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Message
re: Pondering Life With My Situation
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:15 pm to TheCoastalMan
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:15 pm to TheCoastalMan
Life is tough bro. It’s not just you. Life for an average person is tough. Heck even rich people have problems. Hang in there and keep fighting
0
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:16 pm to TexasTiger33
quote:
sativa today huh Clint?
No, edibles.
Have to catch a flight later
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:16 pm to TheCoastalMan
quote:
I want the companionship but don't necessarily want to give up all of my independence
Dude, that's not the way it works. All women are different, and giving up "all of your independence," is an immediate red flag. You date and you figure it out depending on both of your personalities. And, just don't date a Latina
Stop pining after things and "wanting them very badly." That's teenager mentality. Take a walk, read some books. Volunteer at something, but have more purpose than what you have now. Start slow.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:17 pm to Kicks30
quote:
Your op reads like someone who feels hopeless and unnecessary. That's not true. It's a lie you talked yourself into.
I hope you take all the good advice in the thread beginning with ordering this book.
I would admit both of these are true. Like I'm hopeless and unnecessary. That outside of immediate family and maybe a few close friends my loss wouldn't cause very much grief.
And I know it's a lie that my mind has convinced myself of. I know I get too stuck in my own mind.
Like you all said, I need to stop wallowing in the self pity. Sure it feels good, like I don't have to take responsibility for it, but I know it doesn't change my situation. I have to change it if I really want to.
I think the biggest thing is resolving my anger. It just angers me so much when I see people (especially my age but even younger or older than me) living with no medical conditions. Now I know that's presumptuous as I have no clue what's really going on in their life, but it just makes me inferior. Somehow someway I have to get rid of that anger. Somehow someway I have to forgive myself, both my body and my soul and convince myself that this can change. Because right now I feel like it can't.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:17 pm to TheCoastalMan
Don’t give up dude… I’ve been there, but you have to want it. Had 19 surgeries and thought I was a goner, I was 58 and thought life wasn’t worth living anymore when they had to put a bag on me… I was miserable and felt hopeless. But my inner strength and a new found faith I was able to overcome most of my health problems and love live now and feel better than ever.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:20 pm to dukke v
quote:
Don’t give up dude… I’ve been there, but you have to want it. Had 19 surgeries and thought I was a goner, I was 58 and thought life wasn’t worth living anymore when they had to put a bag on me… I was miserable and felt hopeless. But my inner strength and a new found faith I was able to overcome most of my health problems and love live now and feel better than ever.
Wow I'm so sorry, that is rough but good hearing from others who have gotten through it.
What gets me is I constantly worry that if I'm this screwed up at 40 (and have been this screwed up for several years) what's waiting for me if I make it to 50? To 60?
I guess in some ways I know I'm not young anymore and that's hard to deal with. And I feel like some of my youth was robbed a little bit by my medical history. So I guess in many ways I'm now battling both medical conditions and a mid life crisis.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:20 pm to TheCoastalMan
(no message)
This post was edited on 7/5/23 at 2:03 am
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:21 pm to TheCoastalMan
quote:
The doctors don't really care
The brain doesn't think logically when you're chronically ill. Your doctors likely do care but haven't found a solution unique to you.
Find new doctors, get second opinions, all the things recommended when current treatment protocols aren't working out. This is priority one.
Read M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." The sooner the better.
There's a tremendous need for ordinary citizen volunteers at St Jude's Children's Hospital in Memphis. Take a week of vacation time and give it to them. You will come away with a new perspective on life not at all like what you expected going in.
We all get "stuck" at times, above are three simple ways to get unstuck. Just be aware you've got to do the work. If you want something different you've got to try something different.
I'm glad you posted and are looking for answers.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:21 pm to TheCoastalMan
My guy, I have shitty lungs and I'm currently on blood pressure medications. I'm only 34, so you cannot take that route out, I can't know that's an option.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:21 pm to TheCoastalMan
You're definitely depressed. It made me feel sad when you said that you hate yourself. Please don't, you can take steps to stop feeling this way and look at things differently. You can learn how to counter a constant negative stream of thought and learn to break free of it. That book is very short and very practical. It's even funny.
I remember feeling the way that you do, it is hard to describe the cruel self loathing that can happen in a bad depression. Taking meds a few months didn't improve it at all, I read that book and I felt better within a week. I learned emotional skills from it that I still use today, that was over 10 years ago.
I remember feeling the way that you do, it is hard to describe the cruel self loathing that can happen in a bad depression. Taking meds a few months didn't improve it at all, I read that book and I felt better within a week. I learned emotional skills from it that I still use today, that was over 10 years ago.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:22 pm to TheCoastalMan
Have you considered being bicoastal?
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:24 pm to TheCoastalMan
Your health conditions sound really shitty. I'm sorry.
I am guessing you probably have real sleep issues as well. Sleep is crucial to mental health. Not some hippy-dippy BS but literally will drive you insane if you can't get quality Zzz. If you feel like you aren't rested, perhaps just adding a C-pap will make enough difference that you have the energy to deal with the rest.
I hope you don't mind me suggesting, but it sounds like you are likely clinically depressed. I suffered briefly with depression during pregnancy (a completely intended, wanted and welcomed pregnancy) and it unnerves me when people throw around depression and sadness like it's the same thing. It altered the way I saw colors (everything looked grayish), felt like I was trying to breathe through a hot washcloth all the time, took away my appetite. It felt like being stuck in a fever-dream. It was horrific. Mine resolved itself and never returned, thank GOD. If I had to live like that for any period of time, I would probably want to jump off a bridge. Clinical depression isn't something talk therapy with a psychologist will help with. It requires an MD (psychiatrist) and trying different recipes of medications, but can offer incredible relief.
action steps:
1) google an Internist if you have to. Get referal for. a c-pap and a psychiatrist.
