re: Men who leave their family

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My biological dad left my mother sister and I as a young kid. I would spit in his face if I ever saw him again. He has inspired me as to what not to be like with my own kids

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Sorry to hear of this pain in your life. I guess you can use something like that as an excuse for your own choices, or as motivation to make better choices than you saw being made. Glad to hear you are going with the latter.

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Same here.

I was lucky to have a great mom and 2 excellent grandparents across town who filed that hole and helped with watching us and shuttling us to after school activities. My mom leaned heavily on routine, which is so important for kids.

My brother and I both turned out very normal. College, grad school, steady jobs, good marriages, good families. Not having a dad around made us want to excel at fatherhood. I actually end up overextending myself sometimes trying to be superdad and coach all of my son's sports teams, which gets tricky when he plays 2 in one season and I unwittingly volunteer to coach both simultaneously.

Between my mom, my grandparents, church family and friends, I had some pretty good role models in my life. I promised myself long ago that I would never use that fact that my dad left as an excuse or crutch, and I never have. If anything, it gave me a great roadmap of what not to do in several situations.

As odd as it sounds, my dad leaving might be the best thing that ever happened to me, if not the most influential.

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Same here.

I was lucky to have a great mom and 2 excellent grandparents across town who filed that hole and helped with watching us and shuttling us to after school activities. My mom leaned heavily on routine, which is so important for kids.

My brother and I both turned out very normal. College, grad school, steady jobs, good marriages, good families. Not having a dad around made us want to excel at fatherhood. I actually end up overextending myself sometimes trying to be superdad and coach all of my son's sports teams, which gets tricky when he plays 2 in one season and I unwittingly volunteer to coach both simultaneously.

Between my mom, my grandparents, church family and friends, I had some pretty good role models in my life. I promised myself long ago that I would never use that fact that my dad left as an excuse or crutch, and I never have. If anything, it gave me a great roadmap of what not to do in several situations.

As odd as it sounds, my dad leaving might be the best thing that ever happened to me, if not the most influential.

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Good stuff man. Not exactly the same but my story is similar.

I remember it like it was yesterday when my dad sprung it on my mom he was leaving. I was in middle school, and I come home from school and my mom and sister were just sitting in the living room balling crying. Havent thought about it in a while until now but it hurts.

My mom made the mistake of not getting a lawyer. They were married 25 years and she stupidly gave him the benefit of the doubt and didnt get a lawyer for child support, etc.

We had a nice house and nice stuff and dad left us with nothing, didnt pay child support or even a house note so mom could sell the house, so we lost that too.

We went from a 3,000 sq ft house to me and my mom moving in a 1,000 square foot house with my grandma.

We didnt have much but man my mom made sure I had everything I needed, took up a second job to pay the bills. She was incredible.

I still talk to my dad, but I want to be nothing like him and never will be. I had a great childhood, we were always having fun, but looking back on it my dad was a horrible husband and treated mom like crap. I learned a decent amount from him, but the most important now as an adult and a married man, is that i dont really want to be anything like him, and im not.

......SOB's should be shot. Without a doubt the most cowardly thing a man can do.

Hypothetically: What if momma cuts off that p for 3 or 4 yrs?

How do you reconcile

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I still talk to my dad

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With

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I had a great childhood, we were always having fun, but looking back on it my dad was a horrible husband and treated mom like crap. I learned a decent amount from him, but the most important now as an adult and a married man, is that i dont really want to be anything like him, and im not.

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?

I mean I guess I get it from a socially obligatory angle, but there's no way you can respect him. How do you pretend to show deference to him without losing your shite?

I never dealt with what you did so I'm just asking out of curiosity and don't mean any offense by the question. We've all got to do what we feel is right.

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Then it's time for a VERY frank discussion about allowing the man to meet his sexual needs elsewhere while remaining emotionally committed to the woman. That's a dealbreaker. Just because she doesn't want sex doesn't mean his sex life dies, too. Either she makes accommodations to appease or it's over, imo.

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IDK man, there's so much more to a marriage when children are involved IMO. I think one has to remain mentally tough and power through the lack of intimacy.