Yearly Thanksgiving Play By Play

Some gems from years Past:
The Mad Fratter

quote:

---

Last year my pissant cousin decided family Thanksgiving was the perfect time to let his preacher dad know he had been doing meth. Whatever happens this year it can't be that bad.

---

toddzilla

quote:

---

My five year old niece from my crackhead sister in law is about to get a tranquilizer dart in the neck. Other than that, no one is drinking yet, so no fireworks as of now.

ETA: Mrs. Zilla is hitting the wine due to said niece and her Mee Maw calling her fat...

UPDATE: Crackhead Sister in Law is here. Wife is ready to kick her arse. Place your bets...

---

Rhino5

quote:

---

Got food poisoning last night at approximately 1am and unleashed an ungodly hell on the toilet. Gastrointestinal Armageddon is appropriate. Slept on the bathroom floor and I'm sore as shite. Currently being dealt the leper treatment, sitting outside by myself with a fricking piece of bread. Really sucks seeing all that awesome food and not having the guts to eat it. So long as I'm good for the iron bowl. Happy thanksgiving.

---

porkrind

quote:

---

Last year my nephew strolls in and starts calling his much larger/stronger brother a leach for still living in his dads guest house. When the brother finally got pissed off and went after him he yanked out a gun and said "HE WENT FOR MY GUN'.

That loud mouth pussy is not invited this year.

---

Jon Ham

quote:

---

Went for drinks with my wife and her parents last night. Somehow my wife and her mom started talking about how women have it harder than men or some shite. It pissed me off so I reminded them they should be thankful we gave them the right to vote but don’t thank me because it wasn’t me who did it as I would never have voted for it. I tried to say it as a joke but a joke never happened and it was just me basically telling them to STFU. Good times.

---

OlGrandad

quote:

---

While I was getting dressed, wife starts yelling in the kitchen. I go in and the Weimaraner is going through the doggy door.

He had jumped on the counter and was eating the turkey when she walked in.

I am under orders to keep quiet when the company arrives.
This will be known as the "turkey" incident of 2018.

---

Hawgnsincebirth55

quote:

---

Reminds me of how the most trashy part of my family, 3 sisters 2 of which had 4 children out of wedlock (each one had the first one in high school), they smoke, drink excessively have trashy tattoos and none of them have a decent job. It was a milestone last year when one of them graduated nursing school. Well these are the same 3 that will shout out things such as "it's time to say fricking grace!" Or after someone finishes praying, "Hell yeah dig in!". They are loud and obnoxious too. Also their idea of great is chanting and I quote, "God is good, God is great let us thank him for our food, amen." Like they are frickinh children!! God I hate that part of my family.

---

VolInBavaria

quote:

---

It's me and my GF's first Thanksgiving together. She's on her period and has been in a god awful mood all damn day. We were an hour late to her families dinner because she couldn't get her makeup to look right. I don't drink but I may start

---

rich4pres

quote:

---

My wife's sister is mad at my wife. My wife is crying. My son refuses to take a nap. And I am an arse for going to rake the leaves. And it is only Wednesday.

---

rich4pres

quote:

---

Well, part one at my side of the family is done. Here is how the conversation went with me and my uncle.
Uncle: "I can tell money has been good for you. You have gotten fat."
Me: "Oh, how you doin? So, are you still cheating on your wife? "
That was it. We stayed an hour.

---

quote:

---

Whelp, kicked an in-law out of my house alreadyPosted by TDsngumbo ? ? on 11/28/19 at 3:18 pm

She verbally attacked my wife in MY house. It’s one thing to do that in general but don’t come into my house and do it. I feel bad that things escalated the way they did but my wife is my queen. Hopefully we amend things soon.


Happy Thanksgiving, fellas.

---

thekid

quote:

---

Had my wife’s cousins invite themselves over for thanksgiving because they just got back from Bali and they are too tired to cook. Couple with a 6 and 10 yr who are the worst two kids I’ve ever dealt with. I literally hate the 6 year old boy. His parents never correct him and he is such a little a-hole. I truly believe he will become a serial killer...I told the wife we should start using his middle name to give him a head start.

---

quote:

---

Going family-less this year and stretching out the “two years to flatten the curve” excuse one last holiday.

---

Join us on the Aucoin Hart talk and text line

quote:

---

porkrind

quote:
Last year my nephew strolls in and starts calling his much larger/stronger brother a leach for still living in his dads guest house. When the brother finally got pissed off and went after him he yanked out a gun and said "HE WENT FOR MY GUN'.

That loud mouth pussy is not invited this year.

---

Mufasa and scar, Livingston parish edition

This should be an easy one for me. For the first time in a few years, I don’t have to drive to one of my sister’s houses. One has 6 kids ranging from a freshman in HS to a one year old. It’s a fricking zoo. The kids are well-behaved, but it’s still pretty loud. When we go there, I’ll drink enough to pass out on the couch.

My other sister has 2 kids and a much larger home, so it’s easier to escape.

Wife and I have no kids, so we are forced into the travel. Sisters will give me shite for not thinking twice about driving 8 hours to BR for some Thanksgiving football but not wanting to drive 2-4 hours to see nieces and nephews.

I’m an a-hole, but its just not my thing I guess.

On Thanksgiving of every year, Tigerdroppings makes me realize I hit the absolute jackpot being born into my family. Everyone is happy and helps cook, clean etc., and I cannot ever recall a fight.

We're not perfect, but it's like we're living in Mayberry compared to most of you baws.

I am a happy sideline reader this year.

Just me and my wife/kids and my Sister in laws family.

No drama. Just turkey.

My 8 year old woke up throwing up last night. Looks like we will be missing my family Thanksgiving for the first time ever. We were supposed to head south after lunch today.

This sucks because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Oh well. Maybe being home with just the wife and kids will be nice.

Just hope I can find a turkey at the grocery store today.

I'm expecting some good vaccinated/ unvaccinated arguments, with some potential masks/ no masks sparrings as well.

Can't wait for more!