re: Taking the car keys away from your parents

My mom is 65 and hasn't driven in several years because her peripheral vision in her left eye is gone basically. She was more than happy to stop driving lol. My dad is going to be the problem when it gets to that point which I hope is a very long way away.

Rip the band aid off. Disable the car, do not help getting it fixed. My mother wouldn't stop driving and finally had a pretty bad accident. Luckily no one was hurt but the state was willing to and did renew her license simply based on an eye exam. She could see fine, what she couldn't do was remember what to do while driving like stopping at stop signs. She lived by herself at the time and no one ever rode with her so none of us were ever aware until she had the accident. That has been 10 years ago and every time I visit her she asks me where her car is. I tell its in the driveway and she is happy.

My dad gave it up on his own. He was pretty much normal and healthy when he did so other than his vision had gotten really bad....not bad enough for him to lose his license though because he passed the eye exam 4 years ago and still has a valid Georgia drivers license. It was bad enough that he was uncomfortable driving. I always figured he had come close to having a really bad accident and that drove him to giving it up but whatever the case he did so on his without anyone having to intervene. Unfortunately he has shown an indication to do the same thing with other aspects of life as he ages like doing physical therapy and winding up in a wheel chair because he gave up. He has done it again recently and refused to eat or drink anything for about a week because his throat was irritated from radiation treatments....and it did indeed hurt him but he simply refused to be uncomfortable at all. I admired him for years for giving up driving so easily but I have about come to the conclusion that just giving up may be in his nature which is not a good thing when you are old.

My mother in law died before she stopped driving. She was dangerous at any speed like a Corvair and Ralph Nader. She was dangerous in her 50s and I have no doubt would have eventually taken out a school bus or something if she hadn't died before the opportunity presented itself. My wife and BIL broached the subject with her...giving up driving. She wasn't having it. Gave up her license but continued to drive as much and as badly as ever. Lied about driving constantly for 10 years after giving up her license....even when she was caught red handed by one of us pulling into the driveway or showing up at dinner by herself and her old Caddy in the parking lot she would swear she hadn't driven, get in it in front of us and drive off....and swear she did no such thing. She did not have dementia...she just wasn't having anyone, her kids, their spouse, her grandkids or the state of Georgia telling her she could not drive.

My FIL lost his vision completely in his late 50s due to a genetic condition that is pretty rare. He did not drive BUT he would back the car out of the garage and into the street for his wife LOL. He did it the day he went to the hospital and was dead 2 days later.

And for a sort of related feel good story. My wife's uncle lost his vision at 60 but was otherwise healthy...actually a ladies man LOL. Had wealthy girlfriends all over the country. He and I were out riding around in New Mexico one afternoon, just smoking a cigar and shooting the shite when he said "you know I miss driving a car more than anything". We were in the middle of nowhere on a paved 2 lane road that was straight as an arrow and if you left the road way it would only be bumpy for miles in any direction, absolutely nothing to hit. I asked him what he would give to drive again and he said everything he had. I pulled over and told him he owed me everything he had 'cause he was going to drive us back to the highway. You wouldn't think a blind mans eyes could glow but his did....had a smile from ear to ear....I had to help him around to the drivers side...the man was blind....but he knew instinctively where the steering wheel and peddles were....I got back in and off we went. I would occasionally tell him to turn a little or that a curve was coming up by unbelivably he did pretty well. He got up to about 50 miles an hour and more or less kept it on the pavement. I don't know that I have ever seen a grown man grinning like that. Windows down, nice evening...it was damn near perfect. He drove about 10 miles and when we got close to the 4 lane I asked him if he wanted to take it home and he said "hell no you crazy son of a bitch I am blind". We swapped places, went home, and he told anyone who would listen that I let him drive again. My wife was slightly pissed about it but after a few minutes realized how completely happy and satisfied he was at the moment all was forgiven. He died abouit 10 years later but he never spoke to me again when he didn't ask when we were going driving again!

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We didn't catch it until pops was pretty far gone, cognitively. He did sneak off and try to buy another car, though.

Do it soon. Nothing is more expensive than regret

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My father in law died of lung, throat and stomach cancer....was in horrible shape the last few months he was alive. He was blind as bat for the last 15 years of his life. A week before he went to the hospital for the last time he went out and bought, with nothing down and 60 easy payments, a brand new Lincoln town car. He bought the life insurance with it. Went to his grave thinking he had gotten over on the insurance company and his wife would have a brand new lincoln for no money at all. Of course the policy had to be in effect for some period more than a week so she wound up paying for the car but I am certain that at least one of his last thoughts revolved around his getting one over on an insurance company LOL.

I volunteer at the local food bank on Thursday afternoons. One of our "clients," an older black lady, was picking up several sacks of groceries to deliver to shut ins. As she drove off, one of the other volunteers said "she's 97 years old."

Welp just had the talk with Dad after a Dr visit.

Thanks all. Great advice on this thread and it helped.

Seeing my Dad, a friggin rock for 80 years, sitting dejectedly at the counter as he processed everything was pretty brutal.

This sucks. We’ll see how it goes.

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They get pissed when we won’t let them take the kids places.

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just make sure you gots good UM coverage.

It’s terrible. I was researching involuntary commitment when my stepfather ran his car across Airline and got T-Boned and died later that day. A year or so later I got a call from the sheriff to come pick up mom from downtown BR where she had gotten lost. I took away her car several times, and she would uber over to my house and steal it back. I sold two of her cars w my POA, and she would go buy a new one. I enlisted the help of her doctor and took her for a driving evaluation at BR Rehab. Both times when they told her she couldn’t drive, she got furious and walked out. Finally I had to go pick her up in Belle Chasse and I hid her car, and refused to tell her where it was. She ran up my Uber bill and bitched at me about the car constantly, then quit paying the note and insurance, but she couldn’t buy a new car. Hopefully your mom isn’t as intransigent.

The evaluation by BR Rehab is abt $400, but if your mom listens to professionals, it might be worth it.

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edit: Her doctor agreed to be the bad guy. She's listens to authority figures better than us

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My mother smoked since she was a teenager. No amount of our pleading would get her to stop until a bad case of the flu put her in the hospital. The youngish female doctor who was examining her asked, almost as an afterthought, if she was a smoker. When my mother replied yes, the doctor said "Oh honey, not anymore you aren't." She never picked up another cigarette.

About to have the same issue with my mother in law. She drove to Walmart last week and forgot where she parked. The battery in her key fob was dead so she couldn't use the clicker to find it. Store manager said he noticed her couple of times wondering around the parking lot for almost an hour. Luckily the Pharmacist recognized her and brought her inside and called my wife She was 90 minutes away at work. After taking the keys, the next step will be her moving in with us.

The woman who inherited the house next door (who would introduce herself with "Everyone says I'm crazy") had been such a bad driver that the state police came and took her drivers license away. But earlier she had found the one she had lost and gotten a replacement and they only took the replacement license. She proudly showed folks that she still had a license and used it daily.
Don't underestimate some of the elderly who are crazy like a fox.