Trashiest thing you did all week

I let your mom give me a BJ

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I mowed my back yard but only weedeated half of it.

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That would drive me crazy. I'd have to get struck by lightening to be almost done with the yard and stop.

I successfully turned $9 into $5 using scratchers

After I got done with your Mom, I went to the bank. The ATM wasn’t working. So, I had to back out of the ATM and pull up to the window and write a fricking check to get cash. My kid had left the empty plastic bag from a freeze pop in the front seat of my ride. So, as the teller turned her back to go figure out how to cash a check, I threw that fricking freeze pop wrapper out of my window onto the ground.

Suck my balls, Bank. Fix your fricking ATM. It’s been down all week.

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I didn’t wipe down gym equipment after I used it.

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That is disgusting. People like you are the reason I carry Clorox wipes in my gym bag.

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I took a shite on the side of the interstate

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This you, baw?

Google Maps

Wore my jeans tucked into my boots all day Monday.

Pee’d in the pool.

Flicked boogers on the wall again while pissing in a public stall.