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re: Terrible twos - when will it end?
Posted on 9/3/17 at 11:30 pm to saintforlife1
Posted on 9/3/17 at 11:30 pm to saintforlife1
Get on board with your wife. If she takes care of him 75% of the time, all you're doing is undermining her. That isn't fair to her, for one.
2, things are black and white with kids right now and your word has to be the law. There can very varying degrees of tone, associated with this. But in certain situations, They need to know they have to listen to you no matter what. Example: If they get away from you in a parking lot, they better damn well not have a thought in their head whether they're going to listen when you tell them to stop.
Like others have said, establish the rules, establish the boundaries, explain to them afterwards or later. But, in our house (2½ year old), the only thing a tantrum gets you is in trouble.
2, things are black and white with kids right now and your word has to be the law. There can very varying degrees of tone, associated with this. But in certain situations, They need to know they have to listen to you no matter what. Example: If they get away from you in a parking lot, they better damn well not have a thought in their head whether they're going to listen when you tell them to stop.
Like others have said, establish the rules, establish the boundaries, explain to them afterwards or later. But, in our house (2½ year old), the only thing a tantrum gets you is in trouble.
0
Posted on 9/3/17 at 11:39 pm to dbeck
quote:.
I figure by that time the parents have retired and moved 3 states away though.
I love em ... I do but ... I'm thinking at least 5 states away. I hate cold but I'm starting to think maybe Alaska??
Posted on 9/3/17 at 11:41 pm to saintforlife1
quote:
She wants to be unyielding and hold her ground which just makes the meltdowns even worse, but I think sometimes you have to give in and try to have a conversation with the kid, no matter how futile.
DO NOT "GIVE IN"
--If nobody gives in, eventually he'll realize he's not getting what he wants. Or he'll get tired and the tantrum will stop.
--Trying to have a conversation with or reason with a 2 year old (especially one who is tired and cranky) is like trying to reason with a dog. Yes, over time you can train a dog to do what you want, but it's not going to do it immediately, and definitely not if you give in and tell it "let's talk about this". Kids that age don't know why they do the shite they do. They are still trying to learn how to express themselves and sometimes, frustration/fatigue/etc is manifested in a tantrum.
Kids need structure and consistency. *This action* leads to *this consequence*, every single time, from BOTH of you.
Posted on 9/3/17 at 11:55 pm to Dorothy
well said.
Posted on 9/3/17 at 11:59 pm to saintforlife1
Just like a standard transmission. They just shift gears til about 5. As with many others already wait til 3. Oh lawd.....
Posted on 9/4/17 at 12:21 am to saintforlife1
Put your foot down and let her know you rule the house. Sounds dickish but I'm serious.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 12:34 am to saintforlife1
you know, call me old fashioned, but I paid really good attention when my dad whipped my arse with his belt
I learned real quick not to do that again
I learned real quick not to do that again
Posted on 9/4/17 at 12:47 am to saintforlife1
Children need 3 things:
Love
Discipline
Routine/structure
The discipline is always almost a crap shoot. For mine I had simple rules; basically it was, disrespect would get your arse whipped.
Not cleaning room/playing nice with others or some other "just wont listen" action would result in some sort of loss of privileges.
Worked for me
Love
Discipline
Routine/structure
The discipline is always almost a crap shoot. For mine I had simple rules; basically it was, disrespect would get your arse whipped.
Not cleaning room/playing nice with others or some other "just wont listen" action would result in some sort of loss of privileges.
Worked for me
Posted on 9/4/17 at 2:28 am to saintforlife1
When you kick them out of the house at the age of eighteen!!!
Posted on 9/4/17 at 4:26 am to saintforlife1
2 yr old and 6 month old check in. They are driving me nuts. Wife still wants a third. I want a vasactomy
Posted on 9/4/17 at 4:53 am to MSTiger33
You all need to learn how to make the hair on the back of their necks stand up from the sound of a belt zipping through belt loops.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 5:12 am to saintforlife1
quote:yeah - you should just follow her lead.
She is the strict one, but sometimes I feel unreasonably so. She wants to be unyielding and hold her ground which just makes the meltdowns even worse, but I think sometimes you have to give in and try to have a conversation with the kid, no matter how futile. Wife sometimes starts crying saying she can't handle him and me both and that I just need to follow her lead. Maybe that is what I will end up doing. Just bite my tongue and let her set the tone.
quote:Yeah you should REALLY just follow her lead.
I think one of the issues is she spends the most time with him in the evenings. Both she and I work and I drop him off at daycare in the mornings and don't come home till 7:00-8:00. So she is dealing with his tantrums most evenings after she picks him up from daycare.
quote:Yeah you should ABSOLUTELY follow her lead.
