re: What is your most memorable co-worker quitting story?

Big surprise coming from you.

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We peed in all the dough prepped for the next day and went to work for another pizza chain the next day.

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I love you

Not much in the way of quitting stories. There are few of those.

I had a really sexy girl call me to quit a month into her gig. A new grad, she was hesitant and then informed that she talked it over with her mom and dad and they decided it wasn't the best fit for her because her sorority girlfriends from school had get-togethers every Tuesday and Thursday evening.

I once received an email from a guy who went MIA. He claimed that on his way to work a few days earlier, he got a flat on I-95 and while changing it, his leg was in the roadway as a car passed by, running that leg right over at eighty MPH. He said he would need a leave of absence for a few weeks to let it heal, though it was thankfully not broken.

I've got some great stories about fired people.

I work at a restraunt part time and the first week we were open some guy named Travis got pissed for some reason and tried to break a peppermill over his knee(like a baseball bat) and failed, so he unscrewed it and poured all the peppercorns on the ground and walked out the emergency exit setting the alarm off.

To this day no one knows what set him off, we can't find him on facebook or anything.

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I've got some great stories about fired people.

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Go on...

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Worked in the car business 3 years, where turnover is ridiculous and they hire anyone with a pulse.

The most memorable guy was an old bastard that served in Vietnam and made sure everyone knew it. He routinely brought his knife to work to cut some nasty white and green shite off of his foot in the parking lot in front of customers. Once I heard a customer tell him that they didn't like his attitude and they were going to look at dealerships in Baton Rouge. He replied with "Like I give a shite."

I decided to joke on him one day, and asked what he thought of gay people. He replied "Do you mean those fricking queers? They are worse than the ..." That led him in to a 20 minute speech about how terrible the gays and blacks are and how they are ruining America.

Some time later, I made a joke about a different co-worker fricking their cousin in earshot of this old guy. He comes out of nowhere to tell me how he fricked his first cousin and it was the best pussy he ever had.

When the inevitable happened and it was time for him to be fired, he was brought in to a small room with the GM and assistant GMs. Every racial and homophobic insult known to man was thrown at these guys by a 140 pound old geezer. He then proceeded to threaten the GMs with Nam era guerrilla warfare, flicked them all the bird, told customers in the showroom that the GM was a piece of shite and then we never heard from him again.

Just kidding, it is the car business and he was hired a week or two later at a different dealer.

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I got fired for not coming in on my day off

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How the heck you gonna' get fired on your day off?

Earlier this year an outside Salesman for a NOLA area construction firm drove his company pickup (no OnStar or equivalent-equipped) to the Airport, parked it in the parking garage, walked inside to the American Airlines counter, bought a one-way ticket to Orlando with the company credit card and never looked back.

The company found the truck a couple of weeks later.

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Go on

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Here's a few off the top of my head.

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A guy that I worked with was fired so that his boss could take his job upon receiving a demotion so that his deferred compensation plan would roll over another year. His boss made a few hundred grand on the deal and then quit himself. It was a huge cocksucker move.

I go in on a Saturday to do a few things and the guy they fired (I liked him) is in there stealing everything out of the office. When I found him, he was at the postage machine pre-stamping blank envelopes, hundreds of them, and packing them in boxes. He took dry erase markers and drew dick pics on every window of the office and pissed on his old desk which his old boss would be taking. I asked him to leave my shite alone and told him I never saw anything.

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I knew a guy that worked for our company out on the West Coast - company fires him on a Thursday and forgets to shut down his email. He was well-known guy that was really good at his job, but was hated universally. They got into a dick measuring contest and he got the axe. The guy was livid, and he let it be known. From his blackberry (back in the day) he puts together a scathing email of epic proportion that I wish I could post. It was a good few thousand words.

In this email he details countless stories of doing blow with his bosses, fricking hookers, management affairs, company incentive trips, the whole nine. He names names, many of them. He whistle-blows on fraud and threatens litigation. This email was sent to not only the entire company, but also to all of his clients, some of which include the government.

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I sat witness to another firing in a city that I was traveling to for work. There was nobody left in the office so this manager asks me if I will witness his firing of this underperforming new grad. frick, I agree to it.

We go in and this cat has fired many heads so he is unemotional and expert. He delivers his fifteen second elevator firing and the guy just stands up, grabs his junk like Beetlejuice -nice frickin model- and tells his boss he will always have a little dick which is why he is so good at firing people. We both laughed, the boss was not impressed.

The kid signs his stuff. He is calm, straight-faced and seems unbothered so the manager turns about and walks him to his desk to clean it out. I'm detached now, I go back to this cube that I was working in and they are small talking, boss is offering a reference, etc. The cubes are half cubes so very low partitions creating visibility unobstructed, I'm in one across the room.

"Yo" - the kid yells.
I look up, the kid makes eye contact with me across the room, cocks back, and unloads a nasty sucker punch on his boss, drops him, picks up his shite and bounces.

I took a transfer to start a new location in a new market. I was told that they would give me everything to succeed. Everything was a total lie, i got stuck with a 70 yr old yard manager w dementia who we were unable to fire due to age discrimination. Higher ups wouldnt do a thing, told me to deal with it. Before I left I made sure that all of my clients knew what was going on and how horribly managed the company was. My regional manager was quite literally the dumbest redneck i have ever worked with. Oh, and he is an Alabama grad