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re: What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 4:03 pm to johnqpublic
Posted on 3/27/24 at 4:03 pm to johnqpublic
quote:
I had an apartment. And I had a neighbor. And whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down. That made me angry. Because I like loud music. So he knocked on the wall, I’d mess with his head. I’d say “go around.” “I cannot open the wall.” “I don’t know if you have a doorknob of the other side.” “But over here, there’s nothing.” “It’s just flat.”
0
Posted on 3/27/24 at 4:09 pm to WG_Dawg
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 4:17 pm to concrete_tiger
Pringles is a hip company. They were gonna make tennis balls but on the day the truck showed up, it was full of potatoes. Pringles said " Frick it...cut 'em up"!!
Posted on 3/27/24 at 4:19 pm to concrete_tiger
Can't believe this hasn't come up yet:
quote:
I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 5:20 pm to KILGUS
quote:
”My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey… Hold on fellas… Let me hold one of you and feed you a leaf."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 5:40 pm to concrete_tiger
My favorite Mitch Herbert jokes were from the couple of times I saw home live and he’d just bust out laughing before the punchline of one of his well known jokes.
His TV specials and his audio releases don’t quite capture that vibe of his live shows. Those are still funny but not to the same degree of his fumbling around cracking himself up on stage and just randomly going off on tangents from his set list.
His TV specials and his audio releases don’t quite capture that vibe of his live shows. Those are still funny but not to the same degree of his fumbling around cracking himself up on stage and just randomly going off on tangents from his set list.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:07 pm to concrete_tiger
Yoplait
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:19 pm to CocomoLSU
quote:
As beloved as Mitch was/is, I still think he was pretty underrated.
He was also in an era that was just shock humor non stop with getting cheap laughs out of being stupid and not a lot of well crafted quips.
He was a gem and will continue to age much better than the Tom greens and such that were on trend in the 90s
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:21 pm to NoSaint
“I can’t wait for this show to be over because I have a roll of lifesavers in my pocket, and the next one is pineapple.”
It doesn’t read that funny, but he dropped it in the middle of his set when I saw him live and had me rolling.
It doesn’t read that funny, but he dropped it in the middle of his set when I saw him live and had me rolling.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:22 pm to concrete_tiger
There are so many, but here are a few of my favorites:
"This shirt is Dry Clean Only. Which means...it's dirty."
"I'm staying at a hotel that is superstitious. They don't have a 13th floor but c'mon people on the 14th floor...you know what floor you're really on. Jump out the window and you'll die earlier!"
"I went to the grocery store to buy some oranges. The cashier asked if I wanted a bag. I said, 'Oh no man, I juggle but I can only juggle 3. So if I'm ever here buying more than that...fuggin BAG 'EM UP!"
"This shirt is Dry Clean Only. Which means...it's dirty."
"I'm staying at a hotel that is superstitious. They don't have a 13th floor but c'mon people on the 14th floor...you know what floor you're really on. Jump out the window and you'll die earlier!"
"I went to the grocery store to buy some oranges. The cashier asked if I wanted a bag. I said, 'Oh no man, I juggle but I can only juggle 3. So if I'm ever here buying more than that...fuggin BAG 'EM UP!"
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:39 pm to xGeauxLSUx
quote:
I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:51 pm to concrete_tiger
I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 7:22 pm to concrete_tiger
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 7:37 pm to CaptSpaulding
quote:
“I can’t wait for this show to be over because I have a roll of lifesavers in my pocket, and the next one is pineapple.”
It doesn’t read that funny, but he dropped it in the middle of his set when I saw him live and had me rolling.
It reads pretty fricking funny because I can instantly hear it in his voice. With the pregnant pause in there.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:05 pm to CamNewtonsDress
How has fajita cologne not been mentioned in four pages? Did I miss it?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:06 pm to Korkstand
quote:
I don't think anyone else could pull off most of his jokes, his delivery did most of the work.
He actually had stage fright and was terrified to be up there. Talked about it in an interview.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:23 pm to concrete_tiger
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:25 pm to concrete_tiger
“She said I was weird. But she was weird. She has a husband. And they have a family picture, where everyone is smiling, but everyone is looking to the left. As if there was… something on the left that made everybody happy.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:28 pm to MikeyWM97
quote:
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:02 pm to Sasquatch Smash
quote:
The bit about the duck and the bread from Subway is pretty good. quote:Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care, it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.
I guess I don’t need to laugh post at every one. 
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