beej

After some time adjusting to life as a widowed father, I am opening my brain to the idea of dating (my late wife fully endorsed me moving on).

I am not going out actively looking for strange. But I do have some self-respect left to where I don't want to flat put embarrass myself or end my chances before they really even begin.

My golfing & social friends have started to feel comfortable enough again to roast about my looks & what I could reasonably expect to link up with out there in the wild. I'm not a sasquatch, but there's certainly far more hair in places there wasn't prior to marriage.

My question is, should manscaping be a consideration? I'm well under 50, fully a dad bod, but I've got a lot of living left to do. I kept things manageable while married & obviously let that go in the last months before losing my wife.


What say you, OT?

Yes, a mostly war free existence. A fraction of our bravest have served throughout the Gulf Conflicts in comparison to WWI, WWII, & Vietnam. No draft. No continuous schedule of military funerals for nearly every male you knew growing up.

The last 30 years worth of young Americans have experienced such a glorious existence & they're ungrateful for it. Nor are they striving to keep things peaceful.

Just because you have an opinion & your feelings are hurt does mean the world owes you attention or an apology.

I'm genuinely concerned this is going to happen.

A buddy had to fire some recent grads at work this month because they couldn't handle being told to get their work done or they wouldn't have a job. They spent too much of the remaining time trying to find a way around that fact with HR than actually doing what he paid them to do.
2 of them threatened suicide & blamed the company. He had to get their legal team involved.

Nice try. My kids have gotten more attention from my late wife & I in the last 2 years than any other I know. On top of that, they're getting more from my siblings, her siblings, & of course the grandparents.


This entire experience has taught me that there's a noticeable percentage of parents lately that simply helicopter as much as they can or want. And it looks to be that this will only get worse.

I have 4 children that range from pre-k to 6th grade. So, that's 3 different campuses. The kids in school ride the bus, pre-k gets a pick up/drop off from the HS girl we have. Her older sister started for us 3 years ago but is now a freshman at LSU. After my wife passed & throughout final months we kept her on to achieve as much "normalcy" as possible.

That said, my OP was more of curiosity as to when this got to be a regular deal. I can understand a time or 2, especially the school sponsored events, but IMO you gotta cut the cord.

To answer a previous couple of response questions:
-I was asked to leave for making others uncomfortable. However the school board apology was made because I didn't single anyone out & witnesses spoke on my behalf proving that I never raised my voice or became confrontational.
-It was an evening PTA meeting. They're monthly. My wife went to most of them, but never to a random breakfast or lunch date with any of the kids (I asked my kids, inconspicuously).
-While I am a stay at home dad now, I have enough to do around the house-chores & repairs/updates, as well as get out to live my life.

Towards the end, I can begin to see it.

But she never supported his music. She drove him away. He got her the house, things, babies, & money. She kept pushing him with her miserable attitude.

Thx for all the positivity so far. Found a few helpful avenues by way of some posts & further Google'ing. A posting forum seems to still be missing. Maybe I'll start 1. Will be good to have a project while the kids are in school.

I've found that the Food & Outdoor Boards here helpful to give me ideas to plan out meals & activities.

Those still offering prayers, please don't be offended by my previous post. I know you mean well & often times it's all you have to offer, therefore it's appreciated. Just don't feel obligated.

For those that asked, this was a 16 month period from detection to her passing. There was very little hope from the jump. We "Bucket Listed" the first 14 months & didn't tell the kids until about 100 days prior to her passing. We, as their parents, wanted our kids to just enjoy the trips & experiences without the dark cloud hanging over us. I'll probably never tell them the full length of time that we knew. They have amazing memories now & count them as blessings that we did it all.
The last couple of List items they knew, so they have those moments to hold on to as well.

My wife was impressively strong. She lost weight over the first 9 months - year, more towards the end, but kept telling everyone it was simply diet & exercise. She really didn't "look" sick until about 4 months prior to leaving us. Then we couldn't keep the news from anyone. Her wishes were for no one in our circle/extended to know the full length of time truth. She didn't want to tarnish any thoughts or memories. Frankly, it's no one business other than ours. But no one here knows us, so it's fine to post about.

Thanks for this one. Friends pointed me here too.

That said, I'm looking for a forum where I can read other dad's threads on topics I've encountered & surely will in the future. Also want to vent to people who will let me do that when I need it.

Appreciate the condolences fellow posters. At the risk of sounding like a dick, I'm just so tired of people giving me their sad or worried looks & the same words. Not their fault by any means, of course. I'm just ready for a new song.

One of the best memories of my childhood was listening to his albums play in our house growing up. Times weren't always great but the music sure helped.

Interestingly enough my folks for big fans of both Croce & Buffett.

Mary Jane
Run Around Sue
The Song That Jane Likes