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Message
re: So..got in a fight with the wife tonight…
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:00 am to SquatchDawg
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:00 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
Why am I having to deal with this bullshite?
I can't say this with certainty because I don't know you or your wife, but it's not you, depression is a fricking leech.
And not to pile on the cheating possibility, but to add to my earlier post:
"Here's a more detailed explanation:
Depression and Relationship Strain:
Depression can manifest in ways that negatively impact relationships. Individuals with depression may experience emotional withdrawal, difficulty communicating, and a lack of interest in activities, including intimacy with their partner. This can create a sense of distance and dissatisfaction within the relationship, potentially leading to a search for emotional or physical fulfillment outside of the partnership.
Need Fulfillment and Infidelity:
Many people cheat because they feel a lack of fulfillment in their current relationship. This could include unmet needs for intimacy, emotional connection, attention, or self-esteem. Depression can exacerbate these feelings of unmet needs, making individuals more vulnerable to seeking these needs outside of the relationship."
I'm telling you, Baw, those girls trips are really, really bad news.
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 1:02 am
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Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:08 am to ronniep1
She was in therapy before during her mom and dads situation sop so maybe that will work.
ETA: so I guess being drunk on the back porch thinking that you’re DONE with this shite isn’t the best approach?
ETA: so I guess being drunk on the back porch thinking that you’re DONE with this shite isn’t the best approach?
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 1:11 am
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:09 am to SquatchDawg
Dude she’s cheating. 50 is not old.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:12 am to OysterPoBoy
We talking about deleting real social media. Tigerdroppings is a valuable news source for me considering mainstream media is garbage.
What's nice here is that it's filtered news. I don't scroll endlessly through crap. I read TD with my morning coffee and late at night when I can't sleep.
What's nice here is that it's filtered news. I don't scroll endlessly through crap. I read TD with my morning coffee and late at night when I can't sleep.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:14 am to SquatchDawg
Staying married is like riding a roller coaster. You are currently on the downward slope. Keep riding things will improve. Sounds like yall need to sit down and try talking With each other and not to. The girls night out thing is total bull and needs to end.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:21 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
I’ve had this shite in high alert…but she’s so mentally anti-sexual at this point (pre meno) that I would be shocked if she slipped off. But I don’t discount antything at this point.
Anti sexual with you doesn’t mean anti sexual with everyone
I’m not saying this to be an a-hole or make a joke but your situation is likely much worse than you realize. Sounds like she’s cheating
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:33 am to SquatchDawg
I didn't read the whole thread because it is bedtime and shite and I ain't a therapist but I will give you my two cents.
1. I did see people point out her major life changes and losses both parents and getting close to being an empty nester. She is almost certainly clinically depressed. That needs therapy.
2. Don't take this too harshly. You are trying to win an argument when you are arguing two different things. You are arguing about what you see as a stark financial reality. Right now she probably doesn't give two fricks about that since she is in a whole different reality: a dark hole. You need to help and nuture her ability to climb out of the hole not try to drag her out kicking and screaming which has the effect of putting your hand down the hole on the top of her head and pushing down. It may be getting a job is part of her solution but it doesn't come across that way to her now, she hers you are disappointed because she isn't pulling her weight when she doesn't feel like she can even support half of her own weight.
You have to find a way to help her fix the root issue (likely depression) when she is well on that road she can help support the family. Mom needs some help right now and if you have understanding kids they can be part of that too. She needs to know they need her and not because they need a new phone or books but they need their mom. You need to set aside the job issue for now and work on figuring out what SHE needs to start climbing out. Her ladder out of the hole is not the same as your ladder would be and it damn sure isn't you trying to convinve yourself you are right about her going back to work. You know your finances and I will assume your are RIGHT but it is counterproductive trying to be right... right now.
While I think she needs therapy to help her identify and build her ladder you probably also need some to help you identify the tools to advance her cause and not be part of the weight on her. I also love to be right but sometimes proving you are right and especially lording it over someone can be soul crushing to someone that is vulnerable.
Good luck and God's speed.
1. I did see people point out her major life changes and losses both parents and getting close to being an empty nester. She is almost certainly clinically depressed. That needs therapy.
2. Don't take this too harshly. You are trying to win an argument when you are arguing two different things. You are arguing about what you see as a stark financial reality. Right now she probably doesn't give two fricks about that since she is in a whole different reality: a dark hole. You need to help and nuture her ability to climb out of the hole not try to drag her out kicking and screaming which has the effect of putting your hand down the hole on the top of her head and pushing down. It may be getting a job is part of her solution but it doesn't come across that way to her now, she hers you are disappointed because she isn't pulling her weight when she doesn't feel like she can even support half of her own weight.
You have to find a way to help her fix the root issue (likely depression) when she is well on that road she can help support the family. Mom needs some help right now and if you have understanding kids they can be part of that too. She needs to know they need her and not because they need a new phone or books but they need their mom. You need to set aside the job issue for now and work on figuring out what SHE needs to start climbing out. Her ladder out of the hole is not the same as your ladder would be and it damn sure isn't you trying to convinve yourself you are right about her going back to work. You know your finances and I will assume your are RIGHT but it is counterproductive trying to be right... right now.
While I think she needs therapy to help her identify and build her ladder you probably also need some to help you identify the tools to advance her cause and not be part of the weight on her. I also love to be right but sometimes proving you are right and especially lording it over someone can be soul crushing to someone that is vulnerable.
Good luck and God's speed.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:42 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
She blew up. “I haven’t worked in 20 years”..”nobody would hire me”. She mentioned a few things and said “I don’t want to do that” to which I responded “ Do you think I do what I do because I want to? No…I have no choice”. As you can imagine it didn’t go well.
