Should you use the phrase “We’re pregnant”?

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Should you use the phrase “We’re pregnant”?
Two parents debate whether it's OK for couple to say "We're pregnant."

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“Yes”

By Kingston Stewart, dad of one

When my wife and I shared the joyous news that we were expecting a baby, I happily used the phrase “we’re pregnant.” We’d waited a few months to tell our friends, and I was bursting with excitement. It was my best friend, Katie (a mom of two), who corrected me: “No, you are not pregnant. Your wife is.” And my response was something like: “No, Katie. I am going to be just as much a part of this process and this kid’s life as she is.”

Words are very powerful, and in saying “we’re pregnant,” my point was that I was going to do everything I could to support my wife. Immediately after our son was born, I took five weeks off from work, as well as two months of parental leave at the end of the first year.

I was fully engaged, supporting my wife and my son, and participating in any way I could. She did all the truly hard work, but we were a team. Forgive me if that seems boastful, but I’m proud of my role. And frankly, more dads should celebrate—and not downplay—their contributions, too.

By interrupting, arguing with and correcting men who use this phrase, you’re putting them in their place and deflating their excitement.

Rather than picking away at how my choice of words might be technically inaccurate, let’s pause and celebrate the real sentiment behind what many of us dads are trying to express.

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“No”

By Kalli Anderson, mom of two

I’m all for equality in parenting. I love coed baby showers and dads who baby wear and the equal division of laundry duties. And I couldn’t have gotten through two pregnancies and the past four years of child rearing without my husband, who is an awesome dad.

But for the many things my husband does, there are some he has never done. He hasn’t spent months feeling a tiny, strange being slowly take over his body, sucking the life out of him like a parasite with a penchant for kicking his bladder and getting the hiccups at 2 a.m. He has never had to outgrow every pair of his shoes or have someone “gently” stretch his cervix. And he has never endured hours of contractions and pushed a softball out of an opening that is, well, a lot smaller than a softball. We are both parents. We both love our children. We both made two babies. But “we” were not pregnant, “we” did not give birth, and “we” are not breastfeeding.

Saying “we’re pregnant” is not only factually incorrect (and, frankly, kind of cheesy), but it is also disrespectful of the often brutal physical and emotional challenges of actually being pregnant.

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When did this become a thing? I can't help but cringe when I hear this. One of my bros impregnated his spouse (wife) and shared this news with us at dinner last week. It was a joyous moment for everyone. "Congratulations!" I said. "I'm really happy for you guys," I said. I meant it. I was very happy for them. But I couldn't get over how he broke the news to me.

"We're pregnant," he said. Maybe it's just a matter of phrasing because I don't find it odd when a couple says "we're having a baby." It does, however, sound strange when a dude says "we're pregnant." My brain immediately walks through the whole process, where both of you carry the child in your bodies and give birth.

For all of the ways that women are constantly wanting to be patted on the back for everything they do, and told why each of them has the "toughest job on the planet," I think we should give them their due with this pregnancy thing. Carrying a human in your body and pushing it out your vagina sounds incredibly difficult and painful. It's one of the most gangster things a creature can do. You're both "expecting" a child, but she's the one carrying it and going through labor. So why can't we just call things what they are? This seems like the type of thing women would come up with to feel more appreciated. Only in this case, it's men.