re: Need a Child psychologist...

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IME almost every parent that expresses this opinion while still raising their children is statistically likely to be a much better parent than the majority of people that proclaim "I am a very good parent".

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It's also easy to feel like you're not the best parent when your kid has comorbidities like the OP describes. With ADHD and ODD, their brains are literally wired to be defiant and have lack of impulse control. That would be difficult for any parent.

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We went the first 5 years after diagnosis fighting medication. We read all the books, did all of the behavior modification charts and plans, parenting therapy, took everything away, etc to no avail. ODD brains aren't wired correctly - they don't relate consequences to behavior. Medicine helped for a few years, but by the time he got to high school it started leading to other issues. My son is brilliant but hated the confines of school - he just graduated (barely), moved out (thank you Jesus), and started at BRCC.

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Do you mind if I ask what the general realm of early childhood looked like for y'all? 4-7/8sih

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Before you seek any professional help, try a few things:

Take away all electronics, period save for a tiny bit of supervised television .

ABSOLUTELY NO SOCIAL MEDIA, PERIOD.

Take him outside and work his arse off EVERY SINGLE DAY without exception, rain or shine.

NO SUGARY DRINKS OR TREATS.

Enroll him in a team sport of some kind if able.

Chances are your boy is suffering from being a boy and the above will help channel his perfectly natural gifts.

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I don't think any of these suggestions have bad intentions behind him, but I just think the kids resort to things like social media and electronics as a coping mechanism to fill a need that they're not receiving through constructive needs. The social media/electronics aren't the issue, just the symptom.

I definitely agree with spending more time with him, but maybe just find out what the kid likes instead of assuming he'll enjoy sports and running around outside. Maybe he will, but maybe he won't and he'll just make things worse if he forces things on the kid that he doesn't want any part of.

As a kid my parents thought I had a video game addiction. They tried taking it away and it didn't work to focus me. It's because I didn't have a video game addiction, I had a competition addiction that I was channeling through video games. I have always had to have an outlet to compete and I'll find it wherever I can. Now I get it through my career as an adult. I do wish my parents had put a golf club in my hand, that would've focused me.

Maybe the kid likes social media because he wants to network with others. Maybe he's a future marketing executive in the making, so help him start his first business. Maybe he would like journalism. Just some examples that it doesn't have to be about bringing him outside and running him around. There's a lot of ways for kids to spend time constructively.

Those things like social media are inferior ways to scratch whatever itch he has, so they'll fall by the wayside naturally once he finds what he really wants to do.

I really wish SPECT scans were a thing back then. When they first started, they were only available at some clinic in California. Now you can go to Dallas or Atlanta. It's not cheap, but neither are the medical bills added up over the years.

Find someone who will do behavior therapy and not drugs. Lots of time it’s that they need help with organizing and having tasks laid out in order of how to get things done. Also if he is a boy get him outside and let him run wild for a while.

Again thanks for all the responses. I used to think ADHD and ODD were bullshite too, all in an effort to medicate by big Pharma. But having kids has helped me to realize it's not that simple. I realized early that whipping alone isn't the answer. We want to try a therapy/counseling thing to go along with his meds, as we know meds alone aren't enough. When he was first prescribed the dose was too high. And it broke our hearts to see him struggling to calm his brain and go to sleep that night. We quickly lowered the dose and it helped. But still, the ODD is not treated by meds so we are trying to get info to better help him and also to help ourselves to better help him. Seriously thanks guys

Don't listen to the mouth breathers... Get the kid counseling and meds. Work with him and have patience. As he learns to manage the little ODD voices, he will be able to taper down the meds.

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We want to try a therapy/counseling thing to go along with his meds

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The negative impact therapy can have on a very young person should be considered here. I’m not against therapy/counseling as a practical form of self improvement. But there is a very real long term effect that can result from the inner stigma of “needing therapy”. Young undeveloped minds don’t cope well with such stigmas, thus resulting in a lifetime of wondering “What’s wrong with me?”

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But still, the ODD is not treated by meds so we are trying to get info to better help him and also to help ourselves to better help him.

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ODD can be simplified to this basic principle: You are misguiding your genuine love for your child. The child doesn’t need assurances as much as they need routines and consequences. I mean, look at the name of the condition. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It exists. But only because the child’s nature is to test the boundaries.

Thanks, really appreciate it.