re: What's The Funniest Thing You Witnessed in Person?

Roughly as funny as finding a stray fingernail in your food.

One night when I was at NLU (Now ULM)my two best friends and I drove to Ruston to pull some of those puritanical Tech girls. We all had cars of our own, but for some reason one of my friends was driving his mom's car.

We ended up getting so wasted we got hungry and went to the old Ruston Burger King that was where the Taco Bell is now. Somehow we ended up with a poster of the Burger King in my friend's mom's car.

Not long after that we decided since it was almost midnight we should go back to Monroe. Before we went back, we decided we'd stop at what is now the Chevron convenience store on Tech Drive (Cooktown Rd.).

The friend who was driving his mom's car and I went inside. My friend asked the guy working there for directions to the rest room. He said they didn't have public restrooms and went back to talking with three Tech girls that were at the counter.

I follow my friend down the aisle and see him stop, unzip his pants and start walking down the aisle peeing on everything on the shelves. I distinctly remember his piss hitting the loaves of bread and splattering everywhere. I started laughing, ran past the girls at the counter & out the door.

I was laughing so hard, I couldn't tell my other friend what was going on. He started laughing at me as I blurted out "come on", motioned towards the store and headed back inside.

We went to that aisle and our guy was back there, leaning against the beer cooler, admiring his work, grinning like a shat eating dog. The other guy and I were still laughing nearly uncontrollably.

Then it hit me that we should get out of there before they see the damage and call the cops. For all I knew that might have already happened. I tell my guys we need to leave and lead them down another aisle. It's the candy aisle and as I look back over my shoulder I see both of them grabbing candy bars and stuffing them into their pockets. That lets me know I'm the only one that's not too messed up to drive.

We get out to the car and I get behind the wheel and drive us onto I-20. The guy who's mom's car I'm driving is in the front passenger seat and our other friend is leaning into the space where the armrest is folded down. We're laugh, hooting and hollering about the convenience store scene.

Front passenger seat friend remembers that it's his mom's car I'm driving and starts telling me he wants to drive. I explain that he's too drunk and wasted. He gets mad, leans back hard against the seat and starts kicking the windshield of his mom's car. He cracks it up and destroys the dash and the ash tray.

At that point I had to s pull over on the side of I-20 to calm him down. Both of my friends played football at NLU. The guy on the backseat was a kicker, but the one who was going nuts was a DT that could bench 460 pounds.

When I stop, I put the keys in my pocket and walk around to his side of the car. The guy on the backseat pulls a softball bat off the floor of the mom's car and they want me to hit the windshield with it. Both of them are saying it's broken and will have to be replaced anyway.

I took the bat, rared back and swung it really hard, letting up as I hit the window. Mom's car, DT laughs and says, "You're a pussy."

I looked and him and said, "You really don't care if I break the window, do you?' He said no, so I bashed it really good. All it did was put a hole the width of the bat through the window. They both wanted to do it and took turns knocking holes in different parts of the windshield.

After that Mom's car, DT says he needs to pee again. I told him to walk away from the car so no one would see him peeing on the side of I-20. Meanwhile dozens of cars have driven past while we were knocking holes in the windshield.

The other guy and I are sitting in the car laughing about how crazy the night has been when we realize Mom's car, DT has been gone through a couple of really long songs. We get out a start yelling his name, but he doesn't answer. I went one way in the pitch black night and he went the other way.

We found him asleep on the ground, woke him up and got him to the car. We made it back to Monroe without incident. They both lived in Brossard, the old athletic dorm at NLU. Kicker's roommate went home for the weekend because his mom had gotten a couple of pounds of good pot (that's another story for another day), so I was just going to stay there and go back to my place the next day.

DT is still really drunk and wasted so he wants to stay with us too. He goes down to his room, pulls the mattress, that's fully made, off the bed and drags it down from the far end of the hall. We're standing in the hall laughing. The golf coach lived on that floor and came out. DT just looks at him and says, "It's alright Coach, We're just f*cked up."

He brought his mattress in and slept on it in the middle of the room.

The next day I woke up in a strange room, realized where I was and knew I need to get to my car and get home. I quietly gathered my stuff, stepped around DT's mattress and headed out the door. When I got outside I went to get in my car and there next to it was DT's mom's car with the smashed up windshield, cracked up dash, no ashtray and a Burger King poster in the back window.

Caplewood



I love that show... However, it depresses me to know I grew up thinking I was Kelso only to find out I was more of a Red Foreman as I got older

It was a wonderful place. Folks would fly in from Anchorage in their float planes to spend the weekend. No cops, no rules. People were generally well behaved, well....until the owners tried to kill each other.

There were a couple other bars on islands in the lake. It was fun to make a circuit but Call of the Wild was the place to go. Sadly the troopers built a presence in the area and all the good spots closed.

You sure that wasn't you strapped to the wall?

That was the craziest night I can remember where no one got hurt or arrested. My old DT buddy and I did all kinds of crazy stuff together. In high school, college and as roommates when we both moved to Dallas in the 80's.

When he was sober, he could literally pull Playboy Playmates. If he got wasted he was hard to control. Hit me hard a couple of times when I tried to break up fights he'd gotten into. Had to bail him out of jail a couple of times when I gave up on controlling him.

Dude was wild until he was in his 30's. i settled down before then.

My buddy took me to a bar in the WHD called The Corporation. They start talking about a guy who used to frequent or work at the bar. I want to say his name was George... George had died and they tell funny stories about things George used to say and do. They say they miss George and wish they could have one more drink with him. Bar tender says "Let's have a drink with George". He pulls out a box with George's cremated remains in it. They open the box and flick cigarette ashes into it and pour a shot into it. They all tell George to frick off you old fricker and we all toast George. They assure me George would have wanted it this way.

This was in the 80's when I was a kid. We had bottle rocket wars with pvc pipes as launchers and plywood forts. My buddy Marcus was on our team and he had a big afro, we were hiding behind the plywood taking cover except for Marcus afro. A bottle rocket flew dead center in his hair and set his afro was on fire. Had to run home and put his head under the hose pipe. I still laugh about that 30 years later.