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Posted on 1/24/17 at 11:02 am to GeorgeTheGreek
Posted on 1/24/17 at 11:21 am to tke857
I'm more religious than I seem. I appreciate your kindness and your prayers.
To elaborate on your point about bottling up... I did bottle up for about the first two years. I sort of delayed/denied the grieving process, or accepting who and what I am as a widower. But I worked through that in year three. That was the key year for me in recovering and transitioning.
Things are good now. I'm happy again, and the family is strong again.
To elaborate on your point about bottling up... I did bottle up for about the first two years. I sort of delayed/denied the grieving process, or accepting who and what I am as a widower. But I worked through that in year three. That was the key year for me in recovering and transitioning.
Things are good now. I'm happy again, and the family is strong again.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 11:26 am to beej
Posted on 1/24/17 at 11:41 am to beej
I became a single dad when my daughter was 3. The most valuable thing you can give your children is your time, as a parent but not as a servant. Teaching them to help with household chores, groceries, etc. is valuable to them.
Take time to talk to each every day, and listen for their response and input. I read with my daughter every evening, teaching her to read to me. Ask how things went at school. Don't avoid any topic - sex, suicide, etc.
Keep them connected to family and friends. Gladly accept help from friends and acquaintances with transportation when they have activities that clash. Thank those who help. It makes them feel as though they have done something good for the youngsters.
Take time to talk to each every day, and listen for their response and input. I read with my daughter every evening, teaching her to read to me. Ask how things went at school. Don't avoid any topic - sex, suicide, etc.
Keep them connected to family and friends. Gladly accept help from friends and acquaintances with transportation when they have activities that clash. Thank those who help. It makes them feel as though they have done something good for the youngsters.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 2:51 pm to MetryMike
Thx for all the positivity so far. Found a few helpful avenues by way of some posts & further Google'ing. A posting forum seems to still be missing. Maybe I'll start 1. Will be good to have a project while the kids are in school.
I've found that the Food & Outdoor Boards here helpful to give me ideas to plan out meals & activities.
Those still offering prayers, please don't be offended by my previous post. I know you mean well & often times it's all you have to offer, therefore it's appreciated. Just don't feel obligated.
For those that asked, this was a 16 month period from detection to her passing. There was very little hope from the jump. We "Bucket Listed" the first 14 months & didn't tell the kids until about 100 days prior to her passing. We, as their parents, wanted our kids to just enjoy the trips & experiences without the dark cloud hanging over us. I'll probably never tell them the full length of time that we knew. They have amazing memories now & count them as blessings that we did it all.
The last couple of List items they knew, so they have those moments to hold on to as well.
My wife was impressively strong. She lost weight over the first 9 months - year, more towards the end, but kept telling everyone it was simply diet & exercise. She really didn't "look" sick until about 4 months prior to leaving us. Then we couldn't keep the news from anyone. Her wishes were for no one in our circle/extended to know the full length of time truth. She didn't want to tarnish any thoughts or memories. Frankly, it's no one business other than ours. But no one here knows us, so it's fine to post about.
I've found that the Food & Outdoor Boards here helpful to give me ideas to plan out meals & activities.
Those still offering prayers, please don't be offended by my previous post. I know you mean well & often times it's all you have to offer, therefore it's appreciated. Just don't feel obligated.
For those that asked, this was a 16 month period from detection to her passing. There was very little hope from the jump. We "Bucket Listed" the first 14 months & didn't tell the kids until about 100 days prior to her passing. We, as their parents, wanted our kids to just enjoy the trips & experiences without the dark cloud hanging over us. I'll probably never tell them the full length of time that we knew. They have amazing memories now & count them as blessings that we did it all.
The last couple of List items they knew, so they have those moments to hold on to as well.
