- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: What to do: Neighbor with Santa still up: update p 19
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:21 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:21 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
You need to write in verse, and leave it pinned to a post with a knife.
This post was edited on 2/17/14 at 4:24 pm
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:23 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
I feel like I'm reading the annoy-a-tron thread again they way I keep hitting refresh 

Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:32 pm to doliss
Looks like we got us an old time serial story going on here.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:36 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
quote:
The dogs inflated
Start violating the inflatable dog sexually...that will get their attention if they are still alive.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:39 pm to brgfather129
Leave a note that says "an entire website hopes you are dead :)"
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:44 pm to Grim
quote:
Leave a note that says "an entire website hopes you are dead :)"

Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:58 pm to Grim
quote:
Leave a note that says "an entire website hopes you are dead :)"
yea but if he's dead, he might leave a ghost behind and then we've got a whole new problem in addition to the inflatable santa.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:00 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
quote:For the sake of the OT, you should have knocked on the door 3 weeks ago to help the old lady put her Christmas decorations up. Then you could come and post about what a great person you are instead of someone who talks about their neighbors but to scared to knock on the door to find out if anything is wrong.
For the integrity of the OT, I shall only report the truth. I hope to not disappoint. I'm leaving in about 30 mins. I should have a report by 5:30.

Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:05 pm to dante
Im dying to find out what happens! If my William Howard Taft inflatable is still up 6 weeks from now somebody please come check on me.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:22 pm to Grim
I think this comment was funnier because your name is Grim.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:35 pm to chadau79
I Hope the OP doesn't have to keep putting lotion on his skin to keep from getting the hose again.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:36 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
quote:
I should have a report by 5:30.
Well?
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:44 pm to Golfer
So I went over there, bringing my dog as a prop to the "North Pole" to investigate first hand in the light of day. In the brief walk I passed children playing, enjoying the warmer temps. I could not help but long for days of childish naivety, days without a reasonable suspicion of a rotting corpse just just down the block from where I learned to ride I bike. More so, I longed for days where I wasn't confronted with said rotting corpse by confronting the unpleasant reality which many have apparently chosen to ignore. The very same folks with whom I exchanged pleasantries and a neighborly nod just prior to facing this stark reality. Santa, on 2/17? It's just not right.
Perhaps the man of the house owned an ice cream parlor, maybe a food truck or a franchise. Would he have killed his own family, perhaps with an ice pick and left them undetected in these unseasonably cool temps. Perhaps an Alabama fan, unable to come to grips with two consecutive losses to end the year became enraged and snapped. Impossible. It's a game played by young adults. Who would behave that way?
Maybe someone slipped and fell getting out of the shower, perhaps while entangled in a lurid love affair, perhaps even with multiple suitors simultaneously? Perhaps Mr.Clause took the early flight home from San Diego only to find Ms. Clause in such a compromising position, in the very act of coitus? Perhaps he briefly even sympathized with her desperate pleas for attention and her need for sexual satisfaction until a 5th suitor rang the doorbell, minimizing his arousal and sending him into a blind rage that ended tin the senseless murder of others as well as the final ending to his own book. This doorbell was now in my sights, the same round piece of plastic which triggered his Pavlovian urge to kill his beloved was about to be pressed by...me.
As I approached the the driveway, I dismissed all of nonsensical thoughts in my heard. A man wouldn't commit murder? That's absurd. A woman however, may have been scorned and therefore capable of any devilish deed. She found his phone, and in it contained graphic images of his female assistant, pictures in various forms of undress, even genitalia. The background you ask? The office supply room, his desk, and even a hotel room. "My God" she thought. It's over. My marriage is over!" Until she she saw another. The other woman was in HER bed! Yeah, it's over, but not just the marriage. Maybe she starved him while keeping in captivity through the holiday season. Perhaps Santa was just a front--a simplistic attempt to keep busy families of her trail. She had been driven slowly insane, losing all track of time through this capture. Although she was unaware, he, Santa Clause, remains the ever vigilant guardian of her keeper's palace of horrors. Perhaps I was about to bring her back to reality?
As I entered the property and noticed the unkempt lawn and payed close attention to the the steady hum coming from the Santa inflatable. Growing up in the Rocky Mountains, it reminded me of a wood-chipper, the same machine that stole the summers of my youth and the hand of my best friend, Alton McGee. A dull, consistent bzzzzzz.