It sounds like you are close to a financial crisis and haven't broken the news to her yet. Try to be honest and ask for help instead of telling her she has to work whether she wants to or not.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:48 am to Fusaichi Pegasus
quote:
Coupled with depression could be peri menopausal which will wreck hormones and everything else Get her to a dr stat
OP you’re vastly underestimating the effects of pre menopause.
I’m in your age range and so is my marriage. That’s a major factor here. If you can catch her in a decent mood soon maybe yall can read up on it together? I’d table the job talk for now to just allow her to get a handle on the pre menopause stuff.
This is something that can absolutely be managed but you both need to be on the same page and respect and acknowledge what that’s doing to her.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:48 am to BawtHouse
This man gets it.
I very carefully wrote my wife letters during our troubled times and it helped a lot. I bet I would write and rewrite them 10 times to get them just right.
It's important that it's an actual handwritten letter and not just a digital message. Even the scribbled out mistakes make it more heartfelt.
I very carefully wrote my wife letters during our troubled times and it helped a lot. I bet I would write and rewrite them 10 times to get them just right.
It's important that it's an actual handwritten letter and not just a digital message. Even the scribbled out mistakes make it more heartfelt.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 1:54 am to SquatchDawg
My Bad
Posted on 6/27/25 at 2:20 am to SquatchDawg
I'll be completely honest here, but reading the first few paragraphs, my first inclination was that she needed to get out an get a job. It sounds to me like she's struggling to find purpose. Sure, trying to get someone that hasn't worked in 20 years to go out and get a job sounds harsh, but she'll be socializing with people, she'll have a reason to get up in the morning, and she'll have a reason to leave the house. She might get lucky and get a job she really likes and she'll feel needed again.
Look at it as an opportunity, or a final test. You two get through this and the easy part of life is not too far off.
quote:
Why am I having to deal with this bullshite?
Look at it as an opportunity, or a final test. You two get through this and the easy part of life is not too far off.
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 2:38 am
Posted on 6/27/25 at 2:30 am to LSUSkip
I'm no expert, but I AM divorced.
She needs lots of things. No silver bullet here. A simple thing might be to sit down and just let her do the talking for as long as she needs. Maybe she will just let it all out.
At some point, when she's finished, you need to tell her exactly what you want out of life. Then make a plan to meet somewhere in the middle. Sacrifice for her IF she will sacrifice for you and the kids.
With that said, she may need an intervention. For alcohol. For depression. For just getting back out into the world. Let her know that she brings value to the world.
You're going to need back-up from friends, family, and clergy.
I honestly wish you the very best of luck.
She needs lots of things. No silver bullet here. A simple thing might be to sit down and just let her do the talking for as long as she needs. Maybe she will just let it all out.
At some point, when she's finished, you need to tell her exactly what you want out of life. Then make a plan to meet somewhere in the middle. Sacrifice for her IF she will sacrifice for you and the kids.
With that said, she may need an intervention. For alcohol. For depression. For just getting back out into the world. Let her know that she brings value to the world.
You're going to need back-up from friends, family, and clergy.
I honestly wish you the very best of luck.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 2:52 am to SquatchDawg
It sounds like she has some mental health stuff going on, probably depression. She is finding solace in drinking and time with her friends. Therapy might be helpful if she would be willing to go
Posted on 6/27/25 at 3:23 am to SquatchDawg
Like others have said it’s most likely depression from loss of her parents and now the realization it’s soon to be an empty nest. Alcohol surely isn’t helping, believe me I know and still battling it. It provides a numbness for a temporary break from the depression but eventually adds to it.
I agree with your idea of her getting a job. If nothing else just gives a feeling of self worth. I just retired a couple of weeks ago and it’s added to my depression, strangely enough.
If y'all belong to a church maybe there’s events she can volunteer for. I hate that y'all are having to go through this. I wish you luck.
I agree with your idea of her getting a job. If nothing else just gives a feeling of self worth. I just retired a couple of weeks ago and it’s added to my depression, strangely enough.
If y'all belong to a church maybe there’s events she can volunteer for. I hate that y'all are having to go through this. I wish you luck.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 3:28 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
I’m 53 yrs old I’ve provided for my wife and kids to this point…which is upper middle class I would estimate. Why am I having to deal with this bullshite?
Life changes. This happens to people in all walks of life. Celebrities divorce all the time bc they’re both depressed and miserable and blame each other, or they get mental illness of some form, people they love pass away, etc.
Forget that attitude, it’s going to send you to the same place as her. She likely sees it the same way - what has she gotten from taking care of her children and her parents? Seems she’s upset with how things are now (even if it’s unrealistic)
Edit: yall have more time together now. In addition to therapy, you should try to rekindle the romance. Take her on dates to new places, vacations, etc. Get her looking forward to being with you instead of “with the girls”
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 3:30 am
Posted on 6/27/25 at 4:07 am to SquatchDawg
(no message)
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 4:17 am
Posted on 6/27/25 at 4:11 am to SquatchDawg
Anyway…(I’m looking for ways to make you the a-hole here because I truly don’t think that you are.)…Maybe you shouldn’t have waited so long to have this conversation?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 4:17 am to SquatchDawg
She needs to stop drinking every night that alone would probably fix a good chunk of this. If you don't get her drinking under control it could get really ugly
No parent should be drinking every night while the kids are still in school
No parent should be drinking every night while the kids are still in school
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 4:21 am
Posted on 6/27/25 at 5:00 am to Pelican fan99
quote:
No parent should be drinking every night while the kids are still in school
Wut???
She is only drinking a half a bottle to a bottle of wine a night. I agree nobody should be getting passed out drunk every night but two glasses of wine is no big deal.
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