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Message
2
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:19 am to nes2010
If you want to, you can leave your wife in financial ruin regardless of her having supposedly "separate" accounts. IMO it's not smart to legally bind your assets to another person if you can't trust that person to manage the assets. Having "separate" accounts is basically a set of arbitrary rules with no legal backing that the two people are self-imposing and can disregard at any time.
So I guess my point is that while I realize "it works" for alot of people, "it works" because they agree to it and choose to make it work that way. But it stands to reason they could just as well choose to make it work jointly.
So I guess my point is that while I realize "it works" for alot of people, "it works" because they agree to it and choose to make it work that way. But it stands to reason they could just as well choose to make it work jointly.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:20 am to Pecker
quote:
Had this talk with a friend the other night. He said he thinks it's crazy that my wife and I manage our money separately.
We have two savings accounts that we dump money into each pay period. One of those is for travel and the other is for general savings. We have a set $ amount that we've agreed to put in there each month.
We don't share any other accounts or retirement funds. She buys groceries and household things, and I pay whenever we go out. It balances out for the most part. Aside from that, she can buy whatever tf she wants with her money. Same with me. If either of us spends over $20k or so, we'll mention it to the other person as a courtesy.
When it comes to big purchases like a home, we just decide how much each of us can afford and go from there.
We run a hybrid system. My paycheck goes into the family's primary checking account. Her paycheck goes into a separate account simply bc I am divorced and pay CS to my ex. We do not want the financials combined in case there's some sort of CS lawsuit. Our names are on each of the family's accounts so we both have access if needed.
My wife is a fantastic saver (better than me) so she is given a monthly allotment of both our incomes via transfer that is put away and out of reach. Over the years we successfully saved to fully pay for our wedding, travel internationally multiple times, and build an emergency nest egg.
I schedule payment for all bills and make some minor investments to build our "play money" portfolio.
Major purchases are discussed and mutually agreed. Everyday common purchases are not micromanaged as we both spend within reason.
I really have to credit my wife for being an equal partner in building our family's wealth. It is very refreshing to finally be with someone who has their shite straight.
This post was edited on 3/27/18 at 8:22 am
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:22 am to Pecker
We share everything, and I manage it in a joint account. We discuss our budget and allocations to savings yearly. She's great though, she doesn't spend money on stupid shite. What she lacks in cooking skills she makes up for in fiscal responsibility.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:22 am to Pecker
quote:
He said he thinks it's crazy that my wife and I manage our money separately.
That's not crazy in and of itself, but not knowing the entirety of the money your family holds at any given time is crazy to me.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:22 am to Huey Lewis
quote:
If you want to, you can leave your wife in financial ruin regardless of her having supposedly "separate" accounts. IMO it's not smart to legally bind your assets to another person if you can't trust that person to manage the assets. Having "separate" accounts is basically a set of arbitrary rules with no legal backing that the two people are self-imposing and can disregard at any time.
So I guess my point is that while I realize "it works" for alot of people, "it works" because they agree to it and choose to make it work that way. But it stands to reason they could just as well choose to make it work jointly.
Yes, if I wanted, I could leave my wife in financial ruin. Same for her. I could also run off with a 19 year old. I could also murder her if I wanted.
If we didn't trust each other financially, or otherwise, we wouldn't be together. We don't need to have joint accounts to make sure the other person doesn't leave us in financial ruin.
I'm sure we could make a joint account work. But we already have a working system that we both like, so why would we change it for the sake of "doing what married people do?"
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:24 am to KG6
quote:
"do whatever you want".
This is my answer to everything she ask me so she doesn't even ask anymore.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:25 am to Bama and Beer
wtf b 
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:25 am to Pecker
This is how my wife and I do it. And it's weird to me that this system baffles some people. It's not even about trust, our bills were separate before we got married and we saw no real reason to change that once we got married other than old people telling us thats what we're "supposed to do".