I made my way to door, it grew louder. I could hear my heart beat grow, a lump grew in my throat, my fists instinctively clenched. Ring. Wait. Ring again, wait. Knock. Wait. No sign of a dog. No sign of any life. The blinds looks temporary, and fully closed in every visible window, though it's been at least 4 years since they owner bought the house. What can be behind these plywood, drywall, and brick. What Damn You, WHAT! It appeared nothing. I waited a few more minutes and then turned around to further investigate the property.
Shortly after, I approached gentleman living two door down washing his vehicle. I engaged him in conversation. "Hey, I'm ghostfacedisller, I live over there. what's up with the Santa, do you know if they're okay?"
The man replies that he had not noticed the Santa, though it's been standing tall for at least 6 weeks and is at least 6 feet tall itself. When I pointed it out, he concurred it was unusual and he had not seen his neighbor in some time. He agreed to keep an "eye" on the place. While this dullard, seemed friendly enough, I will return at night for further recon. In the meantime, I'm relaxing my nerves with Everclear and Dr. Pepper.
TLDR; I knocked on the door no one was home. I met a neighbor who had not noticed but thought it was weird.
Perhaps the man of the house owned an ice cream parlor, maybe a food truck or a franchise. Would he have killed his own family, perhaps with an ice pick and left them undetected in these unseasonably cool temps. Perhaps an Alabama fan, unable to come to grips with two consecutive losses to end the year became enraged and snapped. Impossible. It's a game played by young adults. Who would behave that way?
Maybe someone slipped and fell getting out of the shower, perhaps while entangled in a lurid love affair, perhaps even with multiple suitors simultaneously? Perhaps Mr.Clause took the early flight home from San Diego only to find Ms. Clause in such a compromising position, in the very act of coitus? Perhaps he briefly even sympathized with her desperate pleas for attention and her need for sexual satisfaction until a 5th suitor rang the doorbell, minimizing his arousal and sending him into a blind rage that ended tin the senseless murder of others as well as the final ending to his own book. This doorbell was now in my sights, the same round piece of plastic which triggered his Pavlovian urge to kill his beloved was about to be pressed by...me.
As I approached the the driveway, I dismissed all of nonsensical thoughts in my heard. A man wouldn't commit murder? That's absurd. A woman however, may have been scorned and therefore capable of any devilish deed. She found his phone, and in it contained graphic images of his female assistant, pictures in various forms of undress, even genitalia. The background you ask? The office supply room, his desk, and even a hotel room. "My God" she thought. It's over. My marriage is over!" Until she she saw another. The other woman was in HER bed! Yeah, it's over, but not just the marriage. Maybe she starved him while keeping in captivity through the holiday season. Perhaps Santa was just a front--a simplistic attempt to keep busy families of her trail. She had been driven slowly insane, losing all track of time through this capture. Although she was unaware, he, Santa Clause, remains the ever vigilant guardian of her keeper's palace of horrors. Perhaps I was about to bring her back to reality?
As I entered the property and noticed the unkempt lawn and payed close attention to the the steady hum coming from the Santa inflatable. Growing up in the Rocky Mountains, it reminded me of a wood-chipper, the same machine that stole the summers of my youth and the hand of my best friend, Alton McGee. A dull, consistent bzzzzzz.
I made my way to door, it grew louder. I could hear my heart beat grow, a lump grew in my throat, my fists instinctively clenched. Ring. Wait. Ring again, wait. Knock. Wait. No sign of a dog. No sign of any life. The blinds looks temporary, and fully closed in every visible window, though it's been at least 4 years since they owner bought the house. What can be behind these plywood, drywall, and brick. What Damn You, WHAT! It appeared nothing. I waited a few more minutes and then turned around to further investigate the property.
Shortly after, I approached gentleman living two door down washing his vehicle. I engaged him in conversation. "Hey, I'm ghostfacedisller, I live over there. what's up with the Santa, do you know if they're okay?"
The man replies that he had not noticed the Santa, though it's been standing tall for at least 6 weeks and is at least 6 feet tall itself. When I pointed it out, he concurred it was unusual and he had not seen his neighbor in some time. He agreed to keep an "eye" on the place. While this dullard, seemed friendly enough, I will return at night for further recon. In the meantime, I'm relaxing my nerves with Everclear and Dr. Pepper.
TLDR; I knocked on the door no one was home. I met a neighbor who had not noticed but thought it was weird.
This post was edited on 2/17/14 at 6:54 pm
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:49 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
Christ, that is long.
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:51 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
Tl;read last three paragraphs
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:52 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
Well you really wasted your time trying to channel your inner fr33.
Who the hell drinks everclear and dr. pepper?
Who the hell drinks everclear and dr. pepper?
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:55 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
Meh, so much anticipation for such a letdown. Kinda like Smokey and the Bandit 2.
A for effort though
A for effort though
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:56 pm to Ghostfacedistiller
I know you had expectations to live up to for your thread, but that was a bit much. Just cut to the point next time. Leave all the dumb shite out.
Keep us updated though. Interesting story. Maybe it's time to call the police?
Keep us updated though. Interesting story. Maybe it's time to call the police?
Back to top
