AM GERMANY
France: France's history at the World Cup is as up and down as possible. "Les Bleus" won it in 1998, did not score a single goal in 2002, lost in the final in 2006 via headbutt and did not record a single win in 2010. With a good squad with young and old talent, it should be their year to make some noise! (Star winger Franck Ribery was a late scratch due to injury, though.) Players to watch are Karim Benzema, Paul Pogba, Patrice Evra and Hugo Lloris.
Switzerland: The Swiss ran through their qualifying group and are the top seed in E. This comes as a surprise to most of the world as Switzerland have never been a true power. With a winning coach and some fantastic young players, Switzerland could be a real pain in the knockout stage if it gets there. Players to watch are Xherdan Shaqiri, Granit Xhaka, Gokhan Inler and Stephan Lichtensteiner. (Best names in the tournament, the Swiss.)
Ecuador: Not one of the strongest teams in the tournament by any means, but Ecuador showed its ability to knock off better squads during qualifying. Rallied after the shocking death of star striker Christian Benitez. Not expected to get out of the group, but could with some big upsets. Players to watch are Antonio Valencia and Jefferson Montero.
Honduras: Honduras defied all the odds by qualifying for back-to-back World Cups, but it probably won't be in Brazil for long. One of the weakest teams in the competition could sneak up on some opponents, though, like it did with the Swiss in 2010. Players to watch are Oscar Boniek Garcia, Roger Espinoza and Victor Bernardez.
Group F
Argentina: Superstar talent up front, good-to-great midfield, questionable defense. Argentina can score with the best of them and will be a favorite in the tournament since it is in South America. Largely expected to get out of the group and make some sort of run. Players to watch are Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguero, Angel di Maria and Gonzalo Higuain.
Bosnia and Herzegovina: This is the former Yugoslavian nation's first World Cup after becoming a full FIFA member in 1996. Solid squad from top to bottom...no world superstars but more than enough to get out of the group and cause trouble. Players to watch are Edin Dzeko, Miralem Pjanic and Asmir Begovic.
Nigeria: Fresh off a friendly loss to the USMNT, Nigeria head into Brazil with hopes of fighting it out with Bosnia for a spot in the knockout stage. "The Super Eagles" have not recorded a single point in a World Cup this millennium, but they want to change all that with their speedy, team-first style of play. Players to watch are Emmanuel Emenike, John Obi Mikel and Victor Moses.
Iran: Very few know anything about this team other than it rarely scores goals...and rarely gives them up. Packing the box and hoping for a result could give Iran a few points at the World Cup, something it hasn't had since in a while. Players to watch are...ah, I have no clue.
Group G
United States / USMNT/ The Yanks / Team USA / Your Favorite Team: Group G is called the "Group of Death" because the U.S. is in it. Players to watch are all of them.
Germany: "Die Mannschaft" (control your laughter) is one of the favorites at this year's World Cup, even with a cruel injury to forward Marco Reus. They're very, very good, but lack a true striker and a couple of questions on defense. Any questions about Germany should be directed toward resident German expert hendersonshands. Players to watch are Bastian "Jesus" Schweinsteiger, Mesut "Muslim Jesus" Ozil, Mario Gotze and Manuel Neuer.
Portugal: As much as I want to call this section "(Banged-Up) Cristiano Ronaldo and 10 of His Friends," one must admit that Portugal has talent other than the superstar forward. Injuries and an underwhelming buildup to the World Cup could hurt Portugal in the long run. Players to watch are Ronaldo, Nani, Joao Moutinho and Rui Patricio.
Ghana: The constant thorn in the United States' side and Africa's only knockout stage participant at the 2010 World Cup. They've slipped a bit since the last Cup but are still a dangerous side for the U.S.'s first match, a virtual must-win. Players to watch are Kwadwo Asamoah, Kevin-Prince Boateng and Adam Kwarasey, the man who will be fishing the ball out of the back of the net when the USMNT scores repeatedly in the first game.
Group H
Belgium: Everybody's trendy pick to make a huge run in the tournament. Why? Because if they are a young foreign star in the English Premier League, chances are he is Belgian. Belgium does not have much of a recent World Cup history, so this is uncharted territory for them. Players to watch are Romelu Lukaku, Eden Hazard, Vincent Kompany and Thibaut Courtois.
