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re: Parenting advice seems to assume all kids are the same.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 3:40 pm to slidingstop
Posted on 7/17/25 at 3:40 pm to slidingstop
quote:
I'm not. I'm going to judge them harshly and be critical of them as warranted. If your kids misbehave in front of you, it’s because you have failed as a parent. Especially at that moment. I guarantee you, you can beat your kids arse hard enough to correct the behavior in public. You just don't have the balls to do so.
I have a cousin who thinks like this, and believes that he is an amazing parent. He will grab his kids and berate them in public, pull their pants down and spank them in front of everyone, and smack the back of their head any time they tiptoe out of line. His kids certainly “behave” in front of him, but they do not respect him, as soon as he’s not around, they go crazy because he’s never actually taught him how to behave, he’s just taught him how to be afraid of him.
He thinks he’s this incredibly great, “tough” parent, everyone else thinks he is an idiot and is turning his kids into crazy people who resent him.
I don’t know how old you are, but it’s funny to me how every older person responds to any parenting with the idea that kids just don’t get hit or yelled at enough. In the same sentence they ramble on about how rebellious they were, how many friends of theirs were on drugs or died young, and how few people they know their age who had great relationships with their parents.
Kids certainly need a healthy fear of their parents, but people like you forget about the healthy part of that.
This post was edited on 7/17/25 at 3:42 pm
3
Posted on 7/17/25 at 6:43 pm to Tiger1242
It's funny. I thought I'd struggle with them while they're young but my 5 kiddos, oldest being about to be 9, are so damn competent, killing it in sports, killing it at school, keep our house in order, have great attitudes, even my twins who just turned 2 are easy to deal with and have good self control.
What I thought I'd be able to handle every day of the week was when they get to be teenagers. Always been able to be a good mentor for teens but they weren't mine. I feel like I've overestimated how easily I can connect and lead them because I've never been the dad and that I might get blindsided by all sorts of unpredictable things. They have reason to hide things from me, thats a variable im not used to.
What I thought I'd be able to handle every day of the week was when they get to be teenagers. Always been able to be a good mentor for teens but they weren't mine. I feel like I've overestimated how easily I can connect and lead them because I've never been the dad and that I might get blindsided by all sorts of unpredictable things. They have reason to hide things from me, thats a variable im not used to.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 6:47 pm to Tiger1242
My parents raised 4 kids “successfully”.
Their advice to anyone who asks is to parent each kid with fairness but not equality.
Their advice to anyone who asks is to parent each kid with fairness but not equality.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 6:55 pm to Tiger1242
This is true, although parents also play a big role.
Children are born with three general types of temperaments, all with some variability within each type. Furthermore, a child’s genetic make up and biology certainly influence their behaviors and reactions to parenting. These influences are complex interactions with the environment and behaviors of others. But genes absolutely exert a significant influence on the behaviors of children.
With that being said, there are parental factors and parenting styles that generally work better than others. These are mostly comprised tenants of social learning theory and behaviorism (operant conditioning), along with healthy doses of love and good communication.
Children are born with three general types of temperaments, all with some variability within each type. Furthermore, a child’s genetic make up and biology certainly influence their behaviors and reactions to parenting. These influences are complex interactions with the environment and behaviors of others. But genes absolutely exert a significant influence on the behaviors of children.
With that being said, there are parental factors and parenting styles that generally work better than others. These are mostly comprised tenants of social learning theory and behaviorism (operant conditioning), along with healthy doses of love and good communication.
This post was edited on 7/17/25 at 6:57 pm
Posted on 7/17/25 at 7:05 pm to Tiger1242
Two issues here Is that he doesn't seem to respect his kids. I try to have an adult conversation about their behavior, explain why it's detrimental to them, empathize with why it's tough to break, and ask if they have anything to say about it before we promise better behavior. If it continues, I circle back to the previous conversation, their promise, and why I'm disciplining him. Not out of anger, but to correct. I explain that we had a heart to heart about this but that behavior has continued and punishment is the next step. I'm pretty harsh at the point. I save arse whippings the rare really out of line thing but ill send them doing bear crawls for a long time, assigning projects, or anything productive to their physical or mental abilities. I really feel like it goes a long way, I know my kids don't just fear me, they respect me, because I respect them and I explain the process of raising a child straight to then. There is no "why?" And "because I said so". I used to hate that, I spell it out in a way they can't argue.
Secondarily, It's a bit of the above but you've got way too many dads who think discipline is the staple. I certainly run a tight ship but im very loving, understanding, empathetic, patient, and engaging. Positive reinforcement is worth 4 times more than negative. They both have their time and place but if you want to run your house like a military camp, you'll never have a relationship w your kid, and they'll treat you as an obstacle instead of a resource to help guide them. My kids are only 2 2 6 7 and 8 so maybe I'm wrong but I have happy, productive, confident children. All 3 of my oldest are leaders and maybe I hit the genetic lottery with my wife but im still incredibly proud of them.
