re: What is the weirdest thing you've ever seen at your job?

The auto mechanics teacher I worked with drove around in a work van with a pair of vise-grips as a steering wheel.

I've seen it all. I've seen coworkers shite themselves (elderly man who no one had the heart to fire) to and being told which furniture to sit on because the chances are the furniture was covered in semen. I'll leave it at that.

For another job and I wasn't there for this but I'll share it anyway. A woman who belonged to our gym was divorced. She did not take it very well. She got drunk and pooped in the women's hot tube and ran to the top of the stairs and started screaming how all men should be castrated. She was removed.

I didn't see it, it was more of an experience, but on my first job, I got to work on a Monday morning (I remember coming from a weekend). I was the 2nd person to arrive, the first person was the boss. He told me that my co-worker (i was in a department with 3 people) wouldn't be coming in today.. or ever because he murdered someone the night before. He was a good kid, but someone had been messing with him. One day he came in to work all bandaged up and told us he got into a motorcycle wreck, about a week later he committed the murder, but we learned there was no wreck, the guy he shot beat the shite out of this. We even found a filled out gun permit in his desk, but evidently he wanted a gun ASAP.

There was one time I worked with this guy who somehow got pictures of a coworker, who use to be a stripper, stripping. No one knew she was once a stripper, but she sent him her pictures only if he promised to not show anyone. The dumbass ended up showing several people, it got back to her, she reported him & they ended up finding a bunch of porn on his work laptop as well & he got fired. Then about two weeks later I think the stripper girl was let go. She worked in another department so not sure exactly what happened but she wasn't working for much longer after she reported the guy showing her picture.

Another story involving porn. There was this guy who was two cubicles over from me. I never had to pass by him, but one of the girls who worked with us would have to pass by him at times. One day I heard her say "SERIOUSLY? This isn't the first time I saw you looking at it, but thats just disgusting. I am sorry but I am reporting you" Right after lunch two HR reps were standing by his desk while he packed his shite up.

A kid shite himself and wiped it on the wall.

A kid came crying to me that a girl had asked to suck his dick




This is 3rd grade btw

When I was working offshore we had a guy not show up for shift. After searching the entire ship we got the keys to his room from the Capt.
When we opened the door to his stateroom we found him naked, slumped forward on his knees, with his belt around his neck, and was dead as a hammer. He had it attached to a nail on the top bunk.
The weirdest part was when his wife was notified she said she always told him he would end up killing himself doing that freaky shite.
Erotic asphyxiation can lead to a killer hand job I suppose. Worst part is the family got a huge settlement from the whole ordeal.

Accounts payable lady being taken out of office in handcuffs. She stole money and sold controlled substances. I hated that bitch.

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking down the hall behind a couple of coworkers. The woman asked the man "You smell so nice. What kind of cologne is that?" The man responded that he didn't wear cologne - it was AXE body spray.

I felt bad for both of them.

Weirdest: an employee and a member walked into a small office, closed the door, had sex, then walked out as if no one knew what had happened. It wasn't weird per se, but I bet they were weirded out when we all stared at them.

Grossest: a shite trail going into the women's bathroom, leading up to the stall, then on the toilet. We were told to clean it up and a buddy of mine said "I bet the underwear are in the trash can." Sure enough, they were. Pooped in and all.

Biggest smh: when an assistant manager used to close the store, he and his wife would load up his van with "free" groceries.

One night in the barracks. I was with group of about five of us sitting on two bunks next to each other. We were polishing our boots and shooting the shite. This was a little before lights out. One guy elbows me and motions for me to look a couple bunks over. I look and see a guy in his bunk under his blanket. The fact he was under his blanket was odd because nobody ever messed up their blanket because we didn't have enough time in the mornings to make them up before we had to fall out for PT. but what was more odd was what he was doing. There he was, eyes closed, head back, mouth agape, and beating it like it had stolen something... Right there in the middle of the barracks with everyone around and lights on. This was around week 9 or 10 of OSUT. Guess the guy reached his breaking point and couldn't hold back any longer. We just left him alone to his business.

Had a guy tell me he hadn't had a hard on since 94... And he was dead serious... I still can't believe I didn't laugh out loud