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Started By
Message
Time To Lighten Up the Mood...Give your best humor!
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:33 pm
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:33 pm
With all the negative things going on day after day, how about we lighten the mood with a little humor.
I'll go first...
I feel bad for the homeless guy...but I really feel bad for the homeless guy's dog. He must be thinking, Man, this is the longest walk ever!
Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
Women only call me "ugly" until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me "ugly and poor"!
What would The Jetsons be called if they were Black?
The Jetsons...you racist bastard!
I'll go first...
I feel bad for the homeless guy...but I really feel bad for the homeless guy's dog. He must be thinking, Man, this is the longest walk ever!
Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
Women only call me "ugly" until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me "ugly and poor"!
What would The Jetsons be called if they were Black?
The Jetsons...you racist bastard!
29
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:35 pm to Lutcher Lad
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:35 pm to Lutcher Lad
Those crows are calling my name, thought Caw.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:39 pm to Lutcher Lad
There was a Roman Emperor named Pupianus.
He was a shitty emperor
He was a shitty emperor
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:40 pm to Abstract Queso Dip
What is the difference between Ironman and ironwoman?
Ironman is a super hero….ironwoman is a command.
Ironman is a super hero….ironwoman is a command.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:40 pm to Lutcher Lad
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid!
My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:40 pm to Lutcher Lad
What’s the square root of 69?
8 something
8 something
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:41 pm to Abstract Queso Dip
There's a doctor with a clinic in the city where he performs mostly mammograms to screen for cancer.
One day, a girl comes in for her exam and takes her shirt off. She has an H imprinted on her chest, and the doctor asks "what is that?"
The girl replies "my boyfriend went to Harvard and when we make love, he wears his Harvard sweatshirt and it imprints on my chest." The doctor laughs it off and finishes the exam.
His next patient arrives, takes off her shirt, and has a giant T on her chest. He asks her what it is and she replies "my boyfriend went to Texas and when we make love, he wears his Texas sweatshirt, and it imprints on my chest."
The doctor laughs it off again and finishes the exam.
A third patient comes in, takes her shirt off, and reveals a giant M on her chest. The doctor says "let me guess, your boyfriend went to Michigan and when you make love, he wears his Michigan sweatshirt and it imprints on your chest."
The girl replies "no,
my girlfriend went to Washington."
One day, a girl comes in for her exam and takes her shirt off. She has an H imprinted on her chest, and the doctor asks "what is that?"
The girl replies "my boyfriend went to Harvard and when we make love, he wears his Harvard sweatshirt and it imprints on my chest." The doctor laughs it off and finishes the exam.
His next patient arrives, takes off her shirt, and has a giant T on her chest. He asks her what it is and she replies "my boyfriend went to Texas and when we make love, he wears his Texas sweatshirt, and it imprints on my chest."
The doctor laughs it off again and finishes the exam.
A third patient comes in, takes her shirt off, and reveals a giant M on her chest. The doctor says "let me guess, your boyfriend went to Michigan and when you make love, he wears his Michigan sweatshirt and it imprints on your chest."
The girl replies "no,
my girlfriend went to Washington."
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:41 pm to Abstract Queso Dip
By Jack Handey. I remember watching that episode of SNL as a kid.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 6:43 pm to Lutcher Lad
It's not really my best, but...
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:00 pm to Lutcher Lad
Thank you and goodnight.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:04 pm to Lutcher Lad
They say my uncle has the heart of a lion...
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo
Why was 6 scared of 7??
Because 7 was a registered sex offender
You've really got to hand it to blind prostitutes ....
Say what you want about deaf people....
What do you get from a dwarf cow??
Condensed milk
All I know is I couldn't stand being in a wheelchair
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo
Why was 6 scared of 7??
Because 7 was a registered sex offender
You've really got to hand it to blind prostitutes ....
Say what you want about deaf people....
What do you get from a dwarf cow??
Condensed milk
All I know is I couldn't stand being in a wheelchair
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:08 pm to Lutcher Lad
These are fricking lame.
I've heard this one many times but with a different answer.
quote:
What would The Jetsons be called if they were Black?
The Jetsons...you racist bastard!
I've heard this one many times but with a different answer.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:10 pm to Lutcher Lad
What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?
gum.
gum.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:12 pm to OweO
when r u starting ur ban?
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:12 pm to OweO
CHRIS
WE WARNED YOU
WE WARNED YOU
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:12 pm to Lutcher Lad
They say men are 3 times more likely to say “I love you.”
But don’t worry ladies, we don’t mean it.
But don’t worry ladies, we don’t mean it.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:14 pm to Lutcher Lad
OP look in your pants
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:14 pm to Kafka
You sound like a fricking nerd when you say that shite.
Posted on 8/30/22 at 7:14 pm to OweO
Yo mama so lame she called me up to ask me what my phone number be.
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