2)get some sleep
3) exercise outdoors every day. Even if just a 10 min walk
Set a time in the future to re-assess. If you've made progress, rinse/repeat and set another date in the future.
As a mother, I beg of you not to give up. Just because you don't have wife/kids doesn't mean you aren't an important piece of someone's life. A crucial piece.
I am guessing you probably have real sleep issues as well. Sleep is crucial to mental health. Not some hippy-dippy BS but literally will drive you insane if you can't get quality Zzz. If you feel like you aren't rested, perhaps just adding a C-pap will make enough difference that you have the energy to deal with the rest.
I hope you don't mind me suggesting, but it sounds like you are likely clinically depressed. I suffered briefly with depression during pregnancy (a completely intended, wanted and welcomed pregnancy) and it unnerves me when people throw around depression and sadness like it's the same thing. It altered the way I saw colors (everything looked grayish), felt like I was trying to breathe through a hot washcloth all the time, took away my appetite. It felt like being stuck in a fever-dream. It was horrific. Mine resolved itself and never returned, thank GOD. If I had to live like that for any period of time, I would probably want to jump off a bridge. Clinical depression isn't something talk therapy with a psychologist will help with. It requires an MD (psychiatrist) and trying different recipes of medications, but can offer incredible relief.
action steps:
1) google an Internist if you have to. Get referal for. a c-pap and a psychiatrist.
2)get some sleep
3) exercise outdoors every day. Even if just a 10 min walk
Set a time in the future to re-assess. If you've made progress, rinse/repeat and set another date in the future.
As a mother, I beg of you not to give up. Just because you don't have wife/kids doesn't mean you aren't an important piece of someone's life. A crucial piece.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:25 pm to dukke v
OP:
Some decent women wouldn't mind the things you mentioned as long as you treat 'em right. Don't give up on that front.
No other advice, just here to say I read your post.
Hope Springs Eternal
Some decent women wouldn't mind the things you mentioned as long as you treat 'em right. Don't give up on that front.
No other advice, just here to say I read your post.
Hope Springs Eternal
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:25 pm to TheCoastalMan
Get a dog. Walk three times a day.
Do not eat after lunch.
Take vitamins only.
Get a good night's sleep. A short nap during the day sometimes helps.
Be positive, confident and happy. You can do it.
Find your spiritual side.
Do not eat after lunch.
Take vitamins only.
Get a good night's sleep. A short nap during the day sometimes helps.
Be positive, confident and happy. You can do it.
Find your spiritual side.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:25 pm to TheCoastalMan
quote:
I would admit both of these are true. Like I'm hopeless and unnecessary. That outside of immediate family and maybe a few close friends my loss wouldn't cause very much grief.
And I know it's a lie that my mind has convinced myself of. I know I get too stuck in my own mind.
It is a good thing that you recognize this. When I went through clinical depression some 30 years ago, I could not recognize this concept. It took a few drug trials and work with a psychiatrist to get through it. But I have not been on an anti-depressant and have not seen a shrink since 1997. I am so thankful that I did not act on some of my thoughts from back then. I got better and you can too - indeed, I think you have a leg up on where I was. Cut yourself a break, take simple easy steps at first, and get some help - either with a therapist or the books that have been suggested in this thread.
I'm praying and pulling for you and a lot of others are, too. God Bless.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:25 pm to TheCoastalMan
quote:
Everyone else around me gets to be normal
That’s not true. Trust me.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:27 pm to TheCoastalMan
This may sound crazy. The perfect place for an introvert is Eucharistic Adoration. Call your local parish and ask when and where. Give it a shot for a week’s worth despite all of the negativity you might hear here.
Just go and be honest in your thoughts and prayers.
Just go and be honest in your thoughts and prayers.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:27 pm to TheCoastalMan
Dude, I've been in the same shoes but not health wise. I got robbed of everything 3 years ago when my wife of 19 years left me. Took my dream house, ton of my money, lost my child. I didn't want to live anymore. Here I am 3 years later, nothing but bad has happened to me. I still can't get on my feet. I had everything, and lost it. For 3 years I've been questioning God why. Why me? When will things turn around? Sometimes I beg God to take me because I can't handle it anymore
But, then I realize I will still hurt someone and others by not being here. Deaths not the answer. There's gotta be something ahead. Have I found it yet? No. But I'm still searching and trying, giving it to God continually.
There's always someone that is going through worse. And frankly, ending your own life would just be the beginning of more misery, because this isn't it. When we die, we are all going somewhere even if you don't believe in that.
But, then I realize I will still hurt someone and others by not being here. Deaths not the answer. There's gotta be something ahead. Have I found it yet? No. But I'm still searching and trying, giving it to God continually.
There's always someone that is going through worse. And frankly, ending your own life would just be the beginning of more misery, because this isn't it. When we die, we are all going somewhere even if you don't believe in that.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:28 pm to TheCoastalMan
If it hasn’t been said, get a dog. Love the dog and the dog will love you back. You’ll get a new purpose in life.
Posted on 7/4/23 at 8:28 pm to TheCoastalMan
quote:
It just angers me so much when I see people ...living with no medical conditions
So, where has the anger gotten you? You're not missing limbs, or an eye. You are externalizing all the things you were "cursed" with. Control what you can control, and just put one foot in front of the other. Deal with today and stop the doom-projections about what happens when you meet a girl, etc.
quote:
Sure it feels good, like I don't have to take responsibility for it, but I know it doesn't change my situation. I have to change it if I really want to.
Ride this into the sunset, dude.
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