re: Taking the car keys away from your parents

I can’t wait till I get old. Can be a total dick to people and just pass it off as dementia. Have people drive you around. Maybe getting in a retirement home and frick some fellow geriatrics. I don’t know what everyone is so afraid of.

Grandfather drove to the post office. Called my grandmother a little while later and said he locked the keys in the car. my grandmother was busy and my aunt was at the house. She sent my aunt to just pick him up and they would worry about the car later. Well the next day my dad and I went to get the spare key and headed to the PO to pick up the car. The car was still there, door unlocked, engine running. Had been Idling all night. He just got confused and went inside, used the phone (small town PO) and got picked up. Nobody thought to check the car. He gave up the keys pretty easily when he realized what was going on.

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My mother in law is in the early phases of dementia and doesn't need to be driving anymore. Her driving is starting to get very bad, but she refuses to admit it. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation. Tips from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. Mean and sarcastic tips are also welcome.

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My dad did not due to family politics, and my grandmother almost killed herself, her friend, and the car in front of her when she didn't stop. Poor friend at 85 had broken ribs, which easily could have been a death sentence at that age. I don't have advice, just saying you're doing the right thing.

Went to same thing with father-in-law. He had a couple accidents including a left-hand turn that totaled both vehicles. Claimed he had a green arrow - the light didn't even have a green arrow. His kids hid the keys for a while. He eventually stopped asking.

My dad has started to decline in to dementia over the last year or two.

I don't live in BR so I don't get to see how bad it's getting as often as my mom does. I was there last weekend visiting and it scared and saddened me. He'll be 85 in November and physically he's healthy as can be. But his memory is failing fast. While I was there I could really see signs of it.

For instance, he ran to Walmart Friday night to get milk. He lives in Central and his house backs up to Walmart. He left and found his way there, then called my mom because he couldn't remember what he was there to buy. She reminded him that it was milk. Then she had to talk him through the process of finding the milk, picking out the correct brand, and size. I couldn't believe my ears.

Second example: I got home late Saturday night from watching the LSU game with some buddies and my parents were still up. They told me that Trump had bombed Iran's nuclear plants. They were excited about it.

The next morning my dad didn't remember it. As we watched the news that morning he forgot that it had happened four times.

My dad is a smart, educated, logical, competent man. But he's becoming a mental invalid right before our eyes.

It's scary as hell.

My mom says he's still a safe driver but a part of me wonders if she's just saying that because she hates to drive and never does.

I gotta say, I kinda wish it was cancer or some other physical ailment taking him. At least he would still be himself until the end. The man is slowly becoming a stranger. And he KNOWS it. He's scared and frustrated and it's tearing him up.

It's fricking cruel man.

Taking his keys will probably fall on me since I'm the oldest and he won't listen to my mom or my brother.

In a few years, this conversation won’t be necessary with self driving cars.

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Taking the car keys away from your parents

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Someone else not having the balls to do it is the reason why one of my loved ones isn't here anymore.

If it's time, it's time. Don't put yourself in the situation where you have to live with the regret of not acting.

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But his memory is failing fast. While I was there I could really see signs of it.

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This was the first sign that was apparent to us. Our fear was him getting in his car and winding up in a not so great part of town with no idea where he was. He was an easy target for some low life.

His family doctor is aware of his decline, right? Talk it over with him and maybe both of you can sit down with your Dad and address your concerns. And yes, they are valid.

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You really think this is the solution for a someone in mental decline? They’ll end up half way across the country! LOL! If you haven’t been through this…maybe you should take a seat. This a real problem for some of us and it’s a hard decision.

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I’m not saying for folks with dementia that this is a solution. But even so, you can track where the car is and is going and likely will be even to remotely control its destination if you see your dad heading to Vegas. I don’t have to have gone through this to understand where technology is heading. But I have actually gone through it. My grandma was pretty sharp mentally but was always a bad driver. It got worse as she aged so we, like many others, disconnected the fuel pump from the car. Every time I’d visit her she would tell me “you know, I’m going to start driving again.” It was sad. She still lived another 8 years or so and only really went to assisted living the last 2 years.

If your loved one can’t be on their own in public at all because of cognitive decline, then no, obviously they shouldn’t be operating any driverless car and going wherever they want.