War of 1812 Isnt' Discussed Enough (Drunk History with jimbeam Installment 01?)

Quick history lesson from the beverage that brought you BOURBON AND COKE


So the Brits be fighting the Frenchies round 1800 or so, right? Right.

Then Britain be like "oh no you guys can't be sendin shite to France."
Round this SAME. TIME. the British be like "yo, american traitors, come on ma ship dog."

and the americans were all like "na ninja, i'm good."

and Britain was all like "nah we comin, and you comin with us."


America was like "oh my god becky, if one of these bitches unfriends the other on facebook, i will like totally put them on my myspace top friends list." and becky was all like "you go girl." France goes "aw shite mayne. hell yeah. i'm in."

Britain, US, off each other's myspace top friends list.

Bout the same time, america bought some crappy arse land called "louisiana", mainly for all the rice and roux everyone kept talking bout.


But some of this land was next to some NATIVE AMERICAN land, and the British were like "hey Tecumseh. we'll help yo arse." and then some of the US head honchos all like "TO ARMS."


America marched they asses into canada to get some Crown Royal for their 7 up.

but the british and feathers were like nah ninja.


The british then came runnin they asses down and took detroit, and the city hasnt recovered since.


Then the US navy beat dat british arse in the great lakes in the Battle of the arse Beating in the Great Lakes.

The americans took back detroit and were all like "daaaaaamn look this shite hole."


Same time, the Americans kill tecumseh. RIP. Let's take a second here to pause and reflect.





BACK TO YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION
The British were all like "wanna play big boy shite? we'll put all our little boats in front of your lawn and block any shite from goin inside."


Round this same time, the french lost their war (surprisingly, NOT).


British were all like "YEEEAAAHHH we got them american honkies now.


landed some red asses in chesapeake bay.


Took washington DC, burned down the white house, where it was black for short period of time (due to the fire idiots).

In the south, andrew jackson be beating up on them Indians and taking ALLLL kinds of land.


Hadn't forgotten about you New England.


British couldn't take new york and baltimore (ha. noobs). Round this time some yung rapper was grindin hard y'know and wrote up this lyrical masterpiece we been singin before football games ever since. No way this gem would ever lead to controversy in any way.


A british dude was like "maaaaan frick dis shite. lets go to NOLA and hit bourbon street." And then some other british brotha was like "Yes. Let us depart at once."

and all them St. George baws were like "ha. nola's a shithole. all that crime, statues, it's a shithole. but it's our shithole."


UNBEKNOWNST to the YATS, the war was already over assholes. Still, went all Sonic up in that bitch and served up a ripe knuckle sandwich to the RedCoats.


And that's how we ended up with Cantrell as mayor



Thanks guys. I'll hang up and listen.