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re: What to do: Neighbor with Santa still up: update p 19

Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:21 pm to
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
130694 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:21 pm to
You need to write in verse, and leave it pinned to a post with a knife.
This post was edited on 2/17/14 at 4:24 pm
Posted by doliss
Northern VA
Member since Sep 2009
1028 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:23 pm to
I feel like I'm reading the annoy-a-tron thread again they way I keep hitting refresh
Posted by holmesbr
Baton Rouge, La.
Member since Feb 2012
3587 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:32 pm to
Looks like we got us an old time serial story going on here.
Posted by brgfather129
Los Angeles, CA
Member since Jul 2009
17338 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:36 pm to
quote:

The dogs inflated


Start violating the inflatable dog sexually...that will get their attention if they are still alive.
Posted by Grim
Member since Dec 2013
12420 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:39 pm to
Leave a note that says "an entire website hopes you are dead :)"
Posted by doliss
Northern VA
Member since Sep 2009
1028 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:44 pm to
quote:

Leave a note that says "an entire website hopes you are dead :)"


Posted by Tbonepatron
Member since Aug 2013
8461 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:49 pm to
Posted by iluvdatiger
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Jan 2004
42850 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 4:58 pm to
quote:

Leave a note that says "an entire website hopes you are dead :)"


yea but if he's dead, he might leave a ghost behind and then we've got a whole new problem in addition to the inflatable santa.
Posted by dante
Kingwood, TX
Member since Mar 2006
10669 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:00 pm to
quote:

For the integrity of the OT, I shall only report the truth. I hope to not disappoint. I'm leaving in about 30 mins. I should have a report by 5:30.
For the sake of the OT, you should have knocked on the door 3 weeks ago to help the old lady put her Christmas decorations up. Then you could come and post about what a great person you are instead of someone who talks about their neighbors but to scared to knock on the door to find out if anything is wrong.
Posted by flyingtexastiger
Southlake, TX
Member since Oct 2005
1718 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:05 pm to
Im dying to find out what happens! If my William Howard Taft inflatable is still up 6 weeks from now somebody please come check on me.
Posted by chadau79
Daphne, AL
Member since Sep 2009
3441 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:22 pm to
I think this comment was funnier because your name is Grim.
Posted by sportsaddit68
Hammond
Member since Sep 2008
6310 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:35 pm to
I Hope the OP doesn't have to keep putting lotion on his skin to keep from getting the hose again.
Posted by Golfer
Member since Nov 2005
75052 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:36 pm to
quote:

I should have a report by 5:30.


Well?
Posted by Ghostfacedistiller
BR
Member since Jun 2008
17500 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:44 pm to
So I went over there, bringing my dog as a prop to the "North Pole" to investigate first hand in the light of day. In the brief walk I passed children playing, enjoying the warmer temps. I could not help but long for days of childish naivety, days without a reasonable suspicion of a rotting corpse just just down the block from where I learned to ride I bike. More so, I longed for days where I wasn't confronted with said rotting corpse by confronting the unpleasant reality which many have apparently chosen to ignore. The very same folks with whom I exchanged pleasantries and a neighborly nod just prior to facing this stark reality. Santa, on 2/17? It's just not right.

Perhaps the man of the house owned an ice cream parlor, maybe a food truck or a franchise. Would he have killed his own family, perhaps with an ice pick and left them undetected in these unseasonably cool temps. Perhaps an Alabama fan, unable to come to grips with two consecutive losses to end the year became enraged and snapped. Impossible. It's a game played by young adults. Who would behave that way?

Maybe someone slipped and fell getting out of the shower, perhaps while entangled in a lurid love affair, perhaps even with multiple suitors simultaneously? Perhaps Mr.Clause took the early flight home from San Diego only to find Ms. Clause in such a compromising position, in the very act of coitus? Perhaps he briefly even sympathized with her desperate pleas for attention and her need for sexual satisfaction until a 5th suitor rang the doorbell, minimizing his arousal and sending him into a blind rage that ended tin the senseless murder of others as well as the final ending to his own book. This doorbell was now in my sights, the same round piece of plastic which triggered his Pavlovian urge to kill his beloved was about to be pressed by...me.

As I approached the the driveway, I dismissed all of nonsensical thoughts in my heard. A man wouldn't commit murder? That's absurd. A woman however, may have been scorned and therefore capable of any devilish deed. She found his phone, and in it contained graphic images of his female assistant, pictures in various forms of undress, even genitalia. The background you ask? The office supply room, his desk, and even a hotel room. "My God" she thought. It's over. My marriage is over!" Until she she saw another. The other woman was in HER bed! Yeah, it's over, but not just the marriage. Maybe she starved him while keeping in captivity through the holiday season. Perhaps Santa was just a front--a simplistic attempt to keep busy families of her trail. She had been driven slowly insane, losing all track of time through this capture. Although she was unaware, he, Santa Clause, remains the ever vigilant guardian of her keeper's palace of horrors. Perhaps I was about to bring her back to reality?

As I entered the property and noticed the unkempt lawn and payed close attention to the the steady hum coming from the Santa inflatable. Growing up in the Rocky Mountains, it reminded me of a wood-chipper, the same machine that stole the summers of my youth and the hand of my best friend, Alton McGee. A dull, consistent bzzzzzz.

I made my way to door, it grew louder. I could hear my heart beat grow, a lump grew in my throat, my fists instinctively clenched. Ring. Wait. Ring again, wait. Knock. Wait. No sign of a dog. No sign of any life. The blinds looks temporary, and fully closed in every visible window, though it's been at least 4 years since they owner bought the house. What can be behind these plywood, drywall, and brick. What Damn You, WHAT! It appeared nothing. I waited a few more minutes and then turned around to further investigate the property.

Shortly after, I approached gentleman living two door down washing his vehicle. I engaged him in conversation. "Hey, I'm ghostfacedisller, I live over there. what's up with the Santa, do you know if they're okay?"

The man replies that he had not noticed the Santa, though it's been standing tall for at least 6 weeks and is at least 6 feet tall itself. When I pointed it out, he concurred it was unusual and he had not seen his neighbor in some time. He agreed to keep an "eye" on the place. While this dullard, seemed friendly enough, I will return at night for further recon. In the meantime, I'm relaxing my nerves with Everclear and Dr. Pepper.

TLDR; I knocked on the door no one was home. I met a neighbor who had not noticed but thought it was weird.
This post was edited on 2/17/14 at 6:54 pm
Posted by The Bruce
Member since Dec 2013
951 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:48 pm to
Posted by StripedSaint
Member since Jun 2011
2385 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:49 pm to
Christ, that is long.
Posted by AmosMosesAndTwins
Lake Charles
Member since Apr 2010
18360 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:51 pm to
Tl;read last three paragraphs
Posted by Ed Osteen
Member since Oct 2007
58413 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:52 pm to
Well you really wasted your time trying to channel your inner fr33.

Who the hell drinks everclear and dr. pepper?
Posted by shawnlsu
Member since Nov 2011
23682 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:55 pm to
Meh, so much anticipation for such a letdown. Kinda like Smokey and the Bandit 2.
A for effort though
Posted by chalupa
Member since Jan 2011
6827 posts
Posted on 2/17/14 at 5:56 pm to
I know you had expectations to live up to for your thread, but that was a bit much. Just cut to the point next time. Leave all the dumb shite out.

Keep us updated though. Interesting story. Maybe it's time to call the police?
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