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:25 am to Drunken Crawfish
We share a savings and checking account. No separate accounts. My wife pays all the bills from our checking account.
We discuss purchases over $100. Beyond that it is do whatever you want.
We discuss purchases over $100. Beyond that it is do whatever you want.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:25 am to Pecker
quote:
She knows what she can afford. I know what I can afford
People have different ideas of what they can afford. If my wife took after her family and I took after mine, she'd be eating ramen noodles every night while I had a nice savings account. Being married typically means you are building a life together, so you have to plan together for some major things (house, kids, cars, retirement, etc.). I'm not against separate accounts. We did it for several years just because we were too lazy to combine. But we stayed aware of what we were spending as a family, what our savings as a whole looked like. What we could afford together. You can't just worry about what you make and spend if you are looking at purchases that are on the level of taking both incomes into account. If you don't pay attention to your SO's spending, how can you trust to cosign on a house putting your credit on the line?
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:26 am to Pecker
quote:
I already have a system for managing my money. I like that system, so I'm going to keep it. She's good with her money and she's an adult so if she wants to handle her money then I'm all for it.
What I'm saying is that this is legally arbitrary. You don't have a system for managing your money and she's not good with handling her money. You have a system for handling some of your joint money and she's good with/handles some other joint money. The $700 purse money is your money too and the expensive watch money is her money too.
So then what's the point to the separation? It's not an effective way to hedge against a divorce. It doesn't increase efficiency in handling the assets. Alot of people use it to avoid a money fight, but that just means there's an underlying marital problem where you're not able to trust your spouse with money and/or agree on the best way to use and manage money.
quote:
If we didn't trust each other financially, or otherwise, we wouldn't be together. We don't need to have joint accounts to make sure the other person doesn't leave us in financial ruin. I'm sure we could make a joint account work. But we already have a working system that we both like, so why would we change it for the sake of "doing what married people do?"
Right, I agree with all this. I'm not saying you specifically have this confused at all. From a relationship standpoint of course the goal is to trust your spouse and work well together etc. I have friends and family that confuse the separate accounts/joint accounts thing with actually making a legal difference though, and talk about it like they're hedging their bets in case of a divorce.
This post was edited on 3/27/18 at 8:32 am
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:27 am to TheDeathValley
quote:
We discuss purchases over $100.
Seriously?
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:29 am to TheDeathValley
quote:remind me to never get married
We discuss purchases over $100.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:30 am to Pecker
Yes, that's how we do it. We basically split all the bills according to what each of us can pay. No questions asked otherwise. We don't just go out and buy cars though. 
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:30 am to Pecker
quote:
If either of us spends over $20k or so, we'll mention it to the other person as a courtesy.
Dafuq are you spending 20k on that the other person isn't going to notice without you mentioning?
"Honey, I just wanted to mention that I spent about $28,000 on a fantastic sculpture at the auction last week"
"Oh, thanks for letting me know sweety, I thought the 3 foot statuette of a golden dong in the bedroom looked new".
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:30 am to Pecker
I arrange her tricks and she brings me the money.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:32 am to yellowfin
"honey is it okay for me to go get groceries this week?"
This post was edited on 3/27/18 at 8:32 am
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:34 am to Pecker
There isn't one correct way.
It is whatever works for you as a couple.
As for who makes the financial decisions....we both do. While we may have separate accounts...we discuss all major purchases together. We also discuss any separate purchases say like over $300-400 with one another.
It is whatever works for you as a couple.
As for who makes the financial decisions....we both do. While we may have separate accounts...we discuss all major purchases together. We also discuss any separate purchases say like over $300-400 with one another.
Posted on 3/27/18 at 8:35 am to yellowfin
quote:
Seriously?
Yeah I mean if it is groceries or bills no, we do not. If it is something random we will at least let the other person know "hey I am spending $200 on a new fishing pole" We are both pretty much on the same page.
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