Russia: Former England coach, an Italian named Fabio Capello, has Russia playing with some confidence in his latest globetrotting adventure. They play solid defense with some young attacking talent up front. There aren't any superstars on this team, so Russia is flying under the radar in a weaker group. Players to watch are Aleksandr Kokorin, Alan Dzagoev and Igor Akinfeev.
South Korea: South Korea qualified for the World Cup, but they weren't very impressive, so the federation decided to make a coaching change. The Koreans are a bit of an unknown because of this change, but teams in the past have been balanced and disciplined in defense and attack. Players to watch are Son Heung-Min, Park Chu-Young and Ki Sung-Yeung.
Algeria: Many people are passing over Algeria, but they gave teams trouble in the last World Cup. Algeria has experience all over the field, and there isn't a true weakness in this team other than the fact they don't have any star players. Players to watch are Yacine Brahimi and Islam Slimani.
__________________________________________________
USMNT'S GROUP MATCHES (TIMES IN CDT)
JUNE 16 5:00 PM GHANA
JUNE 22 5:00 PM PORTUGAL
JUNE 26 11:00 AM GERMANY
This post was edited on 6/9/14 at 9:19 am
Posted on 6/4/14 at 6:56 pm to WarSlamEagle
Reserved for Other Stuff
Posted on 6/4/14 at 6:57 pm to WarSlamEagle
Reserved for Even More Stuff
Posted on 6/4/14 at 7:03 pm to WarSlamEagle
quote:
Dos a Cero: "Two to zero." This is a common scoreline for USMNT wins over Mexico in recent years, ensuring America's spot on top of North American soccer.
Need to add: In Columbus, Ohio
Posted on 6/4/14 at 7:14 pm to WarSlamEagle
Reserved for whatever
This post was edited on 6/4/14 at 7:15 pm
Posted on 6/4/14 at 7:18 pm to fightingtigers98
I have some reservations
Posted on 6/4/14 at 7:39 pm to Dandy Lion
This post has been marked unreadable!
Posted on 6/4/14 at 7:50 pm to BraveTiger225
reserved for when the USA wins their current match
Posted on 6/4/14 at 9:34 pm to fightingtigers98
-Michael Bradley is also called "Lex Luthor" or "General Bradley" by the Italian media.
-Holland "players to watch" should include Wesley Sneijder
-Tim Howard - you could add something about him screaming at the defense all the time
...or maybe that he's the best US player on the world stage.
-Ultras/Hooligans - mention in general soccer terminology
-Holland "players to watch" should include Wesley Sneijder
-Tim Howard - you could add something about him screaming at the defense all the time
...or maybe that he's the best US player on the world stage. -Ultras/Hooligans - mention in general soccer terminology
This post was edited on 6/4/14 at 9:41 pm
Posted on 6/4/14 at 9:50 pm to fightingtigers98
reserved for my abnormally large penis
This post was edited on 6/4/14 at 9:51 pm
Posted on 6/4/14 at 11:51 pm to WarSlamEagle
I say offsides and I don't give a frick
Posted on 6/5/14 at 12:23 am to SuperSoakher
Sweet.
Posted on 6/5/14 at 10:01 am to BleedPurpleGold
Reserved for bump
Posted on 6/5/14 at 10:23 am to GeauxColonels
bump for reservation
Posted on 6/5/14 at 10:35 am to theOG
Reservations about my reservations
Posted on 6/5/14 at 10:56 am to Dandy Lion
Reservations at the finest steakhouse in the land
This post was edited on 6/5/14 at 10:57 am
Posted on 6/5/14 at 10:59 am to thenry712
quote:
Reservations at the finest steakhouse in the land
we like to call that Stubear's Thighs
Posted on 6/5/14 at 12:04 pm to hendersonshands
Edited to add something of value...(its subjective)
US 2 Ghana 1
US 1 Portugal 1
US 1 Germany 2
US Advances
US 2 Ghana 1
US 1 Portugal 1
US 1 Germany 2
US Advances
This post was edited on 6/7/14 at 8:31 am
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