My wife was impressively strong. She lost weight over the first 9 months - year, more towards the end, but kept telling everyone it was simply diet & exercise. She really didn't "look" sick until about 4 months prior to leaving us. Then we couldn't keep the news from anyone. Her wishes were for no one in our circle/extended to know the full length of time truth. She didn't want to tarnish any thoughts or memories. Frankly, it's no one business other than ours. But no one here knows us, so it's fine to post about.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 2:53 pm to beej
Keep on truckin that all you need to do.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 2:57 pm to beej
My mother died when I was little. My Dad kept a box of stuff my Mother had so that I would have memories of her. My Dad and I were tight until the last year.
I never had to deal with a step-mother.
Dad would always make sure he spent time just with me, and that we had time away from the usual day to day stuff (so that his daily business and personal work did not override our personal time together).
I'm sorry for your loss.
I never had to deal with a step-mother.
Dad would always make sure he spent time just with me, and that we had time away from the usual day to day stuff (so that his daily business and personal work did not override our personal time together).
I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 3:01 pm to beej
Seems like you handled it as well as possible under the circumstances.
I also had my father die from leukemia at the age of 49, when my little sister was 12 and I was in college. My parents knew for a year or so before he was hospitalized, and were able to do a few bucket list things. I often tell my daughter to celebrate the good and great days we have together with each other and extended family.
I also had my father die from leukemia at the age of 49, when my little sister was 12 and I was in college. My parents knew for a year or so before he was hospitalized, and were able to do a few bucket list things. I often tell my daughter to celebrate the good and great days we have together with each other and extended family.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 3:14 pm to HermanBoone
quote:pics?
almost 2 years ago. My sister was about to start her senior year of HS.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 3:22 pm to beej
I'm sorry for your loss. As long as you don't dress the girls as their mom, you'll do OK.
Save the heirloom stuff for the kids. If there are any journals, keep them, you don't want to be the dad in Maus. Stuff they know or you know was special for her or that she'd want them to have but aren't ready for just vacuum seal and put away.
Encourage them into sports, art groups, scouting, explorers. Whatever appeals to them. Make friends with the parents.
Just again don't be this guy.
Also who downvotes a dad trying to find help for a legit reason?
Save the heirloom stuff for the kids. If there are any journals, keep them, you don't want to be the dad in Maus. Stuff they know or you know was special for her or that she'd want them to have but aren't ready for just vacuum seal and put away.
Encourage them into sports, art groups, scouting, explorers. Whatever appeals to them. Make friends with the parents.
Just again don't be this guy.
Also who downvotes a dad trying to find help for a legit reason?
Posted on 1/24/17 at 6:29 pm to ZappBrannigan
In terms of packing up her stuff to store it, I just don't know "when" is right.
I don't imagine we will throw anything away anytime soon. But there's stuff of hers around that feels like its sitting in place until she comes back. We know she isn't, we just don't know when is right to store it until the kids want it down the road. Also, her sisters tried to start to ask about her jewelry-some of which is from her side of the family. Fortunately we had her Will quite specific & that nonsense got shut down before things came to be too ugly.
I also don't want to insult her parents or immediate family by packing her away.
This stuff never crossed my mind during our marriage, or during her sick time. It's like being a 1st time parent. No one tells you about "this stuff".
I don't imagine we will throw anything away anytime soon. But there's stuff of hers around that feels like its sitting in place until she comes back. We know she isn't, we just don't know when is right to store it until the kids want it down the road. Also, her sisters tried to start to ask about her jewelry-some of which is from her side of the family. Fortunately we had her Will quite specific & that nonsense got shut down before things came to be too ugly.
I also don't want to insult her parents or immediate family by packing her away.
This stuff never crossed my mind during our marriage, or during her sick time. It's like being a 1st time parent. No one tells you about "this stuff".
Posted on 1/24/17 at 7:42 pm to beej
I lost my 22 year old son in 2003. I didn't discard his things until 2014 when we were packing to move. I do have a large container with some of his things in it and I have his two guitars. Just wait until it is time for things to happen. There is no set time to do things when it comes to losing a loved one
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