re: Possible life changing decision on the horizon

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My sister and I turned out perfectly fine from our situation.

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No, you didn't. I'm sorry, but you think it's fine for a father to pick up and leave his kids to make money. That's not turning out fine. I hope when you have kids, the button clicks and you finally recognize how messed up that belief is...

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. My dad wasn't there for me as a child and I don't want to do the same to him.

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Seems like an easy decision then.

41. 2 kids, son and daughter.

I didn't realize Austin, Texas was so devoid of economic opportunity that the OP needs to move to Houston. Come on OP, if you want a career that pays more I am sure there are opportunities right there in Austin. You're first job is being a father. Absentee parenting isn't going to work.

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Any of you ever faced a decision like this? How did you handle it?

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No.

But, you should stay with your kid.

Think about what you are evaluating. Your career vs. time with your son. This should be a no-brainer.

tough position to be in. I live an hour from my kid and it's hard. I definitely feel for you. I probably wouldn't be able to do it.

If you have a dream job and are being offered it, you at least owe it to yourself to see the interview process through. During said interview there will come a time where you will be offered a chance to speak and ask questions. At this point you need to voice your concern over your current situation and ask them if there is a more plausible scenario that could work out for both sides. Maybe they have a sister company that is closer to Austin and you would be able to work there instead of in Houston.

Furthermore, you need to look at the hours. If this new job is higher paying, chances are it comes with more responsibilities as well. Those added responsibilities could increase your hours per week that you are working. So not only are you away from your son further on a permanent basis, the opportunity for free time is crunched due to workloads.

Additionally, there are 2 people you need to discuss this with and 2 people only. Your interviewer, and your ex. Your ex will play a HUGE role in all of this. She may grant your wish to full custody knowing that your change in lifestyle may represent a better outcome for your son. You are both responsible for his well-being and both need to have a sit down discussion regarding his future and where it leads.

Finally, I don't see how this job is a "once in a life time" possibility if you truly do have that much experience in the career field. The other doors just haven't opened yet, but may very well do so in the future. To me personally, if you are doing well enough as is, stay in your current position after going through the interview and finding out that Houston is the only location. No self-respecting person will be upset that you are choosing your child over a few extra bucks. Enjoy what time you have with your son while he is still a kid. Time flies and soon enough he will be on his own, at which point you can still pick up the pieces of your job and find your work dream again.

I passed on a job 2 months ago that would have been a great career move and increased pay, because it would have meant leaving my girls in Houston for 3 years. Similar situation in that I have them 60-70% but our decree clearly states that if either of us moves away we waive our rights.

It took me all of about 5 seconds to make the decision that nothing was more important than that time with my kids.

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Finally, I don't see how this job is a "once in a life time" possibility if you truly do have that much experience in the career field. The other doors just haven't opened yet, but may very well do so in the future. To me personally, if you are doing well enough as is, stay in your current position after going through the interview and finding out that Houston is the only location. No self-respecting person will be upset that you are choosing your child over a few extra bucks. Enjoy what time you have with your son while he is still a kid. Time flies and soon enough he will be on his own, at which point you can still pick up the pieces of your job and find your work dream again.

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This can't be emphasized enough. Well said.

Oh, and it's weird thinking about this, given how my life and relationship with my father unfolded.

My father was successful and we had plenty of money growing up. Big house, 6 car garage full of motorcycles and ATVs, and a lot of my friends thought it was awesome. I even drove a corvette in high school.

The truth is that I was insanely jealous of my friends who had every day fathers. Mine was out of town 80% of the time.

I'm 40ish now and haven't spoken to my father in 14 years because over time I realized he wasn't sacrificing for us. He did it all for himself. Sacrificing is working the grind and being there.

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At least for a couple of years until he has friends and is involved in activities. Eventually he will want nothing to do with going away for the summer or missing activities that happen on the weekends.

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I'm really trying to be open-minded and think this through logistically, but the more I do the lousier this seems from a logistical standpoint.

He'd either have to move the kid with him and his SO and shuttle him back and forth to Austin, or commit to driving to Austin every weekend to get a decent amount of time in with his son.

And even of he is there every weekend, is this going to actually be quality time? How many weekends is he going to be dog tired from a hectic week followed by 3 hours on the road?

Not saying he can't make it work, but I'm not sure I could do it.