She is works a full time job as a software developer, cooks for us and takes care of him 75% of the time.
honest answer? "terrible twos" end when they are around 4 years old. you won't be able to reason with them until then.
Whatever you do do it calmly even discipline. if you and your wife are getting upset in front of the kid and yelling then it's prolly just scaring and confusing him. what isn't confusing is if mom and dad got this shite on lock down and calmly tell him yes, no, maybe and follow through on it.
Think about every prison movie you ever saw. Was the warden freaking out/yelling/crying on a daily basis or was he calmly in charge telling the guards how to run the inmates?
Your wife = the warden
You = guard
Kid = Andy Duphresne
This post was edited on 9/4/17 at 6:50 am
Posted on 9/4/17 at 5:26 am to drexyl
My dad was the disciplinarian. Just like a horse, a kid has to be broken. They have to know the parent is the one in charge, there to love, nurture and take care of them. I thought my dad was so mean as a child, but as an adult, he is the person I respect most. You aren't your child's friend, you are trying to raise a decent person. Put your feelings aside and do your job. And communicate with your wife.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:31 am to saintforlife1
You've mentioned some concerning things in this thread.
1) I know finances are tough for many people, but what is your financial situation? What's your standard of living?
When you drop a kid off early in the morning and pick him up at 7, he's exhausted by the time he comes home. He hasn't seen you. He's been away from the people that truly love him for a long time, and kids that age just want to be loved and explore the world. I would imagine you and your wife are exhausted as well, so everyone's nerves are rattled before anything happens to cause a tantrum.
Is there any way to adjust your schedules? Say one of you drops him off at 10am and the other picks up at 4?
2) You've gotta get on the same page as parents. It sounds like she's the more responsible one in the team (she cooks and disciplines most of the time?). Try lending her more of a helping hand and see if that softens her up for discussions about how to parent.
3) Don't worry too much about discipline at that age. You'll have some here disagree and suggest spanking or being firm, but two year olds cannot reason like that. They aren't going to come to a logical conclusion about why you're right and their wrong. Redirect if he's doing something you don't want him to do. Plan activities for him so he's not coming home unaware of what he's allowed to do. Get him enough sleep and make sure his diet is good. Guarantee you'll see less tantrums.
1) I know finances are tough for many people, but what is your financial situation? What's your standard of living?
When you drop a kid off early in the morning and pick him up at 7, he's exhausted by the time he comes home. He hasn't seen you. He's been away from the people that truly love him for a long time, and kids that age just want to be loved and explore the world. I would imagine you and your wife are exhausted as well, so everyone's nerves are rattled before anything happens to cause a tantrum.
Is there any way to adjust your schedules? Say one of you drops him off at 10am and the other picks up at 4?
2) You've gotta get on the same page as parents. It sounds like she's the more responsible one in the team (she cooks and disciplines most of the time?). Try lending her more of a helping hand and see if that softens her up for discussions about how to parent.
3) Don't worry too much about discipline at that age. You'll have some here disagree and suggest spanking or being firm, but two year olds cannot reason like that. They aren't going to come to a logical conclusion about why you're right and their wrong. Redirect if he's doing something you don't want him to do. Plan activities for him so he's not coming home unaware of what he's allowed to do. Get him enough sleep and make sure his diet is good. Guarantee you'll see less tantrums.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:34 am to saintforlife1
Just wait until he's a threenager you will long for the terrible twos.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:41 am to saintforlife1
Relish this time with your son. He will turn into an a-hole when he's a teenager.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:44 am to saintforlife1
I feel for you brother. I would read over the replies to your second post and heed their advice.
You and your wife will be fine but you should definitely tow her line. At least until you're around a lot more.
The shawshank analogy was great.
You and your wife will be fine but you should definitely tow her line. At least until you're around a lot more.
The shawshank analogy was great.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:44 am to saintforlife1
quote:
We have a 23 month old boy (our first one) that is currently going through terrible temper tantrums almost on a daily basis. Wife and I disagree completely on how to deal with it. It is putting a lot of stress on our marriage. We rarely fought before we had him and now we fight daily.
Put the kid up for adoption then go back to being happy. Maybe try again for a better kid in a couple years
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:45 am to saintforlife1
You've gotten some good advice in this thread.
Support your wife. Based on your description, she is in the right not you. Regardless, you can't undermine her.
Second, you cannot reason w a two year old.
Support your wife. Based on your description, she is in the right not you. Regardless, you can't undermine her.
Second, you cannot reason w a two year old.
Posted on 9/4/17 at 6:46 am to saintforlife1
quote:
Wife and I disagree completely on how to deal with it. It is putting a lot of stress on our marriage. We rarely fought before we had him and now we fight daily.
This is more your problem than the child. You need to sit down and figure this out.
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