Secondarily, It's a bit of the above but you've got way too many dads who think discipline is the staple. I certainly run a tight ship but im very loving, understanding, empathetic, patient, and engaging. Positive reinforcement is worth 4 times more than negative. They both have their time and place but if you want to run your house like a military camp, you'll never have a relationship w your kid, and they'll treat you as an obstacle instead of a resource to help guide them. My kids are only 2 2 6 7 and 8 so maybe I'm wrong but I have happy, productive, confident children. All 3 of my oldest are leaders and maybe I hit the genetic lottery with my wife but im still incredibly proud of them.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 7:08 pm to CAD703X
quote:
i love these 'my kid runs like a swiss watch' parents who never once let their small kid share a bed with them after having a nightmare because..discipline and principles.
That shite is so exhausting. My kids eat McDonald's here and there. They have ipads. They stay up late sometimes. Me and the wife are busy and both work 50 hour weeks.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 7:43 pm to PensaTigers
quote:
I try to have an adult conversation about their behavior,
You try to have an adult conversation with a four year old?
quote:
If it continues, I circle back to the previous conversation, their promise, and why I'm disciplining him. Not out of anger, but to correct.
Just cut out the bullshite psycho babble and give the little bastard a good slap. The first time he fricks up. Then you don’t make an arse out of yourself while your kid annoys everyone around him.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 7:45 pm to Tiger1242
The OT is a masterclass of "if your kids are bad it's because you don't BEAT THE frick OUT OF THEM enough!"
Posted on 7/17/25 at 8:53 pm to Tiger1242
quote:
He will grab his kids and berate them in public, pull their pants down and spank them in front of everyone, and smack the back of their head any time they tiptoe out of line. His kids certainly “behave” in front of him, but they do not respect him, as soon as he’s not around, they go crazy because he’s never actually taught him how to behave, he’s just taught him how to be afraid of him.
Humiliating your kids isn’t healthy punishment.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 8:59 pm to tigerinthebueche
No, I have an adult conversation with my 7 and 8 year old. Then I remind them that I spoke to them as an adult and they didn't match up to that maturity so now we've moved onto physical discipline. A 4 year old isn't capable of that talk and I don't know why you randomly assumed that. My discipline with the younger ones is almost purely physical. Any explanation for the goofy assumptions of the age group I applied the discipline to?
Edit: to be clear, it rarely comes to that. Having a respectful adult talk usually works, and my oldest girl never needs a talk. She gets it and is entirely respectful and in control of her emotions. My oldest son struggles w his emotions but he doesn't resent me when he fails at controlling it. He embraces his discipline and tries to do better. Damn kids more mature than most the adult children I have to deal w in the work force.
Edit: to be clear, it rarely comes to that. Having a respectful adult talk usually works, and my oldest girl never needs a talk. She gets it and is entirely respectful and in control of her emotions. My oldest son struggles w his emotions but he doesn't resent me when he fails at controlling it. He embraces his discipline and tries to do better. Damn kids more mature than most the adult children I have to deal w in the work force.
This post was edited on 7/17/25 at 9:02 pm
Posted on 7/17/25 at 8:59 pm to CapitalTiger
quote:
Their advice to anyone who asks is to parent each kid with fairness but not equality.
This is 100% true. Every child is different and should be treated accordingly. I have one son who’ll straighten up if I give him a mean look but I could spank his younger brother all day only for him to walk away saying it didn’t hurt while flashing me the double birds. They all have unique needs and personalities that require their own styles of parenting.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 10:12 pm to Shexter
quote:
It's even more of a pain in the arse when I try to teach them correctly at my house, then they go over to the fetus donor's house for a weekend.
She's the CTRL ALT DELETE of parenting.
Every time they come back, it's a complete reset.
Brother let me tell you something...imagine experiencing this with an autistic kid(real, not the BS diagnosis you see for some kids). He's 15 now and the transition from one house to another is MUCH easier now, but early on it was MF'ing nightmare. Just about the time my son was settling in to his routine at my place it was time to go back to mom's house.
The lingering big problem, which I can't figure out, is why his behavior is so much more erratic/shittier here than it is apparently at his mom's. He's unbelievably babied by his mom and I really try not to do that.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 10:34 pm to Tiger1242
quote:
Parenting advice seems to assume all kids are the same.
You've taken GMAT prep lessons haven't you?
This post was edited on 7/17/25 at 10:35 pm
Posted on 7/17/25 at 10:40 pm to Tiger1242
This is especially true with babies.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 10:52 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
I have one son who’ll straighten up if I give him a mean look but I could spank his younger brother all day only for him to walk away saying it didn’t hurt while flashing me the double birds.
My daughter was the latter type.
She cut up a year book in the 3rd grade... snipped her picture out to make a "driver's license"... I decided that since she liked scissors so much she could go out in the front yard and cut all the bahia grass (weeds) with those very same scissors... she did it- and then her "doublebird" was going over next door and cutting theirs too... all the while acting like she was having the grandest time of her life.
My son.. would have written a rage page replete with disgusting drawings.
Kids are a conundrum... strange little creatures, they are.
I have the last laugh... my daughter is now a mother and her 2 1/2 yr old is JUST LIKE HER.
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